HowTo:Be safe with guns
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So you just got back from the pawn shop, with a shiny new AK-47 in hand. That guy behind the counter asked you to show your gun license, but all you had to do was tell him he had magnificent hair and pay $300 for the gun. With your AK-47 in hand, you load up and head outside to the street. You flick off the safety, take aim at a passing car and pull the...
You're not being safe with your gun! Using this handy instructional pamphlet, you'll be able to fire your weapon at cars without potentially harming yourself! No longer will your ears hurt after a shooting, and long gone are the days of getting fragments in your eye! You will no longer waste precious time fiddly with the safety, and struggling to get blood out of clothes! You will be safe with your guns!
When you see a gun
When you see a gun, jump and grab it immediately! The safest place for a gun is in your disillusioned grasp! Think about it, if you left that gun lying there, somebody could trip on it, and that's a major safety hazard! Also, if anyone else has a gun, they can potentially hurt you or others. That wouldn't be very good. It's much better if you have the gun, then YOU are in control! Now, YOU can hurt others! Hooray!
Ditch the switch
I honestly don't know why they put safety switches on guns. They must know by now that any good "combat specialist" will leave the safety off all the time. You never know when the enemy will strike! You can't be wasting a half-second turning the safety off before you spray randomly at targets. This is considered the number one danger to gun owners today. If you have a gun, don't leave the safety on! You could get seriously hurt and/or killed.
Always keep your gun loaded
Come on, what could possibly more useless than a gun without bullets in it? Imagine this, you see an old lady with a shirt that you think is just plain ugly, and you decide to teach her a lesson. You lift your AR-15 to your shoulder, (safety already off of course) pull the trigger, and CLICK. Nothing. Now you have to go through the terrible inconvenience of loading the gun, and by the time you have finished, the old woman has pulled out a 9mm and placed several rounds in your skull. You are dead. If you had kept the gun loaded, you wouldn't have been killed in such an embarrassing way! So remember, always keep your gun's magazine loaded, with a bullet in the chamber! Having tons of ammo to shoot is important too!
Keep your finger on the trigger
Keeping your finger on the trigger at all times is the easiest way to give you an advantage over your enemy! It saves you time, and allows you to act on your instincts! For example, if you had your finger on the trigger, and a CIA officer taps you on the shoulder, you would whirl around firing blindly and unload into his stomach. But if your finger was not on the trigger, he might disarm you before you could do anything. Sure, that "CIA officer" could actually be your mom, but ignorance is bliss!
Below are several shooting accessories that no gun-wielding maniac should be without!
Plotting an attack on a crowded area? Well then you need safety sunglasses! These handy devices, when used properly can conceal your intentions from the authorities. Now you can scope out the target area beforehand, with little to no risk of being questioned! They are also very stylish. Safety "shades" also dim the muzzle flash from your eyes, helping you aim more accurately and not blinding you during your fit of rage!
What serial killer would be complete without their hearing? You need to protect your ears! Every gunman should at least use earplugs, or they run the risk of blowing their hearing when they unload their magazines into a police cruiser. You can also get ear-muff style protection, but these are stupid as you can just use headphones to the same effect. Headphones let you listen to your tunes so you block out the muzzle blasts and screams.
Wear old clothes
Yes, you may be wondering why we are encouraging you to wear old clothes, but they are a very important part of "the job". You see, if any of your poorly aimed rounds make contact with another human being, there is likely to be blood everywhere. If you are close enough to the blood, you could possibly get some on your clothes. Your clothes are now ruined; you'll never be wearing that Armani suit again! But, if you are wearing old clothes, there is nothing to fear! Other alternatives include wearing a clear raincoat over your regular black trench coat, so you can look cool but still prevent blood from ruining your day. Blood is very hard to get out of clothes!
Visuals for the "simple minded"
Guns tend to make holes in the object they are fired at, whether it is an innocent civilian or not. Try to remember this. Being safe with your hole-punching gun is your number one priority. Don't hurt yourself! Here is the introduction re-written with safety in mind!
So you just got back from the pawn shop, with a shiny new AK-47 pre-loaded with 7.62 rounds in hand! That guy behind the counter asked you show your gun license, but all you had to do was tell him he had magnificent hair and pay $300 for the gun. Before you go outside to shoot, you bust the safety with a chisel. With your AK-47 in hand, you head outside to the street. You take aim at a passing car and pull the trigger, which your finger is already on. BANG BANG BANG! SCREEEEEECCHH! CAR ASPLODE!
Remember be safe with your guns!