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edit Helmsdale

Helmsdale Old Uncyclopedia Headline

Photograph Of Helmsdale Dated From 2004, Taken By A Local Artist

helmsdale is a small village on the Morray firth which has the population of 17 people and 25 during the Summer and WInter months.. The Inhabitants of this small yet not so remote village are a species of sub-human Known only as "Nomos" or rarely "Oannes" These species are mixture of human (Probably vikings) and Salmon, Both of which can be found in the river which runs through the village.

edit History

Helmsdale has a rich and detailed history which can be dated back to circa '1998' since the birth of their god "Alex Salmond" of which is religiosly followed by the Curators of timespan. These curiators have been known for there work with the "people" of helmsdale and have been regarded as "The Jane Goodall of sutherland" they also been nominated for the nobel prize of "Most Fabulously Dressed".

The village was first founded when "The Lord Queen Thatcher" Battled with the Helmies god "Alexander Salmon" Where Alex won claiming the land and bragging right's to helmsdale. This (Accourding to locals) Is where Helmsdale get's it's name, It is said that Helmsdale means "Valley of War" In Gaelic Or Ancient Norse (Fish language). After this great battle Helmsdales first building was built, It was called La Mirage meaning "We Killed Your Cousin's" where Merchants would gather to sell there goods and services to others and since then the residents have been building and expanding there ever so small village.

It's unknown what Helmsdale was like before 1998 but some of the village prophet's believe it was rented to pirates by the Lord Queen Thatcher as a means of hiding their "Booty" and following "The Great Spaggeti Monster" as they were all devout Pastafarians and money grabbing "Jews". The Change of land due to the "Battle of The River From 1985 - 1998" was a big shock to the former inhabitant's of the land and to expell the "The Dark Lords" Presence, They were driven out by the Fish People of Helmsdale to the far away land of brora, Where they stopped following Pastafarianism and joined a Babie eating cult and were forced to live in skips, These refugee's decendant's can still be found today in the outland known as "Brora" if one would even dare to meet them.

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