Hillary Clinton's Scandals
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Welcome to the top secret Wikileaks Hillary Clinton Deleted Email by (REDACTED) at (REDACTED) uploaded by (REACTED) to Uncyclopedia. Many people have committed suicide passing on this evidence by four, five, or six bullets to the back of their head, and other suicidal methods. We warn you that this is not for the weak, and if you are a weak person upset that Donald Trump won, you don't want to read this article.
edit Clinton Scandals
The Clinton Foundation has paid off many news media reporters and companies to not report on these or other scandals so that the public will never know the truth. This is just like what the Koch Brothers do for the Republicans. If anyone asks there are no scandals for Hillary Clinton, as we cannot confirm any evidence to the contrary!
edit Email Server
Hillary pleads ignorance of how computers work, as well as ignorance on how the secretary of state can and cannot do. She had a private email server and couldn't even tell that the "C" marking in email means classified. If anyone asks 50,000 of those emails were Yoga class emails, and 20,000 of them are from her husband Bill even if he doesn't use email, because he doesn't want to write something that might embarrass him later. We deleted all of the emails on the private server in her closet, using Bleachbit. The Russian Hackers stole the emails before we could fully wipe the server, and they are on Wikileaks. Memo to Hillary, blame Russian Hackers if she loses the 2016 election. The Youtube videos that got censored were stored on her private server in her closet deleted by Bleachbit and put on a hard drive that has scratches on it to make it even harder to recover from. Even Geeksquad can't recover it.
Rumors of The Clinton Foundation using pizza parlors like Chuck E Cheeses to lure children into private jets and taken to a small island with little to no laws, and then rich people pay to have sex with them. Ah no, there is no evidence to the contrary that this happened. Everyone that claimed to have evidence to the contrary has died of suicide before they could testify. Everyone Hillary doesn't like, ends up committing suicide anyway and nobody knows how it happens.
Hillary is accused of having insider trading knowledge about which stocks would pay off and which ones would not. It is just a coincidence that Hillary bought $10,000 worth of stocks that paid back $30M in just a few years. It is sort of like how you drink beer or soda in cans that you recycle for more money later, and the more you drink, the more money you earn trading in the cans.
edit Monica Lewinsky
If you can define what the meaning of "is" is, you can define what the meaning of "sexual relations" are, or else without any evidence to the contrary Bill did not have sexual relations with Monica or Hillary as sure as the sun sets in the East, and Rises in the West.
Was it a Youtube Video or was it a terrorist attack? Who cares? What does it matter anyway? At this point, what good would it do over whatever caused the deaths of our ambassador and staff? I mean like come on! We have to move on from this because it does not matter that Hillary told victim's relatives that it was an offensive Youtube video about Mohammud and not that it was a terrorist planned attack. I mean really it doesn't matter anymore, and at this time what does it matter? It doesn't matter that the boys on the other summer camp over the river are rich and all of the good looking girls will date them. It doesn't matter that they play sports better than us. It just doesn't matter!
edit We demand a recount!
Feminists, Social Justice Warriors, Liberals, Left-Wingers all complained on Twitter and Youtube to "F*cking fix this shit!" and demand a recount. So Jill Stein of the Green Party collected money from them to start a recount. We got to see Hillary Clinton lose for a second time in 2016 now. I know, I'm sad too, as if Hillary didn't win the election, I am out of a job campsigning for her and won't be appointed to the cabinet position I had hoped to be placed in.