Heroes of might and magic

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The term heroes comes from the word gyros - hence, the name. The female version of hero is heroine, a very addictive narcotic- hence, the name. This renowned game has gained a large fan following for its turn based strategies which grip to one's soul.

This highly addictive heroin, i.e. Heroes of Might and Magic, has been legalized in the make of an odd number - 5. Heroes of Might and Magic robs you of your money in exchange of a fabulous leisure activity. It comes "high"ly recommended.

edit Heroes of Might and Magic V

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Heroes of Might and Magic V.

edit The game

Heroes5

Oh no!! The happy bird is getting attack by the monster with horns. Come to thing about it, it looks a lot like that guy in The Simpsons.

It takes place on a turn based level, where you take your brightly coloured units and kill the other hero with them. The strategy itself is so complicated that 97% of the game is tutorial. This is extremely long time considering each level is about 6-8 months long (well hero months so about a few hours). Either way you're looking at a few years in your mother's basement.

This game is the equivalent of jumping on a bear, at first you're on top of the world, the next you've eaten by the AI that it's one step ahead of you. You see, our friends at Ubisoft decided it could do without an AI (Alternative Inbreeding) Instead they got their drugged up programmes to do their relatives and shove them in the game as your opponents. This takes out most off the fun from the game. But then again who needs fun, you're high anyway...

edit The races

So far you have 8 races (expansion packs added race number):

  • Academy: A bunch of crazy people who live on floating island city in the middle of the desert and worship a 4 armed, 2 legged walking cat (that is, the Rakhasha with the ability to wield multiple swords.

Featured Unit:Titans(they can launch a blast of electricity that can kill 999 units, watch out!)

  • Haven: Are a secret organisation posing as 'church' people however their main goal is to seduce children by whatever means necessary this includes: bludgeoning, the old ice cream truck trick, the ive got a trouser snake gag, the lets see where your ticklish scheme,the can we shower together because it saves money and it helps the environment plan(too many times ive fallen victim to this), strip hangman manouvre, strip wii tennis, the wanna smell like shirt its smells like candy (they've secretly dipped in chloroform) tactic, the shirts verse no shirts in a game of touch footy fiasco

Featured Unit:Angel(are the equivalent of cardinals apart of the secret society P.F.C.S.S(Priest For Children as Sex Slaves)and will attempt to lure children by means of candy)

  • Inferno: Demons who were locked away from time...Same old, same old. Most of them look like simpsons rip-offs any way ( I bring your attention to the photo to your left ).

Featured Unit:Great Demon(armed with smash axes)

  • Sylvan: These are the elves who live in trees and supply the heroine to the rest of the races. Just walking into the city makes you high. Come on, pixies and unicorns makes you wonder what the developers were smoking. And, like usual, walking trees, like I said before simpsons rip-off.

Featured Unit:Green Dragon- Got it's name by being the creature that can punch more cones that any other in the game and is addicted to pot and is often depicted in the game red eyed and oblivious to it's surroundings making it worthless and eats everything in the house kind of like your stoner flat mate

Heroes5city

Ah, a floating city in the sky. I wonder what the mortality rates of people falling off are?

Dungeon: Theses bad asses were once an elite group of cheese connoisseurs however an incident occurred one cheese party where troglodytes brought some LSD and Crack which resulted in a catastrophe. the troglodytes ended up dropping LSD on their eyes(reason why they're blind)and the rest of the creatures getting addicted to crack. Eventually their addiction became so bad they had to sell all of their material possessions and ended up in the slums of the underworld resulting in the minotaurs selling themselves as b-grade hookers;harpies becoming theiving junkies; scorpicores taking too many steriods resulting a permanent red skin pigmentation and constantly being horny(often will make the Troglodytes their bitch and make them perform oral pleasures).


Necropolis: A happy race teeming with life(!) hence the name necropolis which sounds a lot like motropolice. But that's not funny. This whole article is unfunny, you hack.note that the necropolis is very scary, too because it has tombstones, zombies, vampires, ghosts, litches, and other things that has to do with Halloween but not witches just because its for people in graveyards. Featured Unit:Bone Ghost Dragon(pwns enemy by exploding)Skeletons- will often dress up and attempt to solicit an unknowning person for anal sex and before the person is about to root the skeleton it ends up being their dead grandma who wanted to see if you were as good as you grandfather( yeah i went there)

Dwarf: People who live in underground castles. they are badass because they dont have feautured units.

Eastern people:strange n00bs, half man and half demon. same as above because they sucked.

edit Combat

The winner of the fight is determined on your pwning level. You can raise your pwning level by winning fights. At the start of the game your pwning level is zero so it is impossible to win a fight.

If somehow you hack the game and raise your pwning level you might win. But often then not the company will harass you for hacking the game, they might also sue depending on their mood.

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