Herodotus
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[edit] History of a Historian (and other tasteless titles)
Herodotus (pronounced Hero-dote-us) was a historian back in "them days". He is often referred to as the Father of Modern History- due mostly to the large number of children he begat.
Though his works tell us so much about life throughout the ancient Mediterranean, little is known about the man himself. Eminent historians Professor. S. Preston, and Dr.T.T. Logan have described his appearance as that of a "short dead dude". He may also have spent some years hitchhiking through Turkey with Bill Bryson. Herodotus' brother Theosaurus is also known for his great works.
Herodotus started the Persian Wars by insulting Darius' singing and calling him a big girl for wearing a skirt (which Darius still insisted was a kilt). He also deeply angered the Greeks, mocking them for losing their marbles.
His greatest and best known work was The Life of Brad Pitt recently renamed and made into the epic film Troy.
Some of Herodotus' work has been thrown into doubt by modern knowledge and archaeology. The two headed giants that live north of the Russian Steppes do not in fact have purple hair, as is now common knowledge
One could say that Herodotus led a Spartan existence; however, the rumours about young boys have never been proved.
Some of the inaccuracies in Herodotus' work have been put down to a period of long drinking on the Island of Kos and a misunderstanding leading to an unfortunate incident with residents on the isle of Lesbos. This was, however, sorted out by their tribal leader, and Princess, Xena. He also had a dog. It's name was Whorodotus.
An original movie script, entitled Increasing Tensions in the East and What We Intend to Do About It, has been found in ancient caves, far to the north of the Corinthian Isthmus. It has been rumoured that the script was part of a long standing campaign to convince the Greeks to unite and make heaven on earth once more, although such quotes from the script as "on the third day, the Spartans were taken from behind" has lead to the belief that the rumours about the young boys were true, and that the festival of Artemis Orthia really was just a vacation spot, of which the historian was a Patron.
However, a child of Herodotus, Thucydides, has written a more complete sequel, which upon its arrival in Hollywood was immediately made into a smash hit blockbuster, due to it quite literally having everything - from plague, to war to embarrassing and unforeseeable plot twists. For more information on this sequel please see The History of the Peloponnesian War.
[edit] Famous Quotes Relating to Herodotus
“He's Greek so he must be gay”
~ Oscar Wilde on Herodotus
“The history is more important than the outcome”
~ Winston Churchill on Herodotus
“Her-Odour-to-us was not actually a person but a secret message from the ancients”
~ Dan Brown on Herodotus
“Herodotus doesn't care about black people.”
~ Kanye West on Herodotus
