“Huh? What's this? We miss something?”
Hentai is a genre of anime that is very popular in its native Japan, as well as every other country with Internet access. A typical hentai involves one or more tastefully-presented characters engaging in various tentacle-related acts.
Hentai is, to put it bluntly, pornography of anime characters. Rule 34 guarantees that every anime ever made has at least one piece of hentai on the Internet. While watching hentai is considered abnormal by some, for others it is a vital part of their daily routine.
During the 16th century AD, Japanese warlord Toyotahonda Mitsubishi launched an massive invasion to conquer Korea. When the initial military invasion faltered, Mitsubishi began to search for alternative methods to subdue his foes. To this end, the warlord employed a number of Japanese artists to create an early form of psychological warfare that could be used against the Koreans.
Near the end of the war, the artists succeeded created an early form of tentacle porn that is now known as Hentai. However, when the first shipment of Hentai paintings reached the Korean Peninsula in 1598, the Korean soldiers barely noticed the crude drawings. As it turns out, the Korean army had been suffering from a debilitating toilet paper shortage. Realizing that the Japanese had just sent them thousands of pieces of paper, the Koreans quickly began to use the tentacle-filled pictures to wipe themselves. This is how the popularly used name "Hentai" was coined. In Korean, the literal translation of "Hen-Tai" is "toilet paper".
After the dismal failure of his Korean campaign, Mitsubishi was more broke than a college graduate. Left with tens of thousands of useless pieces of anime pornography and desperate for money to buy real pornography, Mitsubishi began to sell off the remaining works to Japanese peasants. However, with nothing better to do on their tiny island, it did not take long for Hentai quickly became popular along the peasantry. Despite later push-back and bans from the Japanese government, Hentai steadily spread out across Japan like an incurable pervy plague.
Today, the Hentai plague continues to seep out of Japan across the world, mostly thanks to the Internet. From approximately 1997 to 2007, at the height of the Toonami-fueled anime craze, hentai could only be found in the darkest corners of the Internet, and at best it usually existed a blurry pixelated form. However, since then, the popularity of this basement-dweller pastime has skyrocketed and is currently growing faster than the US National Debt. In fact, the global hentai market has grown so dramatically that professional "artists" often provide hentai to consumers under the condition of monthly payments.
The style of hentai is easily recognized either by its colors, lack of a plot, or the look on your face when you watch it. The seizure-inducing colors make it appropriate for children in Japan, and the pleasant sight of inhumane tentacle rape provides a slice of action to spice the program up for older viewers. Hentai programs are well known for involving a biologically accurate, if not generous, portrayal of the human body. Usually, hentai animes feature innocent-looking girls who happen to be virgins. Conveniently, these girls seem to be unsuspecting, yet somewhat willing, when they are suddenly subjected to copious amounts surprise sex.
Typically, this torrent of sexual energy descends upon them in the form of tentacled creatures or a group of well-endowed gentlemen. Usually the guys involved are characters from the actual anime on which the hentai is based. However, in their Hentai form, these guys have become ultra-creepy and suffer from an unshakable addiction to Viagra. We strongly urge you to look for these features before allowing your children to watch cartoons from Japan. Otherwise, you are going to end up having a really awkward conversation with your kids about what the octopus was just doing to that poor lady.
Recreational Hentai watching has become a common part of daily Japanese life and its viewer base of nerdy high-school virgins across the world numbers in the millions. However, some viewers suffer from hentai addiction as a result of an extreme Poontang deficiency within the human body. This condition can exact a heavy physical, psychological and emotional toll upon its victims. Hentai exists for nearly every subject, even the rape of Nanking is being developed as a first person shooter/hentai game to educate school children on the event their history textbooks neglect.
Many activist groups, including PETA vehemently object to Hentai because of its cruelty to animals/humans. Each year, hundreds of animated squids and octopuses are abducted for the purposes of online anime sex trafficking. One virgin is needed for every tentacle, meaning that thousands of anime girls are subjected to a thorough tentacle-frisking every year. Unfortunately, this means that finding animated Japanese virgins is becoming harder and harder every year. Charities involved in animal rights ask for donations. However, they keep bugging you until you don't have any more money, whereas the animals themselves merely keep begging until you run out of food.