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The History of Uranium Swords
The first known record of the use of a uranium sword was by Zikram Yafushio, the general of the Uncyclopedian armies in the 500 year Gay Wars. None of the armies of the Gays survived.
The second uranium sword belonged to the Russians, who used it to win WWII.
Recent archaeological discoveries support a long held theory that Alexander the Great was in possession of a uranium sword, which enabled him to conquer Asia. It is believed that the uranium sword may have caused his premature death as a result of prolonged exposure to the radioactive weapon.
The materials to get a Uranium Sword are difficult. Our best recommended tips are:
- Work for the Russians: They have EVERYTHING!
- Steal Uranium from Africa: This is necessary to get the Uranium. Unless you are a Russian.
- Use a Supercollider to make Coal into Diamond: You need diamond too, moron.
Now that you have these two objects, you must now learn how to craft them.
Crafting a Uranium Sword
To craft one, you will need a crafting table. One from Minecraft will do. Lay the Uranium/Diamonds out in a sword pattern with a titanium handle. Cool it in water for five days, heat it with magma for twenty days, and freeze it with ice for twenty weeks. At the end of this time, you must ask the gods of nukes, weapons of mass destruction and explosives to bless thy sword and grant it powers. Failure to complete this will result in a nuke being shoved up your ass.
Congrats! U has a Uranium sword! But what to do with it? You can create mass explosions to kill everyone you hate, stab everyone you hate, and chop vegetables to feed to mutants. The sword is utile for many different areas, it is up to you to search for them. Here are some satisfied costumers:
“This sword is amazing!”
“I killed my wife with this! *Sobs*”
“My son said I was a retard. Look who's talking now that he's in a metal asylum from the uranium.”
“What the hell am I saying?”