Heath Ledger

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“Why so dead?”
~ The Joker on Heath Ledger
“Do you know what the difference is between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger Jokes? Heath Ledger Jokes get old. ”
~ Christian Bale on Heath Ledger
HeathLedger1

Ledger, pre-drug addictions.

Bouncywikilogo2
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Heath Ledger.

Sir Heath "Bar" Andrew "The Joker" "The Gay Cowboy Scrawls His Name In A" Ledger, Esq. was born in the year 1979, which is ironically the same year the Iranian hostage crisis began, but chances are the two events were unrelated. Ledger died on January 22nd, 2008, which is ironically the same day that co-star in the Dark Knight, Christian Bale was arrested on 2 counts of 3rd degree murder, but chances are the two events were unrelated. During the time between the two dates, Ledger managed to accomplish more in the name of Australia, then Australia did throughout the whole 19th century. This isn't saying much since Australia has not accomplished anything. Ever.

Ledger was considered one of the greatest pill-addicts that the continent of Australia has ever seen, and was forever immortalized for it (spiritually, it is a bit late to physically immortalize him what with the dying and all. It kind of defeats the purpose of being immortal.) He is also noted as the best portrayal of a gay cowboy that the world has ever seen, bringing much loathing to them from the former holders of that title, the United Kingdom.

Ledger's life has been separated into 3 sections, according to many media outlets. There was the "No one cares about you" time period, which included the time between when he was born to roughly when he turned 24, when Brokeback Mountain was released, which then leads to the "International Gay Cowboy" time period, which lasted for 2 and a half years, until July 2008, when the The Dark Knight was released, which has been referred to as the "Settling down" time period, which should last until genetic cloning is mastered.

edit Birth through Brokeback Mountain

Heath Ledger was born on April 4th, 1979, in Australia to a very large family of him, a pineapple, and his two parents, who did not love him as much as he wanted, forcing him to move to America at a very young age. Once in America, Ledger was brought to a foster home and was adopted by a very nice Australian couple who brought him back to his home in Australia, where they taught him all he needed to know about acting.

Many years passed and Ledger had become a wonderful actor, starring in plays, musicals, and all that he could do, he did, but he wasn't able to get a real career in movie acting, which was all he ever wanted. A short while later, Ledger found himself bankrupt, and out on the street, because his acting career at the time did not pay the bills, and his foster parents turned him out on the streets.

Roaming the streets, Ledger would do street corner comedy and talent to earn money, but his comedy was so bad that people would pay him to shut up. After making some money, Ledger frequented a local comedy club, where owners mistook his shoddy look and smell to mean that he was funny, and thus, was payed much more for his routines, than what he would have been paid on the street corners, despite the hatred shown for him from the crowds. "Whatever brought in income" Ledger was quoted as saying after his career took off when asked about these routines.

edit Brokeback Mountain

Although Ledger made movies long before Brokeback Mountain, they all paled in comparison. In 2005, Ledger's career began to take off with the production of Brokeback Mountain. It was by far his greatest movie that he was ever in. No body actually knows what he did in the film, or what the film was even about, but something about playing a gay cowboy just screamed "Give me tons of award nominations."

In the movie, Ledger played a gay cowboy, who apparently had a sexual relationship with another gay cowboy. That is not exactly the kind of thing that most men would be interested in seeing, which made the awards it won even better, seeing as 97% of the people that saw is were women,[1] who when asked about the movie, gave generally rave reviews.

Filming of the movie took place during the summer of 2005, and was Ledger's first take at a real role. No more supporting characters for him, he is now a main character. Ledger described the time he had on the set of Brokeback Mountain as "Informative," and "a real eye-opener". Ledger made many life-time friends on the set of the movie, which he kept in contact for over the next few years, and attempted to work with on other projects. Some never made it to the other projects, including a love interest of his; Cheryl the horse from the movie who met an untimely end.

Gaycowboyheath

Ledger seen in a rare photo with his one true love.

edit Experiments with Homosexuality

While on the set of Brokeback Mountain Ledger's job almost required him to be gay. To combat the almost-inevitable gayness that would ensue during the filming of the movie, Ledger got himself a "domestic partner," or a "not-quite wife because I am not sure about my sexuality yet," in hopes that it would keep him on the straight side of the spectrum.

Despite his tries, he was bound to look to the homosexual side of the spectrum during the filming of this movie. Ledger experimented with his co-star, Jake Gyllenhaal in the ways of male-on-male sexual intercourse, and found it to be not quite as pleasing as Jake Gyllenhaal found it, and resorted to other pleasing things while on the set.

Ledger's character, Ennis del Mar, apparently had a horse, which he loved very much (very, VERY much). Ledger found the horse very attractive, and begun having a side affair with the horse, behind the back of his "domestic partner," Michelle Williams, and his co-star, Gyllenhaal. Ledger held the affair under his hat for the duration of the filming of the movie and up until the release of the movie into theaters, and then promptly cut the ties he had with the horse, breaking its heart in a large way.

edit Red Carpet Controversy

On the night of the release of Brokeback Mountain, some fans thought that it would be quite hilarious if they dressed up as cowboys wearing distinct gay pride emblems, on their outfits, and attempted to rape the two stars of Brokeback Mountain, Ledger and co-star Jake Gyllenhaal. The commotion caused by this prank forced the premiere of the movie to be pushed off a day. Moviegoers were immensely angry at the decision and the two pranksters, for pushing off the release of the biggest gay cowboy movie of the 21st century, but willingly waited the day to see the movie.

The ringleaders of the charade, George Filmore, and Johnathan Gilcrest, were incarcerated without having done too much emotional or physical damage to the stars, and were later sued by Ledger and Gyllenhaal. The two stars won the case and a got a cash settlement of $100,000 each. Filmore and Gilcrest were required to give a formal apology to Ledger and Gyllenhaal, and announce that neither of the actors are real gay cowboys[2].

edit Post-Brokeback Mountain, Pre-Dark Knight

Following the massive success of Brokeback Mountain, Ledger was so well off that he retired to his four story mansion in Australia with his domestic partner. All was well for the first few weeks of his life in Australia, until news reached him that his horse that he had a love affair with during the filming of Brokeback Mountain had committed suicide, from depression of the heart-shattering break-up.

A very distraught Ledger caught the first flight that he could get out of Australia to central Canada, where the horse had stayed since completion of the filming session, under the guidance of its owner. "Never was the same after the filmin' and we couldn't figure out what was wrong with him." Said the owner to a reporter at the funeral. Ledger took the death of his ex-lover very hard, and flew back to Australia after the funeral without his domestic partner, and left her to figure out her own way home. Ledger locked himself in his home for several weeks after the death, with no contact with the outside world, until late February, where Ledger was asked to star in another one of his movies that pale in comparison to Brokeback Mountain, in which he slowly began getting help for his depression, in order to play the role.

Ledger began one other project in 2007, where he played a wannabe singer, who ultimately ended up dying, and having a movie made about him, however no one really knows what the story behind the movie was about, much like Brokeback Mountain, however not as impressive, and once again, pales in comparison to it. After the completion of that movie, Ledger retired to his Australian mansion once again, in hopes of finally being able to be alone, away from the crazy Hollywood world that he had become intertwined in.

Heathbars

Special limited edition "The Dark Knight" Heath bars, which never made it into stores.

edit Contract with Hersheys

In May 2006, Hersheys confronted Ledger about a new candy bar they had been working on since the day that Brokeback Mountain was released. The Heath Bar[3] was set to have an image of Ledger on the wrapper, but due to unforeseen complications, it was unable to be added, and thus they stuck with the current image.

Ledger immediately accepted the contract and production of the bars began. The contents of the bar included milk chocolate (in some cases, rare dark chocolate), and English toffee, much like the Heath bar, and rumors circulated for a while in late 2006 that small traces of Ledger's blood in the bars. In December 2006, Hersheys, and Ledger came together, and denounced the accusations, despite the scientific evidence that there was blood in the bars, and several women announcing they had several STD's.

In December 2007, Hersheys began creating the Ledger/Joker wrappers, which depicted Heath Ledger on one side, and The Joker on the other side, with the Heath Bar logo in the center. The special edition candy bar was set to be released in April of 2008, but due to even more unforeseen complications occurring in late January[4], the wrapper idea was scrapped, as well as the entire bar being taken off of shelves for 4 months, to return in May.

HeathJoker

Ledger, post-drug addictions.

edit Drug Addictions

During the downtime just before filming The Dark Knight, Ledger's manager suggested that he take up doing various drugs, in order to make his character in the movie much more believable. Ledger began small. He smoked pot and did some cocaine, but according to his manager, his favorite drugs, by far were the Oxycodone pills. It didn't matter what kind they were or what they did to his poor soul, he would take them.

Ledger at one point was so into his drugs that he adopted the catchphrase "Why so serious?" which he used on many occasions. Supposedly it meant that the person should "chill-out" or calm down. The catchphrase was very enjoyable to Christopher Nolan, who had acquired Ledger for the role of The Joker in The Dark Knight, and thus, became a staple in the posters for the movie.

Ledger became pretty screwed up while on the drugs, completely changing his look to go along with his new attitude. His hair was said to always be a greasy, slicked back, yellowish color, and always wore the white face-paint, and the red lipstick, giving him an eerie look, accompanied by his tattered green vest, and purple coat, he looked down-right insane. Christopher Nolan, who had recently cast Ledger to play the Joker in The Dark Knight was fully down with the new look, and thought it suited the character Ledger was to be playing very well. Nolan had his costume crew base the Joker's look on how Ledger had looked after becoming addicted to drugs, and added a few minor details, including a Glasgow smile, and black smeared eyeliner. Now Ledger was ready for his role.

edit The Dark Knight

Now heavily into his addictions, and with his costume all worked out, Ledger began playing the role of The Joker. Filming for the movie began in the summer of 2007, and ended in the winter of 2007, during which they took all of Ledger's drugs from him to make him go through withdrawal, to make his character even more believable. Ledger complied with the rules set down by his manager, and Christopher Nolan, in how and when he will be allowed his drugs back.

Batman-and-joker

Ledger was under the impression that The Dark Knight would be a movie that followed en suite with Brokeback Mountain for the longest time.

Ledger made the greatest effort to get the movie done as quickly as possible to get his beloved Oxycodone pills back, but it is not so easy to rush through a two and a half hour masterpiece. Because of the rushing, Ledger made his character even more realistic, and gave off his greatest performance, even better than the gay cowboy that had made his career a success 2 years prior to this, as The Joker.

The 5 month period of filming couldn't end quick enough for Ledger, for in as little as a minute after the final scene had been shot, Ledger was back on his pills which he missed so very much. Ledger did not even put the pills down during the whole trip from Chicago all the way back to Australia, and when he got home, kicked his domestic partner out on the street, and began stocking his house full of pills.

edit Post-Dark Knight and Beyond

Ledger spent all of December cooped up in his home, just doing pills, and nothing else. Michelle Williams, having recently been tossed into the streets by Ledger, sought refuge in America. She lived in California, where her first born child was born, without Ledger's knowledge. She named the girl "Matilda", which would be funny if it wasn't true. Williams' parents took Ms. Joker into their New York home, where she finally contacted Ledger about the child in early January, 2008. Ledger seemed to take the news and wipe it off his shoulder with a little help from his beloved pills. Nonetheless Ledger flew out to New York, on a private jet, which he stockpiled with pills.

Ledger spent two weeks with his ex-domestic partner, and lived in a local New York apartment, where he stuffed all his drugs. Ledger began to know his child through the stupor that the drugs put him in, despite the crying and screams of fear coming from the child and Michelle Williams' parents at the sight of the baby's father. After one very annoying night, where the father-in-law would not stop yelling at Ledger, Ledger returned to his apartment at roughly 2:30 AM, and began the longest pill trip of his life. Ledger went 11 hours of non-stop pill-popping up until approximately 1:30 to 2:00 PM, January 22, where he passed out cold on his bed.

At around 2:30 PM that same day, a local Ledger fan, and wannabe gay cowboy, Charles Sunderlane, broke into Ledger's apartment in hopes of stealing some of Ledger's much sought after DNA, found Ledger unconscious, so took the time to do what every gay Ledger fan's dream of doing, violate the body of Ledger. After an hour or so, Sunderlane alerted 911 that something may be wrong with Ledger[5].

At roughly 3:30 doctors announced that Ledger was dead, and it was not a suicide, it was a simple accidental over-dose on a pain medication[6]. Crowds gathered around his apartment in hopes of tearing off a patch of his hair, or a clipping of his finger nail, or maybe even get one last attempt at raping him, before he was gone. Many tried, but none where able to accomplish this feat. Ledger's body was brought back to Australia, where it was buried in the Australian heroes section, which was just completed for this burial. The funeral was one that not many people knew about and not many people were invited to, and the guest list had all of 15 people on it.[7]

Nowadays Ledger spends most of his time in his grave, located somewhere on the continent of Australia. It has become a very popular tourist spot, however if you get too close to the grave, the kangaroo and koala guards have been given permission to shoot you without hesitation.

edit Notes

  1. The other 3% consisted of 1.9997% gay men, 1% was men brought by their wives, and .0003% were straight men who saw it with their own free will.
  2. Although Gyllenhaal exhibits many symptoms of being just gay in general
  3. Not to be confused with the Heath bar created in 1913, which has a lowercase "b" in "bar".
  4. Shhhh... I don't want to spoil the surprise ending...
  5. Without taking into account that he just may have been sleeping
  6. asterisk
  7. Among the 15 included Ledger's parents, and child, but not Michelle Williams, and several celebrities to ease the pain, including Chuck Norris, and John Stewart, who hosted the funeral.

edit See Also

Personal tools
In other languages
projects