Himura Kenshin

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Kenshin1
The dreaded Hitokiri Battōsai when he discovered that sex makes babies.
“Hey, I think that guy killed me! Oh, wait, fuck. That means I'm dead.”
~ John F. Kennedy on Himura Kenshin
“He might've kill me, too.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Himura Kenshin
“He talks strangely, that he does.”
~ Himura Kenshin on Himura Kenshin

Himura Kenshin (a.k.a. Hitokiri Battōsai), born George Clooney, is one of the most famous ninjas of all time. Before he began his career as an assassin, however, he was a famous pop singer in Japan. After releasing his greatest hits, Ready, Steady, Go, and Hi Hi Puffy-Ami-Yumi, Clooney got in a terrible accident, involving a Star Destroyer and two Oompa-Loompas. His entire face was peeled off like a banana, and it took 2000 days of non-stop surgery to partially restore his face. The parts that they couldn't fix, the doctor painted over and made it look like anime. One of the surgeons, in a frenzy of creativity, decided to draw an X on Clooney's face. Ashamed of his new appearance, Clooney changed his name to Himura Kenshin and started his career as a killer by first killing those incompetent surgeons.

One of his most famous deeds was the assassination of John F. Kennedy, although some people claimed that Kenshin merely hired a male model to do the job. Another deed was the killing of Daffy Duck. Over a period of 15 years, Kenshin had snuck uranium into the famous duck's basement, until Daffy died of radiation poisoning.

After several years of relentless killing, Kenshin finally met his match, Brad Pitt. After 112 episodes of dialogue and another 0.2 episode of fighting, Kenshin sent Brad Pitt flying into an oven. This greatly excited Hitler, and caused the humanitarian's untimely demise. As a result of the battle, Pitt now wears bandages around his body and calls himself Shishio Makoto.

edit Love Life

Kenshin later falls for Kamiya Kaoru and they get married and have little Ken-chan/Kaoru babies 0MG sooooo kawaiiiii :3 marry and become fruitful. But, beforehand, Kenshin had a sad past; accidentally killing his first wife. The homicide was discovered via Detective Shakur and Conan Edogawa's secret backmasked messages. This was entitled:

Red Head dun Killed My Boo


sample lyrics

red head dun killed my boo

he was a Samurai a

Battousai and did i mention

his name was Kenshin

he turn around and change his life

because he accidentally slayed his wife

word to your momma

edit Why People Love Him

Cuz he's so goddamn sexalicious, that's why.

But not all people love the sexalicious hunk of manliness. Kenshin's brother-in-law, Santa Clause, is an example of a Kenshin hater. Santa went on a diet after Kenshin killed his sister, Totoro. Santa drained the Atlantic Ocean, filled it with steroids, and drank the whole thing. Then, Santa tried to get revenge on Kenshin. He hung out with creepy old men and famous comic book charactes, especially Venom from Spider-man. One particular old man traveled to the future and returned with a Gundam. Of course, Kenshin pwned his old ass. Everyone knows that giant robots will never beat girly men randomly waving blunt objects around. The old man, known as Mr. Rogers, later got in touch with his feminine side and took up sewing. When it was time for the final fight, Santa drained the Pacific Ocean, filled it with steroids, and took all of the steroids. Kenshin shot a spitball into Santa's eye, killing him. The lesson of the whole series is... Don't. Fuck. With. Kenshin.

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