HowTo:Create a paradox that will probably end the universe as we know it

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“We are all going to die!!!”
~ A concerned guy on creating paradoxes
“I did that last Tuesday.”
~ Oscar Wilde on destroying the universe
“It could be bad for your health.”
~ Your doctor on creating paradoxes
“What's the worst that can happen? ”
~ Your Mom on creating you
“I already did that once. You're the result.”
~ God on creating paradoxes
Happy paradox

You can be happy like him!

Wanna change the routine? Do you feel that you'll never gonna do something important? If you aren't Chuck Norris (and I know you are not) that means you aren't great and you want to do something important. So this simple guide will help you to annihilate everything not for a good cause, not for love, not for justice, but for being a selfish jerk who can't get a life. If you are lucky, maybe the universe will survive and you'll be able to impress your friends with your paradox.

Step 1: Analyze the reasons

Black-hole-exports-energy-by-magnetic-whips-art

You want the universe to reverse back into a singularity, don't you?

Are you sure you want to kill everyone in the universe for being remembered? Keep in mind that there will be no one to remember you. What's the reason that leads you to do that? Is it a trauma of the childhood? If the reason is one of the following you can't go on:

Step 2: Make a pie

Don't eat the pie, give it to god so he will be distracted eating it while you create your paradox.

Step 3: Your own paradox

UniverseEnd

The fabric of reality is ripped to pieces.

If you reached this step you should be very lucky or very stupid. Anyway, you are ready to make your first homemade paradox. Remember that having a paradox is a great responsibility, you'll have to take care of him/her so be prepared, and give him/her a nice name. We are ready, now you can do this to create your paradox:

  • Analyze this sentence without having SEHS:"This is a lie"

[Note: After impending thought, I have discovered that this cannot be a lie without contradicting itself, therefore being a lie.]

  • Pick the calculator and type 8, %, 0, =.
  • Find Waldo.
  • Defeat a grue.
  • Finish Half-life using only the crowbar.
  • Come back in time and kill your grandfather.
  • Torture Jack Bauer.
  • Kill THE REAL JIB HIMSELF Only With The Crowbar, or one of his inventions.
  • Finish Doom in Nightmare mode.
  • Beat the Rubik's cube with your tongue.
  • Lick your elbow (If you have tried after reading you are a dick). Some people can do that, cocksucker.
  • Get an Euroipod.
  • Capture a Ceiling cat.
  • Divide by zero.

If you can successfully do something from above you should have your own paradox, and instantly the universe would be destroyed. But we are still here, that means you couldn't achieve any of the simple tasks from above. That's because you are pathetic and you are never going to be remembered. Get out of here and return to your boring routine.

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