Hmor

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 20:14, October 3, 2012 by Romartus (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Good Small Nominated Article
This article has been nominated for highlighting on the front page—you can vote for it or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Please see this article's entry.
No U Turn
The national flag and coat-of-arms

“A fcking stpid idea for a contry.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Hmor

“♪♪ That's Hmore [sic] ♪♪”
~ Dean Martin on Hmor

The nation of Hmor is the first sovereignty on Earth created with the single, legally defined goal of completely eliminating a letter from English. Other states in the region have also followed the policy of lexicon finality (or glyphicide) with other letters of the alphabet.

History

Hmor1
Pal Hose. A visionary missionary against That Damned Letter.

Systems of writing have often been a basis for great historical conflict, as well as a factor in the schisms of Christianity. The Catholic-Arian strife, leading to the Nicene Creed in 325 A.D., was based on a single[1] letter. The American War of Independence, despite having political aspects, mainly concerned differences in spelling words like 'color.' After its victory, America exiled citizens who persisted in misspelling these words, and that is how Canada came to be.

In modern times, a man now known as Pal Hose was a minor copy-rewriter for a technical editing firm in London's East End when Wikia took it over and mandated dropping the excess letters that Brits add to words like 'color.' Hose tragically over-reacted to this edict for the rest of his short professional career, removing that letter even where it was best left in place. Later, on an ocean voyage that was shipwrecked off the coast of Indochina, Hose finally got the chance to effect his ideas, creating a nation on his new island home that he named Hmor. The name may have reflected his sense of good cheer, or the fact that the island's natives were of the Hmong tribe (and many were hmongos).

Hmor today

To the Hmorese people, Hmor is both the name of their nation and a placeholder for that word that can no longer be spelled. They also optimistically refer to the place as 'Topia. The local money is the Pond. On the notes printed by the Hmor National Mint is a portrait of Pal Hose standing on a pile of the banned letter as he gives the finger to the Kangaroo Continent, the British Monarch and the Oxford English Dictionary.

Censorship

Hmor2
Hmor's censors checking books for the offending letter.

As Morocco confiscates maps that show an independent Western Sahara, Hmor border police seize dictionaries, except where an entire section has been excised. Policemen of a more sadistic frame of mind demand that offenders eat the removed pages as well.

Nancymitford1
Nancy Mitford: 'Not Welcome' in Hmor.

Contrary to extremist Anti-Hmor websites, the Hmorese Government doesn't yet imprison people for making the noise associated with the banned letter. However, all information coming into Hmor that contains the letter is censored. So James Joyce's book lysses has lost its first letter. Other examples are nder Milk Wood by Dylan Thomas and the Prince film nder the Cherry Moon.

Nancy Mitford's essay The English Aristocracy, which appeared in a magazine in 1954, was immediately banned in Hmor, as it contained a long list of words which were "pornographied" (their words) by adding the banned letter. Mitford had then complained that her work merely described how the British aristocracy self-identified with idiosyncracies in English. In the end, the Hmorese government simply banned the magazine--and also anyone who looked like a British aristocrat coming to the island and "tipping filth" on Hmor's civilization.

Torism

Those who wish to visit the island are made aware at the airport that they cannot mention or employ the letter whilst there. So, once they pass a body-cavity search for any sign of the letter, visitors have their passports stamped with the word Torist. This had led to problems when American visitors to Hmor go back home. Many have been stopped by their immigration officers, who have misread Torist as Terrorist. Only when they are told to strip down and handed the orange prisoner clothing do the holiday-makers realize something has gone very wrong.

People still travel to Hmor despite these restrictions. Many say that this is the only place they can visit in safety where they do not have to face the daily horror of being confronted with that letter. There are some minor inconveniences. For example, the missing key between Y and I on all the island's keyboards makes correspondence problematic. Software filters incoming text messages and deletes the same letter. No one really minds in the end, as experiencing exotic ways of life is part of the motivation for foreign travel.

Foreign policy

Predictably, political leaders in Hmor have followed an aggressive foreign policy, trying to make diplomatic recognition and commerce conditional on the willingness of partner nations also to drop the objectionable letter. This extraterritoriality is comparable to American policy on banking and air travel. Rossiya (as it now transliterates Россия) was the first nation to accede to this demand; there were many other things happening at the time and no one noticed. However, America resists dropping its official name and being known only as America, considering the problems it creates for other nations of the Americas. Britain has also insisted on maintaining its two-word formal name along with the common name.

There are worse places than Hmor

Ubahn1
Displaying indecent signs like this will see a criminal serve Five Years Hard Algebra.

Polls report that the Hmorese people are happy with the lack of this letter. The people often say that the nearby island tyranny of East Hmor[2] is far more extreme. In East Hmor, the letter E is banned instead. This has often led to conflict between the two islands, made worse by both sides sending messages to each other that neither can comprehend, as their diplomats have agreed to omit both offensive letters in all correspondence.[3]

To the north, the Cape of Good Hmor (a leading exporter of Popsicles, which bans both D and Q) has agitated for a regional defense alliance. However, if all the islands in the archipelago participated, press releases might have to contain no letters at all.

Footnotes

  1. People have died for less.[[1]]
  2. Like Hmor, East Hmor owes its existence to another lipogramist, Earnest Wincent Wright, who "took violence" against the letter E and wrote "Gadsby," a 50,000-word novel promoting his own 'Topia. He then moved to another island near Hmor and created a rival lexicomical nation. The reader will recognize him as Arnst Wincnt Wright.
  3. Quoting directly from recent correspondence between the two Hmors: …frthrmor, according to the Constittion of Hmor, w hav rfsd to stack any copis of yor offnsiv book. Tak away yor trash!.. This tendency, in its final stages, came to dominate chat rooms. OMG WTF LOL.

See also

No U Turn
Government Warning

Changes to this article in violation of Hmorese law will be swiftly Reverted.

Countries and territories of Asia
Euroasia Armenia - Azerbaijan - Cyprus - Georgia - Japan-France - Russia - Turkey (the country, not the bird) - Lebanon
East Asia People's Republic of China - Hong Kong - Japan - Kansai Republic - Korea (north) (south) (pick 'em) - Macau - Mongolia - Taiwan (Republic of Taiwan)
Western Asia Afghanistan - Arabia - Bahrain - Iran - Iraq - Israel - Jordan - Kuwait - Oman - Pakistan - Palestine - Qatar - Saudi Arabia - Syria - United Arab Emirates - Wherethefuckistan - Yemen
Central Asia Kazakhstan - Kyrgyzstan - Tajikistan - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - other-stan
South Asia Bangladesh - Bhutan - India - Maldives - Nepal - Sri Lanka - Tibet
Southeast Asia Cambodia - East Timor - Hmor - Indonesia - Laos - Burma - Malaysia - Philippines - Singapore - Thailand - West Timor - Vietnam

Personal tools
projects