Helium

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Pot smoking chipmunk

Marijuana induces some chipmunks to perform "voice-over" roles in Hollywood cartoons.

Helium is a chemical element with symbol He and lucky number 2. It is a colorless, odorless, non-toxic, inert, monatomic gas with a tasteless sense of humor that heads the noble gas group in the periodic table. Its boiling and melting points are the lowest among the elements and it exists only as a gas, except in extreme conditions, in which helium can take on superfluid, liquid, and solid states and can even imitate Tom Cruise.

edit Important uses

The primary use for helium is to make one's voice sound high and squeaky. Alvin and the Chipmunks was a vaudeville act based on methodical huffing of the substance.

Combed Doughnut

A doughnut made of helium might look like this on the molecular level.

Studies have yet to confirm whether actual chipmunks produce helium on their own, or if they absorb it from the air. If chipmunks do indeed produce helium, the industrial implications could be profane. It would mean that children at birthday parties would no longer have to deal with "canned" helium, but could simply capture several of the small mammals.

Helium also has a major role in the medical industry. Doctors often amuse patients by mixing helium into the aspirator just before reviving the patient from anesthesia. However, as the saying goes, "If you can't helium or curium, then you have to barium."

edit Compounds

Helium has a valence of zero and is unreactive under normal conditions. It is an insulator unless unionized, at which time it becomes an agitator. For this reason, during marriage counseling, it is sometimes helpful to fill the room with helium and for the counselor to leave for a bit.

Another compound, He2 is more commonly known as HeHe.

Bloink1 solid
This article needs to be expanded.
This article is a stub. The article submitter may also have been snorting crack. You can help Uncyclopedia by expanding it.
Personal tools
projects