HowTo:Experience Your First BSoD
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| HowTo |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
This article is for Windows users, or anti-communist.
“No! I lost! I forgot to read this guide!”
“I won! Because only Microsoft haters can win.”
“CRAP!!! I'm teaching employees to hate Microsoft in order to win.”
After you installed Windows, and you wanted to play BSoD, but, after 5 hours of destruction and overload, the BSoD won't show up! In this article, I will show you some tips of how to experience your first BSoD! Scroll up, it said it's for Windows users, if you are anti-communist, then GO AWAY and blame on Bill Gates to create BSoD for communist OS. There are many OS's, but which one is better? Windows Vista is the best one, because it's too resource-intensive. You need some games to play BSoD, if you don't have, get one now! The games such as Battlefield, Quake, and other resource-intensive games will make the appearance of BSoD easier, and more fun. Also, you need Microsoft Office. You create a long document, and you spent 99 hours on Office without saving, and when you are about to save, the BSoD appears! That will be SO exciting! There are many other resource-intensive programs such as Google Earth, Photoshop CS. You need to stuff your hard drive, because it just 1 bit of file was written to your hard drive while your hard drive is full, it will be an infinite loop of BSoD!(BSoD will appear again after restart) Videos, movies are very huge, go download some pirated DVDs esp. the HD ones, and you will stuff your HD so fast. If you are using Windows Vista, it will be SO easy to generated BSoD! You just click "Cancel" when Windows Vista is asking you "Windows needs you permission to use this device: Windows Vista". There are many other security features of Windows Vista, if you tried to hack into Windows Vista, the system will be crash, so download more viruses, spywares. Windows Vista is also slow, so it will be very easy. If you are using MS Office, try to create a long, important documents, and spend on Office for 99 hours, when you are about to save, the BSoD will appear, very easy. When the Clippit was popped up, ask the dumb paperclip "Where's BSoD?!" or just kill the paperclip.
The fake ways
First, download the BSoD picture.
- Change your wallpaper to BSoD
- Change your screensaver to BSoD
- Use PowerPoint to make a slideshow with Blue Screen of Death(like this) or just Insert a BSoD slide in the middle of a presentation!
- Just play Game:TheBlueScreenOfDeath
- Install Windows 3.1 then delete random .DLL files
The cheaters' instant ways(on Windows)
Main article: BSoD#Cheats_.26_Exploits
- Create a text file, and name it "Microsoft Sucks" or the following:
- Microsoft Sucks
- Bill Gates Sucks
- Windows Vista Sucks
- Internet Explorer Sucks
- I love iPods
- I don't use Microsoft Office
- I'm communist
- I'm going to uninstall Windows
- (and many more)
- Go to the following sites
- http://www.google.com (Microsoft is the real one who censored Google)
- (and much more)
- Uninstall any software from Microsoft
- Install any non-Microsoft software
The real ways
- Download AutoIt and make a auto-clicker script, and let it keep opening files, especially uncompressed video files that are 30GB large.
- Play WoW, and open Google Earth, plus open them in many windows.
- Play many DVDs at same time.
- Create many huge and important Microsoft Word documents.
- Run an Infinite Loop program.
- Open every file and every program you have.
- Open every file on a USB flash drive. Pull out the flash drive without disconnecting it.
- Mess around with your drivers in Device Manager.
- Randomly delete files in the Windows System folder. (Keep your Windows installation CD handy, you WILL need it.)
- Do everything above 1 000 000 times.
- Play S.T.A.L.K.E.R Clear Sky for about 10 minutes.
If it doesn't work
- Smash your computer
- Blame it on Bill Gates, which will create a unstable OS.
- Uninstall Linux.
- Smash your head on your keyboard. Like this:
- Go sleep, and dream BSoD(then you will DIE when sleeping)
- Paint your eyeballs with blue, then everything you saw are blue.
- Download more viruses, spywares, such as Smiley Central, MyWebSearch Toolbar
- Kill yourself with a blue knife, then your death will be blue.
- Fix your registry, maybe your registry doesn't know where the BSoD is.
- Let Paris Hilton use your computer... Instant BSoD!
- Open the notepad and type "I killed Chuck Norris." and wait.. viola! BSoD ...
- ...or you could bring Chuck Norris to your house. As soon as your computer sees Chuck Norris, it will instantly BSoD.
- Try and solve .999...=1
- Let your PC drink a fluid of your chice, e.g. coffee.
- Purchase a MacBook pro from your nearest apple store. Bring it home and give it lots of affection, love, hugs and accessories, right in front of your windows machine. It will BSoD instantly.
- GO BUY LINUX OR MAC!!!!
- Delete the Windows and System32 folders.
- Reinstall Windows 9000000000 times.