Headshots for America Act of 1645
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“I ain't gonna let these goddamn vampires beat me.”
“If you ask me, I find the brains a most tender and scrumptious part of the human.”
“In Soviet Russia, head shoots you!”
The Headshots for America act was first requested in the fall of 1644 as more and more zombies began illegally crossing the boarders of heaven and hell back onto earth. At first the zombies appeared to want nothing more than to recommunicate with their loved ones, however, several renegade crossovers had a different taste, a taste for brains. In less than a few weeks zombie friends became zombie enemies who quickly turned many towns into abandoned wastelands as they changed the living into zombie hybrids. Fueled by rage, and vegetable oil, the zombies began attacking major cities, schools and frequented old folks homes. The government had had enough.
edit Headshots for America act of 1645
On June 27, 1645, the Headshots for America act was finalized and passed. In the weeks following, almost three hundred zombies will have been killed or mortally wounded, 150 of which were caused by the usually overproductive Dick Cheney. The zombies did what they could to fight back, moaning, stumbling, biting, but nohing seemed to work to their advantage until several hundred years later. Two future events will innevitably turn the tides for the zombie-human struggle and pave the way for acceptance.
edit No More Room in Hell Act
Several years after the admission of the HA act, congress finally gave into the pressures of the Free the Zombie coalition as well as pro-zombie lobyists and passed the No More Room In Hell Act on November 11, 1662. This act itself granted most natural US rights to the new zombie citizens and stated that any zombie turned or risen in the United States is automatically a US citizen. It wasnt long before zombies began campeigning for voting rights and attending schools that taught history and sciences. This new act effectively repealed the Headshots for America act and made it illegal to kill a zombie without just cause. Needless to say, Cheney was pissed. For More information on the No More Room in Hell Act please refer to the hyperlink above.
edit Zombies in the World Wars
It was only a few hundred years afterword the zombies began being drafted in the military. Most notable was their participation in the second World War.
“Yeah I remember that. It was all going fine and dandy until the Nazis started using zombies. They were a slow moving bunch, but their sheer numbers and inability to feel pain quickly overwhealmed us. Rotten sonsabitches.”
It wasn't only the US who had trouble with the growing population of zombies, but countries all over the world. After the WWII was finished and Hitler was sentenced to having a pineapple shoved up his ass every friday at three, the UN quickly re-established use of the Headshots for America Act in August of 1985. This new bill allowed for killing of any and all illegal zombies and required lisences to practice zombification for all citizens of their respective countries, limiting each lisenced zombie to three humans per year and only one hundred lisences per country. Cheney once again could smile.
edit The Aftermath
There are currently only a few hundred zombies living legally in the US and other nations. Several factions have continuousely been set out to explore zombie ghettos in search of illegally risen or crossed over zombies. por-zombie lobyists have all been hunted down as well, however some of te smarter zombies have petitioned for working rights other than freeway corpse removal. Most other zombies refuse to complain, or are unable to.
edit See Also
- Stanford University Encyclopedia of Philosophy entry on Zombies
- Panic on the Streets of Birmingham, a record of zombie integration