From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The Harridans came to America to escape prosecution in England. At that time there was only one church allowed in England, the Angelican Church. The Harridans thought that more churches should be allowed, because the Angelican church was too crowded.
Especially on Sundays.
Coming To America
In 1620 the Harridans sailed to America in a ship called the Mayflower but they ran into Plymouth Rock. Later they named their town Plymouth to warn people about this dangerous rock. At first the Harridans starved to death because an Indian named Squanto put dead fish on their corn. That was the first Thanksgiving. Then the Indians felt bad and brought the Harridans gifts, so the Harridans ate them. That was the first Christmas.
Early Dayswitch. Arthur Miller wrote The Crucible about witch-ducking but that didn't help either.
Down in Virginia Sir Phillip Morris invented tobacco, but in Plymouth the colons used tea instead. All the tea was in China, and to get it the Harridans had to teabag the British because the British controlled the tea roots. This must have confused the Chinese, since they owned the rest of the tea plants. But the British navel strength meant they ruled the seize.
Harridans Get Reinforced
In 1623 some more people sailed to the New World to become colons. They came on Anne and Little James. History does not tell us how Anne and James liked that, but it almost doubled the Harridans' size. William Bradford was an especially big man among the Harridans. Maybe he quadrupled in size. But history does not tell us that either.
Miles Standish was a famous Harridan who stood for things. He had seven children and got courted when Priscilla married John Alden instead. Arthur Miller wrote The Courtship of Miles Standish to get him off the charge. It was a good thing for Standish that the Harridans did not believe in prosecution.
However, many of the important Harridan men had lots of children. History tells us they labored hard. William Bradford had four children, and when his third child came out he shouted "Mercy!" so that was her name. When his next one came out he shouted "Oh shit!" but they named the baby Joseph instead.
Bradford started out as a weaver in Amsterdam, and after coming to Plymouth he kept on weaving and took up ducking as well. His wives got hold of him anyways.
Influence of the Harridans
Today the Harridans don't have much influence as they are all Dead.