HowTo:Backup DVDs...With Telekenesis!

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Ahoy there, fellow pirates! Can't afford a DVD burner but have a spare DVD lying around? That's great! Using the Telepathicpirate(R) copying technique, you'll be able to backup DVDs... with TELEKENESIS!!!

edit Checklist

To start, make sure you have the following:

  1. DVD you wish to copy
  2. DVD-R or DVD-RW (DVD-RAM doesn't work with this technique!)
  3. Eyes (very important!)
  4. Additional How-Tos in case something goes wrong (price may vary)

This is so awesome. I promise.

edit Step 1: Prepare Telekenesis

First, you will need to relax your mind and drop focus of everything else that's going around. It is best to do this in a small, secluded room, and not in front of other people, who will probably just laugh at you if you fail. In which case, please read the how-to on killing people...with TELEKENESIS!!!

You will know when you have prepared your telekenesis when you can't hear anything around you. If you are able to pat the floor and not hear anything, you may go to the next step. Otherwise, you will need to go somewhere that's even more quiet before proceeding. And if that doesn't work, you fail at life and you can't read how-tos correctly.

edit Step 2: Prepare DVDs


Place the two DVDs label down in front of you and make sure they are clean before you proceed, or the following step will not work. If there is a scratch on either of the DVDs, you will need some repair work done. You may either consult the local catalogue or the other howto: Repairing DVDs... with TELEKENESIS!

edit Step 3: Copying the DVDs

During this point, you should be completely relaxed. If this is the case, think about two women spiralling about in front of you. If this works, the DVDs will begin spinning. Make sure the DVDs are spinning at about 900 rotations a minute, which can also be found in another howto: Calculating RPM... with TELEKENESIS!

If all goes well, open your eyes and stare at the DVDs, with your left eye facing the original and your right eye facing the destination disc. During this time you will begin to hear a small buzzing; this is normal and will go away shortly. If you lose focus, the destination disc will be unreadable unless you use telekenesis to repair it.

edit You're Done!


The destination DVD should have data on it and should be ready to go. Give it a label and send it on its way. Thank you for purchasing this how-to!

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