HowTo:Fit Inside a Dryer
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For those seeking relief from severe bouts of boredom, this is a humorous, last-minute alternative to moping around and contemplating what you should do.
- Go to your laundry room. If you don't have a laundry room, walk or drive to the nearest laundromat. Or, if the idea of being seen attempting to fit inside a dryer in public terrifies you, go to a friend's house.
- If you're going to a friend's house, make up a good excuse for wanting to use their dryer. For instance, bring a laundry basket (full of clothes, of course.) with you and claim that your dryer is having "technical difficulties" (or be honest and say that you're too lazy to go to the laundromat).
- If you are going to a laundromat, it is also best to bring a laundry basket with you to appear as if you are actually going to do your laundry. Don't do anything stupid as you walk into the laundromat or make it look obvious that you're going to attempt to fit in a dryer.
- Regardless whether you're at your own laundry room, at a friend's house, or at the laundromat, find a dryer. If you're at the laundromat, pick a dryer near the back of the building.
- Remove any jewelry and shoes. Stack them neatly against the dryer. If you're at the laundromat, attempt to look as sane as possible. If anyone asks, make up an excuse or glare at them until they freak out and run away. If the rest of the customers follow suit, good for you! You have the entire place for yourself.
- Open the dryer door. Glance inside to make sure nothing is currently inside the dryer. Now you wouldn't try to fit yourself inside of a dryer full of wet clothes or fabric softening sheets, would you?
- Put one foot inside the dryer door. Again, make sure that you have removed your shoes and any jewelry.
- Ease yourself slowly into the dryer. Don't jam yourself straight into the dryer! You might risk getting a nasty blow to the head if you aren't careful. Nothing could be worse (and/or more embarrassing) than the paramedics (or a friend) finding you passed out halfway inside a dryer.
- Place your other foot inside the dryer. You should almost be completely inside the dryer. Again, make sure that the dryer is empty before doing so. You probably do not want to smell the clothing left inside that dryer, right?
- Admire your new surroundings. Nothing is better than neutral-colored walls and the smell of the remaining fabric softener sheets. Meditate if you feel the need to. Do not (under any circumstances) attempt any sort of extravagant yoga or palates poses inside the dryer as it may disrupt any portals to the place where all the missing socks go.
- Let yourself slowly get out of the dryer when you feel the time is right.
- If you are overweight or extremely muscular, you may want to reconsider.
- In case of emergency, always wear clean underwear before attempting to fit in a dryer.
- It is highly suggested that you do not attempt to fit yourself into a dryer. These instructions are simply for your safety if you can't resist.
- Do not attempt this with a washing machine. You'll probably get stuck.
- Do expect to get strange looks from others if you are at a laundromat.
- If you're tall, don't attempt fitting yourself inside a dryer unless you have the absolute desire to. Chances are, you won't fit completely inside the dryer and/or you'll get stuck.
- Don't stay in the dryer for too long, as you may want to move in.
- Do not attempt to fit more than one person inside a dryer.
- Don't take this too seriously.
- Do not attempt to use the dryer while inside it, let someone else do that part for you.