Honda
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[edit] Honda History
Honda originally started out making war vehicles (tanks, jeeps, etc...). Innovation at Honda has been there since the beginning- to save gas, in 1941, Honda designed a powered by slave labor to chauffeur around government officials. At the end of the war, Honda was forced to stop being evil, and changed its focus to small(sometimes very small) economical vehicles. Modified Hondas are known as ricers. Otherwise they are simply called shitboxes. Hondas are generally driven by jews.
[edit] Postwar Honda and the American Invasion
From 1945 until 1970, Honda perfected the small car in Japan and slowly planned its attack on the American market. In 1973, Honda, finally feeling ready, sent kamikaze airplanes into various oil refineries in the middle east, causing a huge soar in the price of oil, and thus creating a huge demand for their small efficient cars. American car companies responded by making piece of shit (amazing) cars for the next two decades.
[edit] Honda cars
Honda Lawn Mower - This model was designed for developing countries, where people were too poor to buy a car, but had a lawn that needed to be mowed. The Lawn mower has space for two (one on top, and one steering from the back) and comes with an optional trunk on the back. Cardboard seats are an optional extra advertised with up to 10 exclamation marks, a method which has been successfully proven to excite people. It also cuts grass.
1986 Honda D'Accord- French for "alright". Derived from the plans for the Ferrari Testarossa, the Honda D'Accord was the best attempt at an Italian sports car from the Japanese. It was equipped with a .5L Hachenmota engine which boasted a modest 55bhp. The same engine could be found in the groud slamming 1947 Fiat Picolino. The car was met with great acclaim by Home and House with Martha Stewart.
Honda CR-X - Pronounced "Crackass". This may have been one of Honda's few intelligent designs, except it sucks. This hatchback compact is easily put to shame by Honda's own slightly larger, more useful (also slightly) Hatchback Accord. Or any other hatchback besides a Geo. The CR-X is able to produce a respectable amount of power after about $5,000 of aftermarket modification.
Honda CR-V- Pronounced "Serve". Actually a rip-off of the Jeep Wrangler, the "CR-V" was designed with off-road capabilites in mind. However, those capabilites were never implemented, so the CR-V became a "Crossover". An enormous scandal erupted in 2007, when it was discovered that the CR-V was copied from the Chinese Laibao SRV, and Honda was forced to pay $9,000,000 in damages.
Honda S2000 - This car was conceived after engineers in Honda stole design plans from Porsche. But lacking sufficent steel to make an equal car, they settled for one that could look good from a distance. At 120 BHP, this is Honda's fastest car yet. The S2000 has the ability to accelerate her occupants to about 75 MPH before flinging them through the windsheild as the seatbelts are ornamental only. All are sold with an "I'm proud it ain't a civic" badge.
Honda Civic - Honda engineers stole the blue prints for the Ford Escort coupe, which was in development during World War II. The Civic sold remarkably over the Escort, due to the addition of a big-ass loud tailpipe that offered more horsepower to effectively escape The Rapture and make it sound like you're taking a shit while driving down the road. And let us not forget the biggest wing you can duct tape to your car. Remember, the bigger the wing, the more the horsepower.
Honda Vamos-Hobio!! - Meaning "Vamoose- Hobo!!" in Spanish. Honda conceived this car as a way to get rid of Japan's hobo problem. The Japanese government buys these cars to give as a home to the homeless. This, however created a big parking problem as gas is too expensive for hobos, so they must stay put. Honda then created the "Hobio parking complex" in Tokyo which solved the problem.
Honda Don't - Designed as a small city car, the Don't is so small, that in the case of an accident, all passengers would immediately die. Hence the name, short for, "Don't crash into me, please, I don't want to die".
Honda Death - Also labeled Honda Life in some markets, is another small city car built by Honda. This vehicle, whose name implies the fate of the unfortunate owner who has an accident in this car, is also prone to losing front wheels at highway speeds and/or to split in half in 5 mph crashes.
Honda Odyssey -In 1984, Honda executives falling out of a pub found that a regular sedan was not capacious enough for projectile vomiting. The development of the Odyssey was initiated to design a car long enough for a good parabolic vomit trajectory.
Honda Illusion -Don't be fooled folks: This is no van! Honda's first foray into the full-size SUV market produced this- A full size-SUV with the dynamics of a dead mime, the styling of Salvador Dali, and the fuel economy of a small aircraft carrier.
Honda Jet - A jet that gets 30 miles to the gallon and costs under $45,000. Seats and wings optional.
Honda (un)Fit - A car that is prone to losing its temper. However, because it's so small, it can't do much damage despite its frequent fits of rage.
[edit] See also
| This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series |
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Companies: Toyota | Nintendo | Honda | Mazda | Mainichi Shimbun | Mitsubishi People: Otaku | Chikan | Japanese | Godzilla | Junichiro Koizumi | Hayao Miyazaki | Yoshiro Mori | Shinzo Abe | Shigeru Miyamoto | Sadaharu Oh | Hikaru Utada Places: Japan | Tokyo | Kyoto | Osaka | Kobe | Hiroshima | Nagasaki | Okinawa | Naha Organizations CLAMP | CLAMP school |
Now when you buy a Honda, you will receive a free Japanese girl at your Honda dealer.
