HowTo:Be a forum administrator
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| HowTo |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
So, you have decided that you want to be a figure of authority over other people; you have created your own forum! You have decided that because you are the administrator of a forum, people should start respecting you! (even though you probably have never respected anyone in your life, you ungrateful git) But you have come across a dillemma: You have installed the software, but you have no idea what to do! Well, you're in luck, you have this lovely guide to help you!
edit Step One: Polishing the forum
- Try changing the names of the forums. Think of one of your friends. Now, would they be interested in discussing matters related to 'Test Forum Number 1'? No? That's what I thought. Yes? Well, you have sucky friends.
- Try making the forums a topic that other people can discuss and relate to. A forum about 'The Sexyness of the Admin' is probably not going to be met with open arms.
- Do not change the forum skin in any shape or form, don't even change the default image. Trust me, people love default templates.
- Make some rules. Rules will set boundaries on what your members can, and can not post. If you tell your members not to post pornography, it will probably help to avoid instances such as people misreading the 'Goatee picture forum' for the 'Goatse picture forum', which will in turn help avoid younger members being scarred for life.
edit Step Two: The Fraud
The key to the start of the running of a good forum is for the administrator to pretend that the forum is already an established community! Here are some tips:
- Make multiple accounts, and start discussing topics with yourself! That way if some gullible person joins the community, he will think that there are already multiple people on the forum posting away! Little does he know that it is all the schemings of one person with nothing else to do!
- Even better: save the trouble of logging in and out, and discuss topics with yourself under the same account! You will get a waterfall of users registering on your forum if you use this method!
edit Step Three: The Publicity
- Post links to your forums everywhere! Log onto MSN, and constantly send links to everyone on your contacts list! Keep on doing this until they join! (Note: You may notice a lack of people online on your contacts list, but don't worry, they haven't blocked you, I'm sure their internet is down - forever!)
- Go onto online newsgroups and spam links to your forum there! You'll get even more members if you post in newsgroups unrelated to the topic of your forum! Have you been mysteriously disallowed access or denied entry into the newsgroup? Don't worry, they haven't banned you, they've just shut down their mailing list so they can all move onto your forum and flood your board with lovely posts: they love you!
- Try publicising in the outside world! I'm sure the mayor will love that spray-painted link to your forum that you put on the front windshield of his car!
- Out of money for birthday gifts for friends? Make him an account on your forum, and give him one year without paying! (He won't return your calls, write to you or ever see you again because he's busy posting on your forum.)
Now you know how to be a forum administrator.