Hashish

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Map of countries which import hashish. (Grey countries are hashish importers)

Hashish, or #ish is a brown or black, hard, sweet-smelling substance, comparable to black smegma. When burnt, the smoke when inhaled produces a stimulating effect similar to that of kitten huffing, opium, listening to Fascist music and standing up too quickly after sitting for a long time sniffing penis glue. It is enjoyed primarily by people from Afghanistan, Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Stan himself, and the Welsh. Bill Clinton is said to have smoked dick and hashish, although he didn't swallow either time. Penis, penis, penis.

[edit] How to make Hasish

There are several methods for making hashish. The one used by farmers in Stan is that of running through fields of cannabis, followed by fields of soap, oil, turpentine, shit and kittens. They are then scraped for the resinous substance with which they become coated. This type of hash is often referred to, not offensively, as 'paki black', because it smells of Pakis. Another method involves finding a man with a square rectum, although this has never been achieved. While making hasish (a complicated process, no doubt), some accidents of history led the ancient Indians to discover Soma and the Iranians to discover Haoma. Beyond these difficult methods, does lie a simple way of making hashish. This often requires the use of two stools, one large rubber fist, and three mexican pig farmers. While the process is complicated, often results are remarkably more efficient. YODELAYHIWHO!

The main effect of hashish is imediate enlightenment.

[edit] Hashish use worldwide

Hashish export constitutes 105% of the gross domestic product of the 'Stan countries'. Clearly this is impossible, but it is likely that the people responsible for this statistic are either dumb or were high on kittens or hashish. Although the disease of hashish use was wiped out at about the same time as smallpox and the American Indian race, before the United States was discovered by the west, the influence of the substance prevails in American culture. Often an American when met with a negative situation will say 'Sheesh!'. This comes from a Welsh tradition where if a man is not having his way, he says 'Hasheesh!' so that somebody will bring him some of it, and so he can carry on with his day as if it were actually going well.