HowTo:Drive A Car Into A Lake
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edit Why Drive A Car Into A Lake?
Why? Well, there are many reasons:
- Dan Corey missed
- It may save your marriage.
- Does it?
- Your car could look really cool submerged in water. In fact, recent studies have shown that your car is 20% cooler when it has been submerged in water.
- When properly timed, it will attract attention.
- Your car could contain incriminating evidence against you.
- You may want to look at fish.
- You may want to drown someone.
- You may want to drown yourself.
- It will impress that girl you like.
- Jesus does it.
- It will make your teeth whiter.
- It cures cancer.
- To shut her up and end that awful talk show (only applicable To Ricki and Maria Hick)
- Your life sucks
- Because you can.
- Because Greenday demands it!
- Because this is America!
- Because THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
- Because no matter how many times you go to the car wash, they just don't give it that extensive cleaning
- To go get Stevie Wonder's car out.
edit General Method
- Look in your local street directory to find the nearest (or preferred) lake.
- Find a car.
- You may need to jump start the engine. This will require hot wiring
- Once you have started the engine, make your way to the nearest lake.
- Upon approaching your chosen lake, increase speed to around 80mph, (note: not 88mph, as this will cause your car to jump BACK TO THE FUTURE!!!)
- Drive directly towards the lake.
- Prepare for impact.
- Prior to entering the lake, beep your horn repeatedly and flash your lights, this will make you look cooler.
- Bring a loudspeaker and shout random phases/words (like "NEPTUNE!!!!!","REFRIGERATOR!!!!!" or "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!!") into it before impact.
- Turn up the radio as far as it can go and play 'Smack My Bitch Up'.
- Hijack an ice cream truck and drive that into a lake while it's playing the 'Mr. Wippy' theme.
- Do it during a public event (e.g ceremony, funeral, wedding, company picnic) that happens to have a lake in vicinity. This combined with 1, 2, 3, 4, or all four is bound to draw attention.
edit How to Get Out of a Punishment
- Blame Demon Possession (only for the South)
- Swim across to nearest state.
- Run Really Really Fast
- Use Extreme Sarcasm.
- Drown (be sure to avoid resuscitation)
- Fake Death then use an elaborate scheme to save the mayor from the true bad guys that may or may not have framed you.
- Say that you were making a protest for women's rights.
- Blame Scientology and that you had to convince them you had nothing left to give to the church in desperate hopes they would leave you alone, but you realize it will not help and you will go into hiding for the rest of your life; however the Xenu followers will still find you and boil you alive probably in the same lake you dumped your car into.
- Change your last name to Kennedy.
- Blame George Bush (the usual)
edit Famous Excuses For Driving Into A Lake
- Keith Moon - Well, it wasn't a lake exactly...
- Stevie Wonder - Well, I just didn't see it coming...
- "Funny" People - Cuz your mum told me to...
- Hitler - I no drive Jew car!
- Jeremy Clarkson - I think Stig over-shot the runway...
- Jesus Christ - God told me to...
- Palestinian - I no drive Jew car!
- Yoda - Told me to, the Force did.