HowTo:Avoid being struck by lightning
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edit Lightning strikes and you
There are many theories on what causes lightning strikes. Common avoidance advice includes wearing a grounding agent such as rubber, not playing golf during storms, and not standing on the roof of your house and holding the weathervein.
However, with the marvels of modern science it has recently been discovered that none of these things actually prevent a lightning strike.
The best course of action is to purchase a gender-appropriate anti-lightning-strike undergarment from E.I. DuPont Industries. E.I. DuPont has been the trusted name in protective undergarments for over 7,000 years. In fact, had Jesus been wearing his anti-crucifixion undergarments that fateful day, none of that nasty stuff in the Mel Gibson movie would have happened.
You can have your very own anti-lightning-strike undergarment for only three (3) easy payments of $79.99 USD ($1,224.99 Canadian).
If you are struck by lightning while wearing your anti-lightning-strike undergarment, simply call us and E.I. DuPont Industries will refund 100% of your purchase price.
edit Other tips to avoid electrocution
Run around in circles and flap your arms like a bird. This will help disburse the massive amounts of electricity that are flowing through your body (1.21 jiggawats to be exact). If you are unable to run around in circles and flap your arms like a bird, it is best to lay down, pray to whatever impotent God you choose to worship, reflect on your decision not to wear a gender-appropriate anti-lightning-strike undergarment by E.I. DuPont Industries, and die. Should you manage you survive, it would be best if you joined a cult and worshipped a comet.