Horse-drawn submarine

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HDS

The technical points of the HDS.

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A horse-drawn submarine is a equine powered watercraft capable of independent operation below the surface of the water which for a number of years was viewed as a valid alternative to traditional and nuclear powered craft. Although in latter years they are no longer as popular as they once were they remain the main fleet in numerous countries such as Canada and Switzerland.

History and Development

First used in WWII, the Horse-drawn submarine (or HDS) was one of the more successful eccentric inventions of JFK. It was widely used in submarines across America, as their former form of propulsion was simply not good enough. They did try using the amazing nuclear-power that Captain Nemo developed, but since this required using too many flux capacitors they gave up, and used horsepower. Now as we all know cars are powered by horses, just very small ones. Well why else do you think they have 100horsepower, 200horsepower etc?! Idiot.

So, the American government decided to put this system into play, and the result was fantastic. The horse would be placed to the front of the submarine, where it would be connected via a long strand of spaghetti, and where it would swim using its MIGHTY LEGS generating whopping amounts of Kinetic energy. The horse would be kept alive by using its gills to breathe, and by eating all the fish it came across. This kept its furnace burning hot and supplied energy to its legs.

The horses would be kept in pens inside the submarines, and called out when they had to move. They proved themselves to be excellent navigators in the water, and their natural sonar ability was tied into the submarine's. Also, their laser guidance proved quite useful for launching torpedoes at boats.

Predecessors

Horse bathing

Special safety equipment would later be developed to ensure the safety of equine submariners.

The American government, before being liberated by JFK's wonderful plan, experimented with many other animals. They tried:

  • Dogs
  • Chickens (this was immensely popular for the brief period it lasted.)
  • Mongooses
  • Moles
  • Bears
  • Butterflys
  • Acorns
  • Squirrels
  • Killer Whales (soon abandoned due to them being un-seaworthy)

None of these ideas lasted for very long, although they provided navy recruits with the option of bestiality over homosexuality.

Decline of usage

Throughout the 1970s and the early part of the 1980s the use of Horse-drawn submarines fell into decline, with complaints from environmentalists about the amount of horse manure that had built up throughout the oceans of the world. Commercial "mini subs" which utilised Shetland Ponies remained in common use despite the protestations of organisations such as Greenpeace.

In 1997 the World Health Organisation (WHO?) released the following statement in regards to Horse-drawn submarines:

Of course, one would think that these HDS's are far superior to the Submarines of today.
One would be right.
One can, naturally, blame Canada.
But it wasn't.
They died somehow.

See Also


Kraspin One or more of the authors of this entry was terribly bored. They may be afflicted with Attention Deficit... hey, we should go fly kites. That'd be so awesome! We haven't flown kites, since, like, summer. Hey, summer is when birds come out! Birds are so cool.
You can help by paying for their Ritalin, or finding them a kitten to play with.
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