Hipster
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A hipster is a cannibal that only eats hips. He seeks out big-hipped women and grazes on the succulent fat that covers the protruding bones. On occasion, he slices off the meat and then grills it with teriyaki sauce and garnishes the plate with juicy pineapple. For home decoration, he puts taxidermic hips on his wall on plaques, like those creepy public service get-out-and-exercise commercials, where they have freestanding potbellies and lovehandles.
Hipsters tend to live off of obese women like Nicole Richie, Calista Flockhart, and Laura Flynn Boyle. The victim of a hipster can be spotted by her loosely fitting jeans and swaying walk.
[edit] Identification
Hipsters can usually be identified by their profound use of messenger bags. These bags should be more aptly named "le bag o' death" because hipsters usually partake in homosexual activity (hence the French 'le') and generally don't make any sense. He usually carries knives and saws in this bag to procure human hips as well as the procured human hips themselves. Blood usually leaks from these canvas bags and one may contract AIDS. Advice is to stay away from them, not only for you blood's and hip's sake, but for your heterosexual lifestyle's sake.
Hipsters can also be spotted by their unusual fashion sense. Hipsters tend to wear clothes that are "off beat"$ or "unique" aka "facking ugly". It is neccessary for hipsters to wear flannel in order to lessen the effect of blood-splattered clothing, so look out for these lumberjack shirts. Hipsters can also be recognized for acting oddly, playing "music" on the side of the street, and by a strong odor of PBR, old cigarettes, and urine.
If you see an individual that matches any of the above, proceed carefully. They might not be a hipster. They may just be a homeless guy or a mental retard.
[edit] Controversy
In the U.S., various Hipster related lawsuits have been at the forefront of a media frenzy. In 1992 for instance, in what became known as the Trial of the Century, well known former NFL player Orange Juice Simpson was convicted of murdering and consuming the hips of his erstwhile lover. The case caught the cultural zeitgeist so much that it divided a nation. At the forefront of the division were two groups, the National Anti-Hipster Coalition, and the Hipster Anti-Defamation League, the former known by their slogan "Die Hipster Scum", and the latter known by the slightly less catchy "Mmm Hips... Yum!"
Many members of the H.A.D.L. claim that Mr. Simpson wasn't in fact a hipster at all, as his wife was rather thin, but in public discourse the distinction is rarely made.
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