Car Salesman

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Hovercars)
Jump to: navigation, search
Carsalesman
I am ready to give YOU a good deal.

Oh, I see you are interested in one of our lovely newly designed Hovercrafts! Oh, you're just looking? Are you sure you don't want to buy one? Ok, well it's just business has been kinda not so good lately, and I really need a sale. Oh? Yeah, sure I will show you around! But first, is there any chance you'll change your mind? Ok, great! Follow me!

edit Models

Pivo
Not the prettiest of things, but it'll definitely sort of go!

Well, when you're flying you're going to want to fly in style right? You want to be noticed and all that, right? Haha, of course! Well, we've got you covered.

Although the hovercraft has just been invented, we have already gone into many different designs to give you the freedom to choose how you want to fly. For example, we have, well, we only have one model, but we do have many different colors.

What colors are there? Well, blue, red, black, purple I guess would be in there, and I think there is a green in the back. Well, I guess variety isn't really our forte so to speak, haha, but who needs variety, what is more important is how it goes right? Right.

edit How it works

When you buy a hovercar, you're not just buying a hovercar, you're also buying a car! Yes, this baby also can be a car whenever you want, in fact, it functions best as one. But you don't want to hear about that right?

How do these things work? Well, they use an extremely powerful engine to create enough wind power so that it lifts up. It isn't the most convienient way nor technically the safest, but it does get the job done.

Another problem that I should warn you about is that it is extremely loud. Now when it does go, it goes a full 4 feet in the air! And it can remain there for up to twelve seconds! When it does land, though, it does take a few hours to recharge, but still...sounds amazing, doesn't it!

edit Safety Features

Well, let's start talking about what really matters right? Safety. You have a kid, right? Well, when you're driving them around...Oh, you don't have a kid...Yikes. Well, if you ever get kids you would want them to be safe, right? Oh...you don't want kids. Well, you still want to be safe don't you? Yeah, of course!

Well, there are many features that are equipped on the hovercraft to ensure your safety, so let's move on. So, next we'll...oh, what are the safety features? Oh.... they are there just...yes, I can name one...it's called...*mumbles softly*...what? No, I named one! Let's move along! Yes, I did name one sir! Haha!Let's move along! Come on!

edit Gas

How much gas does this take? Oh I know, I know, high gas prices does put a strain on the wallet doesn't it? Haha. I hear ya. Well, this thing, as powerful as it is, can go a full seven miles to the gallon! A bit much? Oh, well do remember that gas prices are always talked about and have gained a bad reputation. Sure, it's a little expensive, but where you really cash in is on the tire saving.

Remember, you will be in the air for twelve seconds every few hours, so your tires won't be feeling the friction and wearing out from the stress it gets on the roads. And if you land on something spongey, the tires won't take that much damage! And with tire prices going up, oh, you don't know about that, they are off the charts! Believe me...please.

edit You Want to Look at the Car?

Oh well, it might be a better idea to buy it first before you look at it...Why? Well, well because...it just is...the rules here! Fine fine, you can look, but don't touch!

Okay here is a lovely craft. This is what we currently have on sale. You can see we model it exactly after the Honda Civic. It is no different then one? Well of course it is! It is WAY different. At the bottom is the super duper air force unit! NO DON'T LOOK UNDER THE CAR! Ok, you did, and...NO! Those are NOT just fans duct taped to the bottom of the car! They are super duper air force units you idiot! Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean idiot, I meant uh..umm...well...

edit Losing Interest?

Car buying
Your favorite side of the road dealership!

Alright, to tell you the truth I don't really see that sparkle in your eyes that I first saw when we started off. Yes, there was a sparkle in your eyes. Well, it may help you to know that these things are very cheap.

Yes, due to not many people wanting them and them being so new, they only cost about two hundred grand. Wait! Wait! Don't go! I...I...I forgot to tell you about your free gift that comes with it!

Yes, yes, umm it is...umm. HERE see in my wallet is...umm...uhh...oh! Here is a picture of my daughter! Yours free with your purchase!

Come on man, I really need this! I can barely afford my rent, and everything with the house and my wife and my kid, and my dog is sick. I haven't made a sale in weeks and that's only because some rich guy came by and...

Oh, you're in your car now! Well i'm going to have to lay in front of your tires until you give me your sale. Yes, I will. Here I go.

Crap, you backed up...aww...well...shit!

edit See also

Personal tools
projects