Hide and Seek
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Hide and Seek is a popular sport played worldwide and is the national sport of Estonia. The sport was founded in 1803 by the Myles family in Bristol, England. The father of the family used to enjoy drinking when he came home from work and frequently used to get drunk and chase his six children around the home with a broken bottle.
To avoid the savage beatings of their father the children began to hide themselves around the house and thus the sport was born.
From quaint beginnings the sport grew to worldwide popularity. The first league was founded in England in 1866 and the first world championships held one year afterwards.
Fans packing into stadiums and players with multi-million pound contracts there's a growing concern that Hide and Seek has forgotten its simple roots. With that in mind the Classic Hide and Seek Association was founded in 1999 where participants get drunk and chase their children with bottles to recreate a simpler time.
edit Notable Players
- Jimmy Hoffa despite people claiming Osama Bin Laden is the World Record Holder, Jimmy Hoffa is the actual all time king of Hide and Seek. Jimmy began playing on July 30, 1975 and has managed to remain safely hidden despite the best efforts of police and federal agents all over the country. Attempts to find him in Giants Stadium were fruitless, as well as a recent effort to find him in Roseville, Michigan. It is possible Hoffa may well never be found and thus become the greatest player in the universe.
- Osama Bin Laden, record holder from October 2001 to May 2, 2011. A team of Navy Seals killed Osama Bin Laden after nearly a decade as Number 1 seed. Was posthumously given a trophy for services to the sport, as well as a Lifetime Achievers' Award. His record will stand until at least May 2017, when it may be surpassed by Madeleine McCann.
- [[WP:Malcolm Naden|Malcolm Naden], June 2005 - 22nd March 2012, 2,457 days hiding in the Aussie Bush - Malcolm's record attempt was cut short while trying to cook a steak. But special mention in hiding Bear Grylls style in the bush, his captors couldn't get him to a shower quicker enough.
- Anne Frank, record holder from 1942 until 1944.
- Humphrey Spooner, record holder with 6 World Championship Victories.
- Edgar Poolhart, inventor the the much used "look behind you strategy" which won him the 1988 German Championships.
- Carmen Sandiego, Wife of Waldo and Second Most Famous Female Hide and Seek Champion.
- Vladimir Smirmoff was killed during the 1964 Olympics representing his country at Hide and Seek. His head was clean severed from his shoulders in front of a live audience and broadcast live in several countries around the world. He died in hospital three days later.On a positive note Vladamir's death caused safety standards in the sport to be increased.
- Bigfoot is the current world champion, winning gold in both the 2008 and 2012 Olympics and regarded as one of the best players ever, despite never having officially signed up for any competition, surely because he had already started hiding.
- U.S Government Vs Roman Polanski was probably the match that bought Hide and Seek to the masses. Unlike in recent hide and seek competition, this was a match that was set up without FUKA recognition. And with good reason. Although officially deemed to be hiding, Polanski had been seen in many regions in the world, where the laws for Hide and Seek were to his favour, such as France and China, which recognises the right of the Hidden to be hidden in public, unlike in places such as the United Kingdom and Switzerland where the Seeker is the one who is given preferential treatment. On the 27th September 2009, whilst in Zurich, authorities, backed by the FUKA authortities, found Mr Polanski and took him into FUKA custody, on reason of himself doing some 22 infingements to the FUKA code, including having sex with a 90 year old, known to be sacreligious and forbidden under FUKA regulations. It is feared that one of the greatest Hide and Seek players in history, has probably played his last game.
- Madeleine McCann, Promoted from World No. 2 to World No. 1 on May 2, 2011, after the death of Osama Bin Laden. Has now gone four years unfound and is the current undisputed Junior Hide and Seek World Champion of the Universe, Madeleine has held the belt since May 2007.
- Shannon Matthews won the West Yorkshire Open of 2008, in Dewsbury - the idea of the open, was to stay hidden until a specific time and in a specific place. Shannon was able to do this without any assistance from the relevant authorities, however questions have been asked about the involvement of several members of her family over whether or not they assisted her during the competition. Her mother, Karen Matthews, was charged by the Hide and Seek authorities in West Yorkshire with attempting to infringe the competition by aiding and abetting Shannon during the competition. However, due to unprecedented support of Shannon from her community, she was allowed to keep her trophy.
edit Conspiracy Theories
It has been said that in the final days of World War II, where Hitler knew that he was a beaten man, that he was considering setting up a breakaway Hide and Seek league, as he felt that he needed to repent for his sins.
Another possible theory sprouts from the marriage of Waldo and Carmen Sandiago. There's a rumor that they have already had childrem but no one is able to find them. If confirmation of their existance is found, they could be crowned The Ultimate Hide and Seek Champions of the World.
Extreme Hide and Seek is the best variation of this beloved pastime. In recent years, the number of people playing Hide and Go Fuck Yourself has risen drastically. Hide and Go Fuck Yourself was originally demonstrated at the 1982 World Fair, and since then has become the favorite sport of the Union of Drunken Stepfathers. The end goal of the game can vary from meaningless tasks like "go bother your mother" to more extreme goals such as "drink the cleaning fluids from under the sink, but save some for your brother." This game is praised for its high level of challenge. More often than not, the Seekmaster General fails to find the Fugitives before the timer ends. Alcohol may increase one's ability to seek, although usually it just increases the strength of the Seekmaster General's backhand slaps.
- Until 1992 the game had a time limit of six hours. The only professional game ever to reach that time limit without a winner was the 1979 Finnish Championships Semi-Final in which the referee was legally blind and failed to find three players who'd disguised themselves as lampshades.