HowTo:Cook the books
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“In Soviet Russia, book cooks YOU!”
Welcome to another of Delia's cooking courses.
Today we'll learn how to Cook the books! This is a personal favourite of mine, involving lots of Penguins, spices (charisma and manipulation), delicate timing and most of all, it can also cater for a large amount of people!
First Things First
First Things first, for this recipe, you'll need:
- 250g of an accountancy degree
- One position with access to large amounts of money
- Several (six or 1337 is a good number) creditable positions (so if you're discovered then you can lie successfuly)
- 500ml of good Spin Doctor™ juice
- 8 good ways of pleasing your boss (usually involves cooking them a souflée-not easy, so see below)
- A fake CV
- An emergency arson kit-just in case things get a little dicey
Second Things Second
- Take your accountancy degree and whisk gently for 5-6 mins.
- Leave to settle while you mash up the CV. Then mix in a bowl and add dollops into a pre-heated baking tray.
- Pre-heat oven to Fahrenheit 451 degrees.
- Place Tray in oven and bake for 20 minutes.
- Meanwhile, as your fraud surprise is baking, you will need to prepare the 'Spin Sauce®'. Mix 1 part Spin Doctor™ Juice to 4 parts water.
- Leave the Sauce to settle and then remove the Fraud Surprise from the Oven. This may be extremely, hot, especially in the the fire of insider-trading ovens.
- Let the Fraud cool, and then dribble the sauce over the top of the surprise.
Third Things Third
Now, as the basis for your fraud dish is now in waiting to be served, the last thing you need to do is essential - else you'll get your just desserts! (Oh dear!):
- Take the 8 good ways to please your boss and place them on a small sleaze-proof baking tray, so that none of it leaks out.
- Then shape them into small packages and place under grill.
- When golden-brown, then remove them, and place the piping hot packages around your office. Your boss should be tempted to open them, and soon you will be mega rich!