Hobbit
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“Hobbits.... are a disease, a cancer of this planet, they are a plague, and we are the cure.”
~ Lord Elron on Making up Matrix quotes
Hobbits are on sale at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart can afford to put their hobbits on sale because they are imported from Guatamala, where hobbits are mass-produced by sweat-shop wageless fools making tree fitty a month. Ironically, Hobbits at Wal-Mart also cost tree fitty.
Hobbits make a light and lively snack. They are remotely related to the rubbish, an animal with very long ears, and are commonly known as Romanians.
They are to be confused with feral midgets. If they don't get their Woodbines, hobbits can get pretty aggressive.
Hobbits were portrayed in the Star Wars Saga as a group of expendable characters used as cannon fodder against Darth Vader.
[edit] The Origin of The Hobbit
Tolkien: Well, I haven't sold that trilogy yet, maybe a children's book as a prequel!
Mrs. Tolkien: A children's book! But, J.R., you *scare* children. Even little Chris can barely look at you without sobbing!
Tolkien: Nonsense; the boy's just not used to the graduate students that follow me around. They are rather scary, what with their red eyes and long teeth. They should get more sun.
Mrs. Tolkien: I don't know, J.R. What do you know about children?
Tolkien: I know they like cute, dwarfish fuzzy creatures. Young Chris likes that Teddy Roosevelt bear the nanny got him, doesn't he?
Mrs. Tolkien: J.R., that *is* the nanny. It's not her fault she's from Manchester.
Tolkien: Jolly good. The book will be about a hideous hair-covered forty-nine year-old agoraphobe like her.
Mrs. Tolkien: J.R.! That's horrible!
Tolkien: It's not horrible; it's folklore! Good old English folklore is full of tales of tiny half-bestial things living in rat-infested stables and servant's quarters, drinking milk, milking the goats, making shoes and cleaning up. You know, charming peasant things.
Mrs. Tolkien: J.R., really! A children's book? About linguistics and starring a middle-aged bogart?
Tolkien: Well, yes. We could put the graduate students in it. They'd make jolly good villains.
Graduate Students: Rrrrgh!
[edit] Recent Discoveries
In recent years, researchers have traced the modern-day hobbit to a type of large rodent, Giganicus Rodenticus Hobbitititus. This subspecies was recently discovered on the Islets of Langerhans in the South Pacific that had all the physical attributes of the hobbit (small stature, smelly and hairy feet, propensity to steal and huff kittens). Because scientists think the extinction was due to a mass outbreak of leprosy, these mini humans have been dubbed Leper-cons.
