HowTo:Main Page

Welcome to Uncyclopedia's HowTo guides. What do you want to know?
Featured HowTo Disclaimer: I'm about to teach you some pretty experimental shit, so I will hold no responsibility for anyone whose face is blown out the back of their heads at how revolutionary it is. I also hold no responsibility for any dicks blown off by how delicious this shit tastes. Okay then, firstly make sure you are mentally prepared for what is about to happen. Breathe in slowly through your nose and exhale out your mouth. If you are not calm then the next steps will definitely make you freak the fuck out. Once you feel ready for the journey that lies ahead, you must get yourself a mug. Not some small-time pussy sized mug, a big fucker like the one pictures to the left here. I chose one that illustrates my manly love for chocolate. Chocolate is fucking delicious, don't even try to deny that. You lying piece of shit. (more...) Recently featured HowTo:Become An Hero - Take the Road to Ruin - Not die when eating mushrooms - Win a game of Tic-Tac-Toe - Score a Second Date - Build a Paper Empire - Reenact History - Write a novel - Become Stupid in 21 days - HowTo:Be a Detective - Be A Damsel In Distress - Write an Uncyclopedia article without reading any of the rules or directions or manuals or policies first - Nail a glass to a wall - Make Black Meta - Pretend You Have an Archenemy - HowTo:Go into the light - Beat a Polar Bear in a Fight - Make a Four Year Old Laugh - Love Your Neighbor as Yourself “If you're confused, and unsure of what dosage to take, try taking 1 dose and see how you feel in an hour. If you're fine, try taking 2 and waiting another hour. If you're still fine, take 4 and wait another hour.” Would you like to know more?	Tools HowTo:Make your first HowTo List of all HowTos List of Templates Most Wanted HowTos Purge this page
	Recent How-Tos Masturbate Furiously With Knives Walk on Saturn without falling over Decorate your cunt for Easter Keep Americans Out Of Your Country Teach a six-legged lame man how to jump rope Beet off Get back to London if you suddenly find yourself in France Avoid Buying Things Upset the Gods Join The Internet Wrestling Community Drive your car out of a lake Scar your children for life Build a Great Empire Really really really piss off Bizzeebeever Meet women Write a Bullshit Story Make your own Large Hadron Collider Get Un-Lost Draw a perfect circle Quit wanking forever Forge a Uranium Sword Delete the Recycle Bin Recognize a dubstep song Put the toothpaste back in the tube Get a suntan Get a boner Kiss Ass Make up Fake Dan Quayle Jokes Insulate your loft Make it drink Pee While Standing Count to 1 Be Happy Make your date think you're a whore. Make me RICH Snowboard your way to awesomeness! Understand the Watto-Qui Gon Bet Be A College DJ Milk a Cow Found a language Disable a Tsar Bomba Fly a chimpanzee Become Wiccan Write an article for Encyclopedia Dramatica Leave Uncyclopedia as Dramatically as Possible Create a Teenaged Superhero Be Narcissistic Survive the apocalypse Make crime pay Replace bread with something else Wake up from a bad reality Be a purebred American Break your addiction to Uncyclopedia Be Deep Survive Arkham Asylum Be just and not just a rule-quoting jerk Face your upcoming death Take the Road to Ruin Become an Assassin Become An Hero Beat Shaq Kill Time Migrate to and become a Citizen of the United States Grow your own Exploding Carrots Be a Troll Solve A Problem With cannons Escape from Hell Build a Paper Empire Get Expelled from School Fool a Robot Reenact History Turn nature into collectibles Write a novel Buy a One Way Ticket to Hell and Back Archive - See more... Make a new HowTo