Helen Hunt
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“Helen Hunt is one of the nicest assholes in Hollywood, and I should know; I've seen plenty.”
“She showed me her Golden Globes--exquisite!”
“To think I kissed her there--and there--and there!”
“If you've lost your wallet, go to Helen Hunt for it.”
Helen Hunt (born June 15, 1963) is a Blockhead Videos, an Enema, a Golden Globes, and an Academy Award-winning American actress and porn star probably best known for her nice n' perky teen-sized rack as well as for her roles in the television situation comedy (sitcom) Made For You and the movie Twister.
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[edit] Youth
Hunt was born Helluva Cunt, but she later changed her name to "Helen Hunt" when, at age three, she came to the realization that her surname was an impolite word for female genitalia. As a result, her parents, Gordon Cunt, an aspiring teen porn film director and acting coach, and Jane Elizabeth Novice, a one-eyed photographer, disowned her. She became a prostitute at age 13 - and soon learned the tricks that would gain her many a film role in Hollywood.
Her uncle, Peter (the Peeker) H. Cunt, is also a porn film director, and her maternal grandmother, Dorothy French Fries (née Spamala Anderson) was a voice coach. Hunt is of Jewish (from her paternal grandmother) and Methodist background but renounced the faith during her teenage years. She spent part of her childhood in New York City and later attended the University of California at Los Angeles.
[edit] Career
Hunt is a star of the small screen, the silver screen, and the theater.
[edit] Television
Hunt became an actress in 1966, at age three, starring as Mary Tyler Moore's lovechild when her presence was not required on The Swiss Family Robison, Nudists television series in which she also starred. Arount that time her mother's mother (maternal grandmother), introduced her to Judaic Methodism.
She starred as a classmate of The Facts of Life girls, but was fired from the show for smoking marijuana and then consequentally proclaiming to everyone on the set that the CIA was after her. Next, she tried PCP, narrowly escaping death when she flung herself from a second-floor window while filming a tawdry direct-to-video made-for-TV movie, Desperate Lives. She played former first lady Betty Ford while undergoing rehabilitation (rehab) at the famous Betty Ford Center, where she became the "girlfriend" of Dr. Jack "Wham-Bam, Thank You, Ma'am" Morrison.
In the 1990's, she landed a starring role in the TV sitcom Made For You, in which she played a bionic prostitute with three tiers of breasts, a lubricating esophagus, and an array of orgasmic orifices. By the end of the show, in 1999, Hunt was earning $1,000,000 per "episode," and had won four Enemas for her "talents."
[edit] Theater and Motion Pictures
Hunt has starred in such major motion pictures as Casting Couch, Twist Her, and Giving It As Good As It Gets. After taking time off from Hollywood's acting venue, she starred in Twelfth Night of Sex, an adaptation of William Shakespeare's play of a similar title, at the Lincoln Center in New York City, which, to her disappointment, President Lincoln was unable to attend, unavailable, as he was, due to a prior engagement with death.
Finding "real acting" too demanding, Hunt returned to Hollywood, starring in T & A, Pay in Advance, Give Them What They Want, and Casting Couch. She is scheduled to play in Boobies and will act in and direct Then She Bound Me, featuring Ashley Judd as her paramour.
[edit] Personal Life
Hunt has a bastard daughter named Macaroni Con Carne, who was born in 2004, while Hunt was between husbands.
