After four award winning dissertations on molecular theory, thirteen publications authored on non-Newtonian calculus, and positions of professor emeritus granted by all eight Ivy League institutions, I have at long last come to one definitive conclusion about the state of affairs in the world today; what is direly needed on a global scale is a far greater frequency of hot, indiscriminate sex.
Ideally, this sex should be with me.
The world is wrought with injustice; millions live in poverty while the elite classes live in perfect luxury. Racism, sexism, disease and hatred are a central issue in every culture in the world. I could go on about the trials and tribulations of humanity, but this has been done extensively by countless others, and to a degree that I could not match with my primarily scientific and mathematic academic expertise. However, what I can say with confidence is that instead of sitting here typing as I am now, I strongly feel I should be fiercely pounding my meatstick into the sloppy snatch of the hot blonde that was in line in front of me at the supermarket today. This by no means limits my desire to the woman I came upon at the Kroger cash register; in fact, I could probably go for a rough tumble in the hay with several of the readers now in the process of reading my piece. Considering the tingling sensation currently overwhelming this writer, I can now hypothesize with near certainty that I’ll be darned if I’m not getting it on hot and heavy with a bowlegged skank ho from downtown the second I finish typing the last sentence of this entry.
The love question
It is not uncommon to hear now, in particular from those of the young generation, the lamentation of “Where is the love?”. One could analyze the social background and environmental ramifications that give rise to this hypothetical question oft posed by young adults. However, analysis alone has never brought about progress, and put simply, the answer to the question is not as far away as may be thought. Yes, the truth is that the love is in my pants, between my legs. The love is hot, long, tubular in shape, and eager to penetrate the cooter of the next woman I see walking down the street from my 5th floor apartment room.
...No, forgive me. I meant the NEXT woman I see walking down the street.
..Oh, pardon me, my hand must have slipped as I typed, as I meant the NEXT woman I see. The next one will be the one I indiscriminately choose.
...Oh, YES. Now that is the woman I would be willing to bend over and give a hot beef injection without asking so much as her name, up against the dumpster behind the Korean-run pizza shop. No words, no protection, no strings attached. Just me giving it to her deep and hard, and pulling out in a timely manner for a victorious spray of my horde of albino children.
The significance of “relationships”
Far too many people of our modern society mistakenly search for love and fulfillment in so-called “meaningful relationships”. As I sit here typing this I struggle to not burst out into raucous laughter just pondering the concept. Therefore, I would like to challenge the established notion of what a meaningful relationship is. To begin with, we must define “meaningful” as used in this instance. Is a relationship “meaningful” when one partner offers continuous emotional support to the other? Is a relationship “meaningful” when one remains faithful to their partner in thought, word and action? Is a relationship “meaningful” when a couple has developed an unspoken trust? Nay, meaningful is my penis plunging in and out of a random woman’s vagina, jabbing her kidneys like an Everlast punching bag and berating her as a nut-gobbling crack whore. The meaningfulness then reaches its pinnacle as the crack whore screams “Harder, daddy, harder. I am about to cum.” However, I am not one to allow a dirty slut the enjoyment of an orgasm, so this is when I put my load in her eye and send her out the door with a sheet of paper towel. At this point, the meaningful relationship has come to its conclusion.
I offer the following equation to demonstrate my interpretation of hot, indiscriminate sex.
My hot sexual adventures
For the reader’s deeper understanding of hot, indiscriminate sex, I present a few gems from my vast history of the practice.
Redhead with an Iron Maiden tattoo
One night in a particular bar I frequent downtown, I had imbibed my share of bourbon and decided to give in and break the proverbial seal. Upon entering the men’s restroom, who other was passed out there in front of the urinal than the red-haired woman that had just finished her 7th shot of tequila moments ago. Seizing upon the opportunity, I awakened her with a quick blast of my urine and then emptied the rest into the nearby urinal so as to keep the floor dry. She regained consciousness and I led her into the stall, where she went with little resistance. The frenzied rabbit-like anal sex that then ensued would have earned her 4 rating had she not released the foulest gas emission I have ever had the displeasure to smell, as I climaxed.
Chinese woman at Ching Chong Palace
While dining on my General Tso’s Chicken at Ching Chong Palace, I noticed my waitress had a certain look in her eye when she took my order; a decidedly slanted look. I took this as a definite sign that she was after my sucky-sucky stick, and called her for a second order. I asked her if they serve dog, to which she replied no. I then asked her if she would like to be served doggy style. I was swiftly escorted to the duck cage room in the back of the establishment where I gave her a one-man Rape of Nanking to a chorus of incessant quacks.
Blonde college girl from the library
Perusing academic journals at the library as usual on a Wednesday night, I was approached by a young woman in a college sweatshirt who apparently recognized me. She asked me if I was the author of Modern Advances in Mathematical Theory and I answered in the affirmative; “Hell yeah, bitch.” Needless to say, that night I taught her the equation where my hardened cock equals spasmodic moans of ecstasy for her.
In conclusion, it can be said that the relationship between myself and the female population is an unending mutual desire for hot, indiscriminate sex. Should we meet at an upcoming symposium or strip club visit, I ask that you please act as your desires drive you, and engage in a world-rocking night of lovemaking with me. Thank you.