HowTo:Be Super Duper Annoying
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Are you frequently ignored by your peers? Are you religious? Do you want to get revenge by slowly and surely driving them insane? DO YOU WANT TO BE ANNOYING? Well good. Here is a long list of things to help you with that.
The Annoying Song Method
| HowTo |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
This is a very popular method and is the most powerful if used over and over again. Basically, all you need is a very, very, VERY annoying song that will stay in the desired person's head for a long time. Humming is a good idea but if you can possibly get the entire lyrics off of the Internet, that's even better. To crank it up a notch, make up your own lyrics and a funky dance to go with it.
Here are some suggestions...
- 9999 bottles of milk on the wall.
- anything played on a kazoo
- the Batman Theme song
- Ride of the Valkyries (in opera style!)
- Barney songs (the 'I love you song' is recommended)
- Anything by Weird Al Yankovic
- The Song That Never Ends (can't go wrong with the classics)
- The song that will get on your nerves (just another classic)
- I'm a little teapot short and stout
- Heavy hard core death metal rock (air guitarists are recommended)
- Really catchy-but-stupid children songs
- The Doom Song (it lasts 6 months!)
- Constantly sing the "Bob the Builder" song
- The Super Mario theme
- "Knights of the Round Table" from Monty Python
- Anything very fast and repetitive.
- Play a cat like a bagpipe
- Repeat "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" about 50 times until it gets on the persons nerves.
- one word developers.
- nyan cat
Annoying Fart Methods
If you really have to release some bowel pressure, here are some great suggestions on where and when to do it.
- During class
- In the car
- In a squad
- In the bus (but first holler for the driver to stop)
- In a church.
- In a church.
- In a church.
- At your immediate family
- Into a microphone
- Into someones eyes
- In really quiet places
- Just as you're about to give a speech
- Call someone and then fart into the phone
- In a crowd, and when it's not so obvious start blaming other people.
- After someone else has
- In an elevator packed with people you don't know.
- At a board meeting where you are likely to be promoted
- When you're standing next to first class on an airplane in mid-flight.
- With your butt near an lighter.
- In a church. (I spammed this for a reason)
If you are really that mischievous, you could tell them to look at something down low at around waist level (say their car's bumper). Once they bend down to look, let 'er rip right in the face. This will only work once. And you may want to run.
Annoying Computer Methods
Thanks to modern day technology, there are PLENTY of annoying things to do to on one's computer. Most of these can be executed from Control Panel.
If it's not your computer...
- Delete System32.
- Reverse the mouse keys
- Set the keyboard repeat rate to slow
- Make EVERYTHING super big and black
- Go onto the internet and click every single pop-up over and over again
- Press random keys while someone else is typing
- Press Alt-F4 while somebody is working(it will close the window)
- Make the computer lock up after one minute of inactivity
- Repeatedly tap the 'Calculator' icon on a Windows keyboard.
- If it has a wireless keyboard or mouse, yank out the batteries.
- Highlight every desktop folder and press enter while someone else is trying to work.
- Even better, when there is no windows up, press ctr-A, enter, enter. Everything will open.
- Rename every file either a random number or letter combination.
- Change the desktop and screensaver into something naughty
- Pull out the keys and replace them with other computers keys (20 "a"s is excellent)
- Paint their screen fluro orange
- Go to meatspin.com
- Write a 20 page essay on being gay and email it to all their contacts
If the victim's computer is running linux
- Get their password (you can't change anything without it)
- Open a "terminal" and type "sudo rm /*"
- Get murdered by the owner of that computer
Annoying Vehicle Trip Methods
These methods should all work for just about any vehicle from cars to boats and stuff. Just make sure your not the one driving.
- The "Whiner" method Keep whining in your most pathetic voice to the driver about anything like how you don't want to go or the temperature is to warm or you need to potty or whatever else you can think of. If the desired victem actually gives in to your demands, claim that you don't want to have it any more.
- The "Singer" method Try to start a nice, rousing song of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and sing it as loud as you can. For the really bold, try "999" or even "999,999,999,999,999,999,999 bottles of beer".
- The "Stubborn" method Before departing, keep insisting that you don't want to go and try as hard as you can not to get in to the vehicle.
- The "Been there, Done that" method Just as you arrive to your acquired destination, exclaim that you want to go back home (unless you actually are going home, in which case, say you want to go to Narnia or some other magical place).
- The "Classic" method Every 30 seconds of the way, keep asking "are we there yet?" For better results, once you get there, start asking, "are we going yet?"
- The "Super Soaker" method When going through a car wash or in the rain, keep opening the windows repeatedly until the vehicle is thoroughly drenched with water.
- The "Just Asking for it" method You may do the following things in no particular order:
- Throw random objects around the cabin.
- Scream like a demented banshee from the underworld that just got bitten in the tenders by a Grue.
- Whip out your homemade dynamite vest while screaming to Allah and sporting a turban.
- Launch every firework you have on you at the time.
- Bite the driver.
- Lock the windows and then tell everyone you farted.
- Vomit all over the nearest passenger or window.
- Keep repeatedly shouting "OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!"
- If you have an inflatable squeeky hammer, now's the time to use it.
- Reach over and honk the horn a couple times.
- Release all of your frogs.
- If you have one, turn on your strobe light. (Works best if there are epileptics nearby.)
- Turn the radio up really loud on the all-rock station.
- Silly String until you can't Silly String no more
- Anything else that will bring all of the attention to you and you alone.
- Push the break pedal down with a long stick.
- Drive the car off of a cliff.
- Set fire to the nearest person or thing.
- Throw things out the window.
- When no-one else is in the vehicle (at a lunch stop/toilet break/ smoko/ whatever) turn the radio up to maximum, then turn off the ignition.
Annoying School or Work Methods
Doing any of the following will insure that any teachers/supervisers/big wigs/principals/Special Service Agents will keep you in their bad books for a looooong time.
- The "Instant Expulsion" method If you absolutely hate your job/school and really want to leave, here are a few things you can do to get you out of there.
- Scream loudly while flapping your arms and running in tight circles.
- Race someone from the roof to the Main door
- When it gets really quiet, yell out "BOOOOOORING!!!!" then pretend that nothing happened.
- Show embarrassing photoes of the principal/boss to everyone behind their backs.
- For the fastest and most instant results, get a group of your fellow disgrunteled friends and bombard whoever is in charge with banana cream pies.
- The "Interpretation" method If you know how to speak a second language, speak it constantly around your betters. If any of your friends know this language, ingage in a heated conversation, dropping your teachers's name here and there while occasionally pointing directly at them. NOTE: Be very, very sure that they actually can't understand what your talking about (so you wouldn't be speaking french in a french class).
- The "Warzone" method Have as many people as you can bring a water gun or balloon with them and when the principal/boss shows up, give the signal to unleash hell. This will also work in cafeterias with food.
- The "Rude Tourist" method If you go on a field/business trip, use these following things to create chaos and confusion:
At the Museum...
- Pretend to touch anything that says "don't touch"
- Sneak a price tag or two onto some of the stuffed animals.
- Bump the seismograph a couple times to create huge earthquakes.
- Keep asking the guard what he would do if one of the exhibits actually came to life.
- Be part of the exhibit by posing with the models.
- Turn any cross you see upside-down.
- Keep screaming that the mummy is alive while in the Egypt exhibit.
- When you enter through the doors, start mooing like cows.
At the Art Gallery...
- Slap some "FOR SALE" or "SOLD" stickers underneath some of the paintings.
- Keep questioning the guide "...but is it art?"
- Stare at a blank portion of wall and pretend that there is a picture there.
- Pose nude next to the statues.
- Draw a giant dick on a piece of paper. Cut it out and tape it on a statue in correct spots, such as the forehead.
- Give some suggestions on how the paintings could be improved like a mustache on certain portrats.
- Attach some of your own artwork in certain exhibits
- Claim any "Anonymous" art as your own
- If you missed your trash pickup - stick your garbage on the floor and tell everyone it's contemporary art.
At the Science Museum...
- Leave samples of your saliva on the microscope slides.
- Wear a white coat, carry a clipboard and every now and then shout 'Eureka!'
- Ask the tour guide if they have any close-up pictures of Uranus.
Annoying Writing Methods
Use these for writing important letters or essays. Actually, if they're that important, you probably shouldn't.
- Write everything in a second language.
- Write only in loopy handwriting so no one can read it.
- \/\/|^1+3 |_1|<3 @ n00b.
- sdrawkcab etirw syawlA
- Write in invisible ink. <--
- Write entire essays in code. Perferably Morse code (the one with the dots) so the teacher can't technically flunk you because she can read it.
- End everything with "Memorize and destroy"
- Capitalize The First Letter Of Each Word In Your Sentence.
- Replace all numbers with Roman Numerals.
- Keep quoting from the same source even if it has absolutely nothing to do with the subject.
- When answering math problems, write in "IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!" in every blank.
- WrItE lIKe ThIS!
- Шяїтє Lїкє Ћїѕ!
- Ώεљϖͻ Υљӥԓ Ҵьљю!
- 哎呀! 这个测试是很难! 我该怎么做! 告诉我我该怎样做! 我可以叫我妈帮我吗？ 老师年纪多大？ 我要我的狗在这帮我! In engish: Oh my god! This test is so hard! What do I do! Tell me what to do! Can I get my mom to help me? How old is the teacher? I want my dog here to help me! (Bonus points if you yell it out in english while in the middle of a test)
- R7pl7c7 7ll v7w7ls w7th th7 n7mb7r s7v7n
- If you're a lefty, write with your hand curled over and your elbow whacking whoevers sitting next to you.
- WRITE EVERYTHING IN CAPITALS ENDING EVERY SENTANCE WITH !!!1!
Annoying Movie Watching Methods
These methods are not purposed for a movie theater and/or stage theater, but rather when watching a movie with friends, family, or strangers in your/their house.
- Come into the movie 15 minutes late and ask what happened.
- Keep Asking phrases like,
- "What's happening?"
- "What's going to happen!?"
- "What did he just say?"
- "Wait a minute, what did he just do?"
- "Is he actually pretending?"
- "I forget. Who's THAT guy again?"
- "What do you guys like about the movie so far?"
When in public or private always ask for subtitles. Then when you finally get your subtitles after all your moaning and bitching say "Why the hell did you put subtitles on?!". For even more laughs ask for subtitles in foreign languages or if feeling brave, ask for subtitles while watching a play.
- Incessantly try to engage in a deep conversation about the movie during the movie.
- "OMG HES GONNA DIE, I KNOW IT, I JUST KNOW IT! I CAN TELL, TRUST ME. SEE? SEE? I KNEW IT! I JUST KNEW IT! HOW DID I KNOW?"
- Bit like the above one, great if you know the film and the other don't. On a really tense death-or-no-death section of the film, state what actually happens next.
- Laugh when someone is decapitated.
- Make jokes or impersonations during a sad part of the movie.
- Sing along with the soundtrack
- Shouting advice to the characters on the screen if you are not an overweight black woman. Note, advice shouting only works for overweight black women and not even consistently. So don't even try it.
- Save an entire row of seats at a movie theatre for your "friends"
The Best Thing to do on a Roller Coaster Method
This insanly funny annoying thing is brought to you by the comedic genious of David Acer(Douch). First thing you do is find your self a roller coaster and a single screw of any length (the bigger the better). Then board said roller coaster next to either a first timer or very nervous person. Once your strapped in and the roller coaster starts moving and you get to that very big hill at the start, pull out your screw and announce "HEY! WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM?!AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" This may or may not work but its still fun to try.
Just before your about to drop shout 'HAS ANYONE SEEN FINAL DESTINATION 3? I KNOW THE SAME THING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!'
Random Annoying Things
The best people to use these, or any annoying method, on are people who are really happy or really angry. It'll intensify your enjoyment if the person is angry or cheery.
- If anyone tries to say anything, interupt with "loololollloloooolollolloloollolololololloolol."
- Before responding to any question, say "well I'm glad you asked!"
- When it gets really quiet, scream.
- TP houses by shooting it out of a leaf blower.
- Constantly use a second language.
- Wholfwhistle people straight in their ears from behind.
- Constantly pick your nose and try to wipe off on a friends T-shirt.
- When speaking to somebody, reply by ending every sentence with his or her name.
- When using a public restroom, piss on the whole toilet paper roll.
- Mumble whenever you speak to your parents.
- If you are the driver to your carpool, play a CD that has nothing but elevator music on it super loud for the whole trip.
- Carefully shoot a laser pointer onto the forehead of the main subject during a performance or speech then see if they get tackled by a bodyguard.
- Shoot people with your hands making loud sound effects with your mouth. If it's to your friends, then you can pretend you hit them and also make loud dying effects.
- When on MSN, add EVERYBODY to your conversation.
- Buy a 10 pence sweet with a ten pound note, or, get your large jar of 'saving' copper coins and buy a refrigerator.
- Say: "Hi, my name is <insert name here>" to any person.
- Open Oreo cookies, lick the icing out and place the cookie parts back.
- Eat plenty of green candies and smile a lot.
- Run up and down the aisle in an airplane.
- Lock the bathroom from the inside.
- Talk on the phone while in the bathroom.
- Ask for small change for a hundred dollar bill.
- Press every single button just as you leave an elevator.
- Have a loud cellphone conversation about a rash.
- Do a stupid little dance whenever you hear music.
- Practice your juggling skills with anything you can get your hands on
- Poke at someone repeatedly then, act like you don't know what they're talking about and call them crazy.
- Place lots pressure on the edge of a piece of chalk on a chalkboard.
- Make a line of snowmen on a crosswalk.
- Scream at the top of your lungs in an elevator. Preferably a small one with a bunch of people you don't know, on it.
- Before going to the bathroom, announce it to everyone that surrounds you.
- Do anything to get attention.
- Try to convert all of your Monopoly money into one dollar bills.
- In a theater, when everyone's clapping, be the last to clap.
- Laugh but don't stop laughing.
- Talk but don't stop talking.
- Defecate...you get the point.
- Constantly speak liiike aaaaaaa zzzzzzzzoooooooommmmmmmmmbbbbbbiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!
- Duuhhh...Ummm...Er-OH! Um...Talk like...Duuhhh, you're, um, what's the word? Uhh, ummm...Dee dee dee...Oh, STUPID! Deh-heh-he...Uuhhhhhhhh.......
- When in class loudly say "Hey <insert name here>!" and then when they say "What?"; just reply with "Nothing"; and repeat to infinity.
- Go pee in your backyard.
- Make bizarre and/or stupid excuses to get out of class. For instance, (this will only work for male students) "Teacher, my water just broke. Can I be excused?"
- Bring a parrot that you've trained to screech at the top of its lungs every two minutes into a movie theater, then refuse to leave.
- Have a loud cellphone conversation in a public restroom.
- Piss up a rope.
- Run down the street, randomly grabbing people by the shoulders, shaking them and, screaming, "OH JESUS THEY'RE COMING! THEY'RE COMING!!"
- Oh, and always say, in a stupid voice "heheh, you said "cumming"..."
- Repeating random quotes and stuff from stupid videos off Youtube.
- Saying 'you funny' all the time when someone says something that is not funny.
- Talking exceedingly loud since birth.
- Saying "BELIEVE IT!" after every annoying speech about being a great ninja.
- When invited to a wedding, just before they are lawfully pre-announced, run into the room screaming "DON'T DO IT!!! HE SLEPT WITH MEEE!!11one!11
- Steal an entire stack of "Greensheets" and drive down the highway with them in the bed of your pick-up.
- Shit in a urinal.
- Laugh obnoxiously during sex.
- When ordering at a spanish restaraunt, be sure to attempt their accent and call the waitress "Senior".
- In a french resterant, be sure to attempt their accent and call the waiter "GAHSOWN" loudly.
- When in class and it gets really quiet, yell out "I LOST <<THE>> GAME!!!"
- Repeatedly repeat yourself, for example, when you wash the dishes make sure to tell everyone your washing them over and over again.
- Put everything you say to a tune.
- When in school, keep loads of store receipts with you, and statically charge them on the floor with your foot, pick them up and stick them to the hair of the person in front of you.
- When in class, ask the teacher where babies come from.
- When talking, scream every other word, or in between words.
- Repeatedly say someone's name and when they reply, say "I'M A CHAIR!!!" Repeat unlimited times, even if they ignore you.
- When you sister (or even brother) go out for a date, while your parents are around, shout "Is this the one that comes around looking for seeeeeeexxxxx!?!"
- When in a restroom, get rid of all the toilet paper, leave the cardboard roll, and write on it: "HAHA! YOU'RE F&#%ED NOW!!!"
- Make sex noises in someone's ear.
- When in a classroom, play the annoying mosquito ring-tone that teachers can't hear.
- Put condoms on every water fountain in the building.
Randomly change articles so there is a random spot where there is not a bullet, when surrounded by other bullets.
- Change your name to John Aaaaaaasmith, for the pride of being first in the phone-book. Claim that it is a Hawaiian name and demand that people pronounce every A.
- Learn 'Ice Ice Baby' by heart and recite it endlessly.
- Bark like a dog whenever someone says 'the.'
- Go Canoing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 Theme.
- Try to fit the word 'cornucopia' into every sentence you say.
- Walk up to some random people, and say in a really serious voice, 'Do you know the Muffin Man?'
- When you're in class, ask the teacher if he wants some porn.
- Fart very loudly in the middle of an important test. Watch the reactions.
- Shit in your pants, then loan your pants to a friend.
- Turn on your TV in the middle of the night while your roommate is asleep and start watching a movie with lots of loud shooting.
- Impersonate Jessi Slaughter.
- Lean on a wall, and whenever a fat person walks by, sing I Like Big Butts by Sir Mix-a-Lot.
- When talking, always speak in the third person.
- Constantly remind them of Whitney Houston's death when talking.
- Take away their IPhone 4S. Without Siri in their lives, they will probably be very miserable.
- Grab a external flash for a camera, or even a normal camera with a flash, and follow people around setting it off.
- Scream in someone's ear.
- Talk like you're talking to a baby.
- Squirt toothpaste into someone's face.