Heroes of might and magic

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Heroes of might and magic.

The term heroes comes from the word gyros - hence, the name. The female version of hero is heroine, a very addictive narcotic- hence, the name. This renowned game has gained a large fan following for its turn based strategies which grip to one's soul.

This highly addictive heroin, i.e. Heroes of Might and Magic, has been legalized in the make of an odd number - 5. Heroes of Might and Magic robs you of your money in exchange of a fabulous leisure activity. It comes "high"ly recommended.

Heroes of Might and Magic V

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Heroes of Might and Magic V.

The game


Oh no!! The happy bird is getting attack by the monster with horns. Come to thing about it, it looks a lot like that guy in The Simpsons.

It takes place on a turn based level, where you take your brightly coloured units and kill the other hero with them. The strategy itself is so complicated that 97% of the game is tutorial. This is extremely long time considering each level is about 6-8 months long (well hero months so about a few hours). Either way you're looking at a few years in your mother's basement.

This game is the equivalent of jumping on a bear, at first you're on top of the world, the next you've eaten by the AI that it's one step ahead of you. You see, our friends at Ubisoft decided it could do without an AI (Alternative Inbreeding) Instead they got their drugged up programmes to do their relatives and shove them in the game as your opponents. This takes out most off the fun from the game. But then again who needs fun, you're high anyway...

The races

So far you have 6 races:

  • Academy: A bunch of crazy people who live on floating island city in the middle of the desert and worship a 4 armed, 2 legged walking cat with the ability to wield multiple swords.

Featured Unit:Titans(they can launch a blast of electricity that can kill 999 units, watch out!)

  • Haven: A group of people who do not know how to spell heaven. This team dies off early on in the game due to their poor spelling abilities and their high addiction to heroine.

Featured Unit:Angel(very stupid at anti-rape attacks)

  • Inferno: Demons who were locked away from time...Same old, same old. Most of them look like simpsons rip-offs any way ( I bring your attention to the photo to your left ).

Featured Unit:Great Demon(armed with smash axes)

  • Sylvan: These are the elves who supply the heroine to the rest of the races. Just walking into the city makes you high. Come on, pixies and unicorns makes you wonder what the developers were smoking. And, like usual, walking trees, like I said before simpsons rip-off.

Featured Unit:Green Dragon


Ah, a floating city in the sky. I wonder what the mortality rates of people falling off are?

Dungeon: Simple, these are the rebel elves who got rejected and live underground plus; instead of heroine, they smoke marijauna.

Featured unit:Minotaur(awesome at raping)

Necropolis: A happy race teeming with life(!) hence the name necropolis which sounds a lot like motropolice. But that's not funny. This whole article is unfunny, you hack.note that the necropolis is very scary, too because it has zombies, vampires, and other things that has to do with Halloween but not witches. Featured Unit:Bone Dragon(pwns enemy by exploding)


The winner of the fight is determined on your pwning level. You can raise your pwning level by winning fights. At the start of the game your pwning level is zero so it is impossible to win a fight.

If somehow you hack the game and raise your pwning level you might win. But often then not the company will harass you for hacking the game, they might also sue depending on their mood.

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