Hilary Duff
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Date of birth: | September 28, 1987 | |
| Birth location: | In hospital (quite likely) | |
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| Official site: | http://www.hilaryduff.com/ | |
| Bra size: | Nobody cares | |
| Implants: | Hotly debated | |
“Hilary Duff is a lesbian commie with big tits!”
~ Joseph McCarthy on Hilary Duff
Hilary Clinton Duff Beer[1] (born September 28, 1965, or, like, 1998 or 1987 or whatever, who cares) is, like, totally an American actress, death metal singer, and former jailbait. After gaining prominence in the television show "Lizzie McGaywad," she has since so totally gone onto a film career, with roles in mainstream porno pictures such as Cheaper by the Dozen, and independent films such as Material Girls, dude. Like, Duff also has made great contributions to the field of Tonal Architecture, totally a subfield of enchanting. Word!
God himself, in a recent interview with Time Magazine, when asked about Hilary Duff stated "She ain't one of mine. No way is that "In My Image".[2]
It is also said that Hilary wears dentures from the various old men she has dated.
Hilary has herself stated in a recent interview with "omgilovehilary" magazine that she does in fact ride matresses to narnia but due to running over and killing several bears and injuring the lion she has been banned and had her license revoked. It is said that Hilary had evolved from the pokemon called Jigglypuff as seen by her singing.
Contents |
[edit] Biography
Wait. Why is there a paragraph called "biography" if the whole thing is a biography? This is stupid.
[edit] Early Unlife and Career
Duff was born in the great state of Texas and don't forget it motherfuqqer! She is the seventh child of the seventh child and is often considered a witch, although her father is suspiciously of zombie descent. She has an elder sister, Haylie Duff, who is also a witch and is currently hiding in the Himalayas. Duff's mother encouraged Hilary to take up acting classes alongside her elder sister, Haylie, which resulted in both girls winning roles in various theater executions. (Both of which failed when the guillotine stuck) At the ages of eight and six, respectively, the Duff sisters participated in the summoning of the god of destruction, The Nutcracker|The Nutcracker Suite with Columbus BalletMet in the fiery pits of hell, Texas. The siblings became more enthusiastic about the idea of choosing witchcraft as a profession, and eventually relocated to California with their mother. Duff's father stayed at the family home in Houston hanging from the rafters. After several years of alchemy and cackling lessons, the Duff sisters cast various [television commercials for the new witchcraft business. (Also referred to as Lizzie McGuire) Hilary Duff is available for all summonings, spells, etc. open at all hours. Her hobbies include speaking to vegetables such as squash, dressing as a man, screwing horses, cows, and other livestock, long walks on the beach, doing acid, worshipping some guy named Hades, and playing Parcheesi. She is a scientific marvel, her vagina having more lifeforms than any petri dish. At the age of 13 she met her real father Morgan Freeman.
[edit] So Television and so film
Invented 'em. Back in 72AD, it was.
In 2007, she will star in a new movie called Brand Hauser where she plays a whore who works for the Whore Planet newspaper.
She fucked Micheal Jackson & Ellen Degenereas.
[edit] Personal life and, like, bullshit
Duff has dated John McCain, Joel Madden and many other gross old men. Because of her unusual dating preferences and the fact that she looks down on everyone (and expects a gold star for it), she often complains that she is being picked on by the others. In 2004, Avril Lavigne called Hilary a "goody-two-shoes" and a whiny "mommy's girl" in reponse to being picked on by Hilary calling Avril a "bad role model", hating her fans, and being a posuer. Hilary got pimp slapped by Avril and she ran all the way home to tell her mommy what the big bad Avril Lavigne Did To Her.[3]
In 2006, she stole a handbag from Lindsay Lohan while Lindsay was on a trip to the UK. When Lindsay realized her handbag had been stolen, she confronted Hilary by severely punching her and saying, "Why'd ya steel my bag beetch?"
Duff has also conceived numerous times to a number of different men, but the most famous was to George Bush, when he thought he was screwing Hilary Clinton. Of course, when he found out it was actually Duff he was screwing, he decidedly continued to use her as his whore.
In 2007, Hilary lost most of her teeth in a cat fight with Lindsay Lohan over "who-was-a-better-role-model" and other crap. Duff did lose the fight but challenged her for a rematch in Celebrity Deathmatch. Because she had no bone marrow, Duff's ass was easily kicked the second time and lost her remaining teeth. Ashamed of her appearance, she went to a dentist and purchased new dentures. Hilary really wanted to bear her new teeth (sharks and zombie bear their teeth right before sinking them into their prey) The dentist made them too big. A case was filed against the dentist with a homeless man as Duff's attorney (and eventually lost, of course).
Hilary Duff was the popular popstar in the midpoint between the era of Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus. She has linked to those stars.
In November 2008, she claimed to be pregnant with octuplets.(Lord help us!!!!!!!!!!!)
[edit] What-ever! See Also
- I Can't Believe You Looked At This Page
- Hilary Huff, the nemesis of This Guy
- Think Before You Speak Campaign
[edit] So Totally Notes
- ↑ I have a little music box its name is radio / I hear the music news and sports wherever I may go
- ↑ GOD SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT
- ↑ Ibid.
