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The Following Thoughts are considered official Policy of the Honorable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans:
edit Adjutant's Address
Originally recorded: Long ago in a galaxy far far away.
"Good evening, or morning, as it may be. Is this thing on? Hello? Good. Glad to see you all made it. Let me start by saying thank you to the Mayor, and a special "thank you" to the Mayor's wife. Those are ten minutes I will never forget, baby...hey, hey! Just kidding! Don't make me tell "The Aristocrats" joke. Because the fucking punchline is "the aristocrats." Get it? Neither do I. And that leads me to my point - I don't get a lot of things at Uncyclopedia. Like, fucking 80% of the site was hastily put together by Wikipedians thinking they were being naughty, or tasting true wiki-freedom for the first time. Well, let me just say Uncyclopedia isn't about being naughty - or free. It's about being fucking ludicrous - within reason. And that's why the Honrable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans, or HODPV, is here. We're going to make things right. How, I'm not exactly sure. When, I can't reasonably say. But know this - for every insufferable Steve Ballmer reference, for every stupid Kanye West "George Bush hates _________" quote, for every instance of an article put together using Mad Libs, HODPV may or may not do something about it. You have been warned - the people have spoken. At least, two of them have. God Bless the US of A, and God Bless this Wiki!"
In accordance with the Adjutant's excellent points made about Norrisites/Chukians... er, well, whatever the fuck you call yourselves... The Honorable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans officially reserves the right to beat you square in the face with a shoe... A pointy shoe... the kind you find in those really kinky sex-toy stores, with the chrome spikey heels. TD Complain here MUN (Insert Funny Quote Here)
edit War Were Declared.
edit Chucksters/Norrisites BEWARE
The Adjutant's Warning -
"Followers of Norris! You Chucksters, or Norrisites, or whatever the hell you may be! Know this! Your tired jokery has gone too far. Farther than Steve Ballmer references. Farther than Kanye West quotes. Much, much farther. Know this! The Disgruntled Postal Veterans intend to declare an Act of War against you and your limp-dicked attempt at comedy. We shall employ various means, such as Bottomless Pits, daisy-chained anti-personnel mines, and suicide squirrels strapped with explosive nuts to bring the fight directly into your rotted-from-the-inside heads. When we are done with you, you will know this: Chuck Norris is not funny. Chuck Norris has never been funny. Chuck Norris will never be funny. You have been warned! God Bless this wiki!"
edit Members Desiring Special Recognition
This section is currently planned for significant expansion. Unfortunately, due to a lower turnout with membership, our group slush-fund is suffering from a lack of Dues... coincidentally enough resulting from a lack of membership... As such, the budgetary allotment for handling special recognition has been temporarily suspended in favor of not starving. We thank you for your time, and appreciate your patience. --Commandant TD