Hippies

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{{q|Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.|Eric Theodore Cartman|hippies}}
 
{{q|Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.|Eric Theodore Cartman|hippies}}
 
{{q|They're not people, they're hippies!|Eric Theodore Cartman|hippies}}
 
{{q|They're not people, they're hippies!|Eric Theodore Cartman|hippies}}
{{q|They left my nether regions reeking of pachouli.|Oscar Wilde|hippies}}
 
{{q|Did you mean: croppies.|Google|hippies}}
 
 
{{q|Free Sex and Drugs or Vietnam. Which would you have picked?|Old Hippie Dude|hippies}}
 
{{q|Free Sex and Drugs or Vietnam. Which would you have picked?|Old Hippie Dude|hippies}}
 
{{q|...Oops.|God|Creating hippies}}
 
{{q|...Oops.|God|Creating hippies}}
[[Image:Earth_tranny.png|thumb|right|300px|This is like when [[male]] crusties get that Maori facial [[tattoo]] that looks like a [[goatee]] And they don’t know it means “married woman. This is a great hippie costume and everything, guy, but you realize you are in drag, right? You are like an Earth [[transvestite|Tranny]].]]
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[[Image:Earth_tranny.png|thumb|right|300px|The common hippie. Hippies are extremely dangerous to humans and should only be approached when packing [[Ronald Reagan|ultra-conservatism]].]]
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
{{wikipedia}}
   
'''Hippies''' are what your mother and father used to be when they were adolescents. They might look very prim and proper right now, and they constantly tell you to finish your vegetables, but they were actually very wild and crazy when they were your age. They started the whole "Hey maann, groovy.." slang and the drug-doing, publicly-nude, authority-hating, ''Age of Aquarius'' thing that continues to be re-emulated troughout the 90's and today. As ironic as it may seem, your parents actually started the very rebellious lifestyle that they are trying to stop [[you]] from taking part in in.
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==Hippies, man!==
  +
'''Hippies''' (''homo groovius'') are a semisentient subspecies of humanity that first evolved in the 1960s and are now mostly extinct. The result of experimental drug testing on bunny rabbits, hippies transformed the face of the United States and Great Britain. The hippie race was characterized by their outtasite vibes, psychedelic [[drugs]], smelly odors, obscenely long hair, and above all, the tendency to "[[the man|fight the power]]." Hippies were extremely active in both [[politics]] and [[sex]], and often confused the two. [[liberal|Liberal tendencies]] and [[sex|fornication]] are now thought of as the reason for overpopulation in the world today.
  +
[[Image:Hippie-48540.jpg|left|thumb|250px|Old hippies, yeahh.]]
   
Hippies believe that their politics and lifestyle hold the key to humanity's salvation, but in actuality ruin ''everything'', and must be destroyed. They are drunk 24/7, and, whell, dont know what condoms are. Hippies are the pawns of [[neoconservative]] [[fascists]], as evidenced by their support for [[Ralph Nader]] in the 2000 presidential election and their tendency to [[homosexuality]].
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===Black hippies, brotha!===
  +
[[Image:Hippie-black.gif|thumb|Black hippies had ''soul,'' ma brotha. They had the ''grooove.'' Outtasite!]]
  +
Black hippies are a subspecies of the hippie subspecies, making them a subsubspecies. Black hippies differ from [[paradox|conventional hippies]] in that they got ''style''. Black hippies were noticeably [[niggers|blacker]], wore more [[bling]], and were more likely to not work for [[the man]] ''every night and day''.... Black hippies were more violent than other hippies and more likely to belong to a secret society like the [[Black Panthers]] or the Nation of Islam.
   
==Hippies in General==
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==Groovy sounds, man!==
[[Image:Hippie-48540.jpg|left|thumb|250px|Old hippies, yeahh.]]
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[[Image:Luce043.JPG|thumb|The Beatles became a force within American culture as good-old American boys from Liverpool, England. As their fame grew, however, they began to experiment with new looks to reflect their changing tastes, notably hippie culture. Their amimated piece "Pink Submarine" was actually censored by the MPAA, which forced the Beatles to make changes to their masterpiece.]]
The first recorded use of the term "hippie" was in 19th century Britain, referring to [[pie]]. Vendors in the marketplaces of [[London]] who could not afford wooden carts would artfully use their bodies to display their products, hence placing the pies on their hips (i.e., hip-pies, man). The horizontal position of the hip-pie vendors came to be associated in the Victorian mind with all manner of vice and sexual perversion, such as looking up skirts to see the outer layer of the inner skirts, man.
 
   
Hippies are a subspecies of... of... eh... well, something.. We haven't figured it out yet. They are distinguished by their long hair that flows like the unfettered (and slightly strange smelling) wind. Hippies are also distiguished by their frequent and copious consumption of [[marijuana]], to the point of being kind of pathetic. It is for this reason that many hippies join PETA, because high-ranking [[PETA]] officials offer them loads of [[pot]]. <ref> {{cite web |url=http://www.cuttingedge.org/news/n1004.html |title=Fact: Hippies = Nazis |accessdate= |author=Bay, David |authorlink=God-Fearing Republicans |coauthors= |date= |year=1999 |month=April |format= |work= |publisher=CuttingEdge.com |pages= |language= |archiveurl= |archivedate= |quote= }} </ref>
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Most hippies didn't know they were hippies until some one told them in a song. It started when Alan Ginsberg, Maharishi, [[Bob Dylan]], Ira Ram Dass, Zappa, and, like, the sultans of cool, [[The Yardbirds]], all started listening to Cleary (no relation to marble of same name) rant about the Thardo Bodal - The Tibetan Book of Like, Wow! which was instant enlightenment through sacred [[LSD]] ingestion OR smoking the dried skin of [[Sahara]] bananas. The catch was it all leads to NOthingness - if you can dig that. This message of "Make Love Not War in the Void" was propounded by such psych bands as [[Jefferson Starship]], [[The Misunderstood]], The [[Grateful Dead]], The [[3rd Bardo]], as well as smaller, unknown bands like the [[Beatles]] (who not only were hippies, but transgenders as well). We're talking, like, [[psychedelic]] music here. Catch my drift? If you can't SEE your music then you’re not listening to a Psychedelic or Hippie tune. In 1969, scientists from all over the world gathered near [[Woodstock]] to observe the largest recorded hippie gathering in history. The groovy rhythms provided by hippie bands like [[The Who]] drove thousands of hippies into a [[sex|mating frenzy]] that was dutifully recorded in every orgiastic detail by numerous researchers.
   
Ahron Turk is the most wanted hippie of this area and is thought to be in Richland Center, WI. Call his house and hug a tree.
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==Trippin' drugs, man. Whoa...==
  +
[[Image:Degaullewithkaleidoscopeeyes.jpg|thumb|''Picture yourself on a train in a station,
  +
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties,
  +
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
  +
de Gaulle with kaleidoscope eyes... '']]
   
Contrary to what the name seems to indicate, these aren't hippies who hug trees, dude, man. Tree huggers are an altogether different breed of hippy, who, through their practice of dendrophilia intend to save the worlds forests... or hump them... either way.
+
Generally thought of as the defining trait in hippies are the copious amounts of narcotics and hallucingens that make up the hippies' diet. In the 1960s, the marijuana, LSD, crack cocaine, and smoked Sahara banana peels that was pumped into the U. S. for President Lyndon B. Johnson's personal enjoyment was piling up. In a grandiose show of kindness to the lesser races, LBJ gave most of it to the hippies scattered across the nation. When critics accused LBJ of being on drugs at the time for getting rid of so many good drugs, LBJ stopped them and said-- "Hey! Hey! Whoaaa....." Drugs left hippies in a state of constant stoned-ness, which some claimed to be [[Nirvana]]. However, hippies often made easy targets for [[hunter]]s. This is a contributing factor to the next sectio... hey, man... whoa... groovy.... I love you, pretty colors..... <small>*crack* thud</small>
 
 
The giggling stoner is a pretty common form of hippy and can usually be found in places with a wide array of shiny objects and lots of drugs!
 
 
The years since the 1960's have seen a noticable decline in the number of hippies worldwide. In 1968 there were perhaps millions of hippies roaming the forests and plains of america. That number has shrunk down to the tens of thousands and is expected to continue declining in the future. Fewer and fewer hippies are born each year, while their natural enemies the [[emo kids]] have seen a surge in population. The cause of this may be a result of recent urbanization in certain areas of the world that makes the land unsuitable for hippies because cities totally kill their buzz, man. All that [[government]] and [[cement]] is just, like, bad.
 
 
===Hippy Music===
 
Most hippies didn't know they were hippies until some one told them in a song. It started when Alan Ginsberg, Maharishi, [[Bob Dylan]], Ira Ram Dass, Zappa, and, like, the sultans of cool, [[The Yardbirds]], all started listening to Cleary (no relation to marble of same name) rant about the Thardo Bodal - The Tibetan Book of Like, Wow! which was instant enlightenment through sacred [[LSD]] ingestion OR smoking the dried skin of [[Sahara]] bananas. The catch was it all leads to NOthingness - if you can dig that. This message of "Make Love Not War in the Void" was propounded by such psych bands as [[Jefferson Starship]], [[The Misunderstood]], The [[Grateful Dead]], The [[3rd Bardo]], as well as smaller, unknown bands like the [[Beatles]] (all of whom ripped off the Yardbirds, Man). We're talking, like, [[psychedelic]] music here. Catch my drift? If you can't SEE your music then you’re not listening to a Psychedelic or Hippie tune. Real psychedelic music, as it was brought to Earth by Aquarius (after Deshvarothu traded his "out there" record collection for a life-time supply of [[Soma]]), was divided into two types:
 
 
* British Psychedelic - Mods on hash, metallic, explosive, loud, radical, feed back, and other madness deemed music by unknown British DJ, [[John Peel]].
 
 
* USA Psychedelic - Country hicks on weed, thin "plunk plunk" guitar, rinky-dink drums, uncool funky clothes and main concern being the draft, deemed music by unknown US DJ, [[John Peel]].
 
 
It should be noted that during the 'swinging sixties' the [[devil]] himself took the shape of "Uncle Sam Wants You!" poster, and all musicians from the USA faced the [[Vietnam]] [[War]] [[Draft]] and were unable to play freely. During the same period the British musicians had no such restrictions. The result was [[Heavy Metal]] and [[Punk]]. All this appeared to further aggravate [[General Westmoreland]], in spite of his being a closet Hippy Music lover, as well as his [[gay]] son being Press Agent of seminal Punk band, "Body Count".
 
 
The most famous Hippie music lyrics are: "Help! I'm a rock!" by Pat Boone from his infamous song, "Zonked in Church" (ref. Let It ALL Hang Out album - 1967). Later in the 20th Century these same lyrics were ripped-off by Porn star [[Peter North]] while explaining his dilemma in a [[Hustler Magazine]] article (Issue No 666). When asked about the article [[Larry Flint]] proved he was not a true Hippie when he replied, "Whattya expect ME to do about it? Sure I'm against FREE love!" Ref. Hustler Magazine article (Issue No 667). To this [[Alan Ginsberg]] retorted, "Screw him!" (Ref. Digger's Times, No 1).
 
 
The most significant example of the power of Hippie music was its use by the [[North Vietnamese]] to defeat the [[World]] during the [[Vietnam War]]. They broadcast to the troops via a dummy Radio Show, "Good Morning, Suckers!" hosted by DJ double agent [[Robin Williams]]. It is believed to have been the most popular Radio Show on Earth until the start of the 1970s when it's popularity declined along with Hipology (also see [[VOID]]).
 
 
Interesting fact: It has been determined by dudes who know about this shit (DWKATS) that a [[Pink Floyd]] concert uses more [[electricity]] than the town of Alamo, Texas, USA uses in 93,533.71 years - which amounts to 9,873,008,900 barrels of crude [[oil]] converted into juice. (Ref. Expert's Guide to Beginner Science, Issue No. 1967.5 AD). When asked about this Hippie energy waste the Gov. of [[Texas]] (who's son and two daughters are hippies) replied (with a grin), "Hell, 'lectric chair ain't cheap neither."
 
   
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==Free love!==
  +
Hippies reproduced constantly, any place<ref>Doing it swinging from lampposts was especially popular.</ref>, any time, any one. For ugly people, it was an amazing time. The mating process was very simple, one only had to say, "come on baby, light my [[fire]]" and you were ''goin'.'' However, for that extra advantage, hippies often refrained from showering for years at a time, which created a distinct smell of body odor that tended to attract female hippies intent on producing mini hippie babies. The intoxicating mix of human stench, pot smoke, and a ritualistically applied patchouli oil creates a natural hippie pheremone that's like cosmic moonbeams and sunshine rainbows... you know what I mean, dude, man...? The complete and total free love, man, had several setbacks that contributed to the downfall of hippies in the '80s, namely, [[AIDS]] and [[you]].
  +
----
 
===Hygiene===
 
===Hygiene===
 
Hippies get laid... a '''lot''', so while it's easy to make fun of them, it's important to keep this in mind, dude, man. On the other hand, their [[women]] are stinky and have hairy armpits, but beneath all of this hair is the cure for AIDS, dude, man, so, like, come on, guy...The female hippies vagina smells like cheese that has been left out in the sun on a sweltering July afternoon.
 
Hippies get laid... a '''lot''', so while it's easy to make fun of them, it's important to keep this in mind, dude, man. On the other hand, their [[women]] are stinky and have hairy armpits, but beneath all of this hair is the cure for AIDS, dude, man, so, like, come on, guy...The female hippies vagina smells like cheese that has been left out in the sun on a sweltering July afternoon.
   
Showering is completely optional for the true hippie, in fact, a distinct smell of body odor tends to attract female hippies intent on producing mini hippie babies. The intoxicating mix of human stench, pot smoke, and a ritualistically applied patchouli oil creates a natural hippie pheremone that's like cosmic moonbeams and sunshine rainbows... you know what I mean, dude, man?
+
   
 
===Fashion ===
 
===Fashion ===
 
Hippies wear bright, [[clown]]-like clothing as a reaction to perceived social conformity. However, like most hippie beliefs this one is inherently hypocritical, as they will ostracize anyone who does not dress exactly like they do. When dressing as a hippie, be prepared to invest large amounts of money and time in an attempt to look like you don't give a damn about what people think of you. Hippies are actually shy people, and quantum physics has proven that if you are wearing more then 8 unmatched colours, you are invisible to beings seeing through the consumer spectrum.
 
Hippies wear bright, [[clown]]-like clothing as a reaction to perceived social conformity. However, like most hippie beliefs this one is inherently hypocritical, as they will ostracize anyone who does not dress exactly like they do. When dressing as a hippie, be prepared to invest large amounts of money and time in an attempt to look like you don't give a damn about what people think of you. Hippies are actually shy people, and quantum physics has proven that if you are wearing more then 8 unmatched colours, you are invisible to beings seeing through the consumer spectrum.
 
[[Image:1969stargate.jpg|thumb|right|Hippie threads in action.]]
 
* '''Hair:''' Economics reigns here, as those fruitcakes that call themselves [[hairdresser]]s are known [[terrorist]]s and besides, Hippies have constant bed-head from getting laid all the time. Free love, dude, man.
 
* '''Deodorant:''' None. Just the patchouli oil, ritualistically applied to enhance natural body odors
 
* '''Soap:''' Nah, man - au naturale, like [[Jesus]], living off the land...
 
* '''Magic Vans:''' Hippies, masters of cunning and confusion, like to paint peace signs on vans which are then run into anything and everything in a symbolic display of anti-governmental protest. The Pentagon has considered hippie vans as a fifth mode of attack (after land, sea, air and space).
 
* '''Weed trousers:''' These pants, made from hemp, are known as "Weed Trousers" because hemp is the male variety of the cannabis strain. Ironically, they never really "took-off," except at airports, where hippies are forced to take them off, as a precaution.
 
* '''Shirt:''' They usually wear multicoloured shirts, possible made of used condom shreds or [[Marijuana]] stems,dude .
 
 
===What Hippies Won't Eat===
 
*[[animals]]
 
*[[non-magical brownies]]
 
*Obscure [[Metal]] Bands.
 
*[[seashells]]
 
*[[Gruyere]] cheese with a consistency less than 'wet dog'
 
* Anything not organic, it has to be overpriced shit from Whole Foods
 
*sweet, succulent, tasty [[veal]]
 
* A [[grue]], It will eat them.
 
* Anything that [[isn't real]] or anything that [[hasn't been invented yet]]
 
* Actually intelligent beings, because hippies are their favorite snack food.
 
 
===Your Hippie Heritadge===
 
Nothing can be worse than finding out your parents were hippies though, man (with the possible exception of having a fish stuffed in your ear). I mean, come on dude! The emotional baggage alone will drive you to their stash - which most often can be found in the garage, in boxes labeled: "Economics Books" Or "Cher Music." This is an ingenious hippie parent trick and should not throw you off. Some cunning hippies will in fact store their stash among the aforementioned items. Handle the contents with caution, remember - you're looking for the stash, not the years of therapy you'll need when you experience the other items, that's totaly heavy man... Alexander (mhippie)Valdes
 
 
=="The" Hippy==
 
Hey, mitch, write stuff about me and the absolute fascist mum in here you motherbitch
 
 
== Cure ==
 
There is no known cure for being a hippie other than suicide, man. Although straightjackets have recently become popular, the suggested method of cure for being a hippie is still killing them, preferably dressed in a clown costume because then the hippie will think you're one of their own. Killing hippies is extremely easy and can be done with virtually any household appliance. Preferably a flashlight with a large oversized handle. This object quickly brings back memories of cops in the 60's that brought about mass buzz kill during hippie marches.
 
   
 
==Protesting==
 
==Protesting==
 
As hippies have no jobs/friends/life, they are constantly bored and aggravated. They worship the Hippie Bible, which features commandments such as "Love thy nectar" and "Thou shalt not bathe." A major part of this religion involves interrupting actual hard working people in an act they call "protesting", but we call "FUCK OFF!" Many make signs (ironically out of lopped trees turned to paper) with some of the smartest comments you will ever read. A couple of common examples include "Trees Can't Fight Back" and "Animals Are People Too." With brilliant minds such as those involved in the creation of these signs being involved in the hippie lifestyle, it is hard to tell that all hippies dropped out in eighth grade and started smoking pot.
 
As hippies have no jobs/friends/life, they are constantly bored and aggravated. They worship the Hippie Bible, which features commandments such as "Love thy nectar" and "Thou shalt not bathe." A major part of this religion involves interrupting actual hard working people in an act they call "protesting", but we call "FUCK OFF!" Many make signs (ironically out of lopped trees turned to paper) with some of the smartest comments you will ever read. A couple of common examples include "Trees Can't Fight Back" and "Animals Are People Too." With brilliant minds such as those involved in the creation of these signs being involved in the hippie lifestyle, it is hard to tell that all hippies dropped out in eighth grade and started smoking pot.
   
==What To Do If You Encounter a Hippie==
 
[[Image:Weed cove.JPG|thumb|right|300px| The Hippie Map To Weed Cove (an island full of weed).]]
 
If you get the misfortune of being cornered by hippies, simply use the following instructions:
 
 
#Ask yourself just who this rudderless hippie is, and if he has a hunting knife strapped to his shin.
 
#Run like hell, hippies only bite if you stay still, as weed pants aren't good to run in.
 
#Inform them that you have a spoon, and if they need their tonsils they better stand back.
 
#Try to distract them by yelling "Look over there! A group of small furry animals being beaten by military police!"
 
#Pretend you are a Greek traveling salesman, and offer them samples of whatever is handy, telling them it's hummus.
 
#Play Dead.
 
#Slowly raise your arms, and make the peace sign, while saying "Peace , love and unity brother".
 
This should confuse the hippie into thinking you might be a hippie, at which point you should run
 
# BY NO MEANS SHOULD THE PHRASE "COMMUNISM CAN'T WORK" '''EVER''' COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH> THEY WILL NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP AFTER YOU SAY THAT.
 
#If all that doesn't work........ I dunno, shit yourself!
 
#If shitting yourself doesn't work get the hippie your pants and a sock for his/her hair.
 
#Suck their cunt juice.
 
#Remember hippies are people to... ah who am i kidding.
 
 
==Five Steps To Ward Off an Enraged Hippie==
 
Hippies are generally a peace loving nomadic tribe that wanders from one forest preserve to another (occasionally entering into our modern day cities for what they call “the munchies”), man. However after ingesting large amounts of mushrooms, it is quite often that hippies go on “bad trips,” dude. It is generally known that hippies avoid confrontation at any cost, but when high on [[mushroom|shroom]]s they suddenly become violent and unpredictable, man. To a tripping hippie reality no longer exists, cats look like dogs, apples look like oranges, and babies can be blended into a smooth tasty drink, dude. If you are confronted by an enraged hippie, do not panic, just remember to follow these five easy steps, man.
 
 
'''STEP TWO''': ''[[YOU]] MUST REMAIN CALM'', man. While high, a hippie's senses are heightened, and it is rumored that they can smell fear.
 
 
'''STEP FIVE''': ''EMPTY ALL FOOD FROM YOUR POCKETS'', man. Many victims of hippie attacks are hurt while the hippie/hippies are trying to get at concealed food, man.
 
 
'''STEP ONE''': ''HUM A SIMON & GARFUNKEL SONG'', man. The soothing folk music will often put the hippie to sleep, man.
 
 
'''STEP FOUR''': ''DISTRACT THE HIPPY WITH OBJECTS ON YOUR PERSON'', man. Cell phones, car keys, and cheap hand tricks are all effective distractions that will distance the hippie from his rage, man. WARNING: Do not take the hippie's nose!!!
 
 
'''STEP SEVEN''': ''TERMINATE'', man. If you have reached Step Five it is safe to say you are dealing with a level five hippie attack, man. Hippies at stage five cannot be brought back from their state and must be terminated or captured with a [[Pokeball]], man. Hippies can only be killed by silver bullets, garlic, holy water, responsibility, or [[The Man]]. So make sure to always carry one or more of these items on you at all times, man.
 
 
'''NOTE''': If the hippie is not enraged please look for help in the "What To Do If You Encounter a Hippie" section, man.
 
   
 
==Random Hippie Trivia==
 
==Random Hippie Trivia==
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== See Also ==
 
== See Also ==
 
*[[Jesus]]
 
*[[Jesus]]
+
==References==
  +
<references/>
 
{{Race}}
 
{{Race}}
 
==References==
 
<references/>
 
   
   

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“Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.”
“They're not people, they're hippies!”
“Free Sex and Drugs or Vietnam. Which would you have picked?”
~ Old Hippie Dude on hippies
“...Oops.”
~ God on Creating hippies
Earth tranny

The common hippie. Hippies are extremely dangerous to humans and should only be approached when packing ultra-conservatism.

Bouncywikilogo2
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hippies.

Hippies, man!

Hippies (homo groovius) are a semisentient subspecies of humanity that first evolved in the 1960s and are now mostly extinct. The result of experimental drug testing on bunny rabbits, hippies transformed the face of the United States and Great Britain. The hippie race was characterized by their outtasite vibes, psychedelic drugs, smelly odors, obscenely long hair, and above all, the tendency to "fight the power." Hippies were extremely active in both politics and sex, and often confused the two. Liberal tendencies and fornication are now thought of as the reason for overpopulation in the world today.

File:Hippie-48540.jpg

Black hippies, brotha!

Hippie-black

Black hippies had soul, ma brotha. They had the grooove. Outtasite!

Black hippies are a subspecies of the hippie subspecies, making them a subsubspecies. Black hippies differ from conventional hippies in that they got style. Black hippies were noticeably blacker, wore more bling, and were more likely to not work for the man every night and day.... Black hippies were more violent than other hippies and more likely to belong to a secret society like the Black Panthers or the Nation of Islam.

Groovy sounds, man!

Luce043

The Beatles became a force within American culture as good-old American boys from Liverpool, England. As their fame grew, however, they began to experiment with new looks to reflect their changing tastes, notably hippie culture. Their amimated piece "Pink Submarine" was actually censored by the MPAA, which forced the Beatles to make changes to their masterpiece.

Most hippies didn't know they were hippies until some one told them in a song. It started when Alan Ginsberg, Maharishi, Bob Dylan, Ira Ram Dass, Zappa, and, like, the sultans of cool, The Yardbirds, all started listening to Cleary (no relation to marble of same name) rant about the Thardo Bodal - The Tibetan Book of Like, Wow! which was instant enlightenment through sacred LSD ingestion OR smoking the dried skin of Sahara bananas. The catch was it all leads to NOthingness - if you can dig that. This message of "Make Love Not War in the Void" was propounded by such psych bands as Jefferson Starship, The Misunderstood, The Grateful Dead, The 3rd Bardo, as well as smaller, unknown bands like the Beatles (who not only were hippies, but transgenders as well). We're talking, like, psychedelic music here. Catch my drift? If you can't SEE your music then you’re not listening to a Psychedelic or Hippie tune. In 1969, scientists from all over the world gathered near Woodstock to observe the largest recorded hippie gathering in history. The groovy rhythms provided by hippie bands like The Who drove thousands of hippies into a mating frenzy that was dutifully recorded in every orgiastic detail by numerous researchers.

Trippin' drugs, man. Whoa...

Degaullewithkaleidoscopeeyes

Picture yourself on a train in a station, With plasticine porters with looking glass ties, Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile, de Gaulle with kaleidoscope eyes...

Generally thought of as the defining trait in hippies are the copious amounts of narcotics and hallucingens that make up the hippies' diet. In the 1960s, the marijuana, LSD, crack cocaine, and smoked Sahara banana peels that was pumped into the U. S. for President Lyndon B. Johnson's personal enjoyment was piling up. In a grandiose show of kindness to the lesser races, LBJ gave most of it to the hippies scattered across the nation. When critics accused LBJ of being on drugs at the time for getting rid of so many good drugs, LBJ stopped them and said-- "Hey! Hey! Whoaaa....." Drugs left hippies in a state of constant stoned-ness, which some claimed to be Nirvana. However, hippies often made easy targets for hunters. This is a contributing factor to the next sectio... hey, man... whoa... groovy.... I love you, pretty colors..... *crack* thud

Free love!

Hippies reproduced constantly, any place[1], any time, any one. For ugly people, it was an amazing time. The mating process was very simple, one only had to say, "come on baby, light my fire" and you were goin'. However, for that extra advantage, hippies often refrained from showering for years at a time, which created a distinct smell of body odor that tended to attract female hippies intent on producing mini hippie babies. The intoxicating mix of human stench, pot smoke, and a ritualistically applied patchouli oil creates a natural hippie pheremone that's like cosmic moonbeams and sunshine rainbows... you know what I mean, dude, man...? The complete and total free love, man, had several setbacks that contributed to the downfall of hippies in the '80s, namely, AIDS and you.


Hygiene

Hippies get laid... a lot, so while it's easy to make fun of them, it's important to keep this in mind, dude, man. On the other hand, their women are stinky and have hairy armpits, but beneath all of this hair is the cure for AIDS, dude, man, so, like, come on, guy...The female hippies vagina smells like cheese that has been left out in the sun on a sweltering July afternoon.


Fashion

Hippies wear bright, clown-like clothing as a reaction to perceived social conformity. However, like most hippie beliefs this one is inherently hypocritical, as they will ostracize anyone who does not dress exactly like they do. When dressing as a hippie, be prepared to invest large amounts of money and time in an attempt to look like you don't give a damn about what people think of you. Hippies are actually shy people, and quantum physics has proven that if you are wearing more then 8 unmatched colours, you are invisible to beings seeing through the consumer spectrum.

Protesting

As hippies have no jobs/friends/life, they are constantly bored and aggravated. They worship the Hippie Bible, which features commandments such as "Love thy nectar" and "Thou shalt not bathe." A major part of this religion involves interrupting actual hard working people in an act they call "protesting", but we call "FUCK OFF!" Many make signs (ironically out of lopped trees turned to paper) with some of the smartest comments you will ever read. A couple of common examples include "Trees Can't Fight Back" and "Animals Are People Too." With brilliant minds such as those involved in the creation of these signs being involved in the hippie lifestyle, it is hard to tell that all hippies dropped out in eighth grade and started smoking pot.


Random Hippie Trivia

  • Many hippies graduated from Bronx Science. It is rumored that the school is a breeding ground for these creatures. However, no one has yet been able to confirm this, because, like, I had the mad munchies, man.
  • In 1965, hippies were given LSD by the US government and their brains were linked to a supercomputer to help plan bombing strategies for the war in Vietnam, man. Needless to say the plan didn't work, dude.
  • Like, despite their hatred of government, Hippies convinced His Honor Supreme Lord Emperor George Dubya Bush that Weapons of Mass Destruction existed in Iraq, thus saving the world from, like, stuff.
  • National Kick a Hippie Day was instituted in 1974 by Richard Nixon, man. It's celebrated on April 18th, dude. That totally sucks 'cause its, like, Geoff's birthday. Hippies forget about it because they're, like, stoned, although regular people forget about it because they're, like, so busy with their taxes, man. But it was because people were upset over taxes that, like, Nixon initiated National Kick a Hippie Day, so people could kick a hippie and feel better about themselves while paying taxes, man. Wierd. But it seems everyone was stoned, because taxes were actually due on the 15th of April.
  • Hippies are illegal in the People's Republic of China, man.
  • When shopping for accessories for your hippie, remember it's a "tobacco water pipe" not a "bong," man.
  • Like, hippies string together sentences using the word "like" and usually end it with "man," man. Be careful not to confuse this use of "like" with, like, that of the Valley Girl, because they're totally into consumerism, man.
  • Why not play a game of "Find your own foot" with a stoned hippie, hours of fun man!
  • Hippies began to disappear and try to fit into regular society (see your parents), because of nearly being driven to extinction by excessive hippie hunting in the late '60s and early '70s, man. However, it is prophesised that one day hippies will rise again and finally take down the man, dude, and then they'll fill the world with shinies and moonbeams.

Hippies are actually complete retards because thay are for abortions but not for killing convicted murderers. William Shakeyoursphere once quoted " to be civilized is that of your opinion but thy humble hippie is than a bunch OXI-MORONIC, COMMIE LOVING, WORTHLESS, NON-MEAT EATING,AIR WASTERS.

See Also

References

  1. Doing it swinging from lampposts was especially popular.


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