Hans Brinker

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Hans Brinker is the most famous Dutchman who has ever existed. He is regarded in the Netherlands as the main national hero, by far surpassing the fame of other heroes like Piet Hein and Jan Peter Balkenende.

edit Heroic Deeds

The greatest heroic deed of Hans Brinker was when he stuck his finger in the dyke near Maastricht, thus preventing the water of the sea to flood the whole country and rescuing millions of Dutchmen. While doing this, he had to resist angry American tourists who accused him of making obscene gestures in their presence. For his political ambitions, Hans Brinker decided to use the pseudonym Elco Brinkman. Being a national hero, it was easy to get ministerial positions in Dutch cabinets. In his role as Elco Brinkman, he was well known for his hypnotizing way of looking, which is one of the typical characteristics of dutch heroes.

edit Place of Birth

People who visit the Netherlands often look for the place where Hansje Brinker was born. However, this is one of the best kept secrets of the Dutch society. Typically, when an American tourist asks for the place of birth of the national hero, the Dutch start to laugh as if the question is very silly. If someone hates tourists, he or she may even try to make believe that Hansje Brinker has never existed, and belongs to the realm of fiction. Such denial is a proven tactic in the War on Tourism. It arouses the tourist's curiosity, more tourists start looking for the secret place, and are laughed at.

edit Statue

Because of Hans' important role in Dutch history, a statue was erected in his honour in the city of Spaarndam. Every single dutchman visits this statue at least once a year, bringing flowers and a bottle of water. The flowers and bottles of water are piled up near the statue, the water symbolizing the threat of the water that Hans valiantly countered.

edit Political Career

Brinker was elected pensions minister in Bhutan in April 1997, in a surprising write-in ballot on an unannounced election day, while the Bhutanese were visiting their mother. This made him only the third fictional Dutchman to serve in the Bhutanese cabinet, and the first not to be anointed with the fatal juice of the Red Yeti Bush. As a result of this oversight he retained his position until an eclipse of the stars necessitated a cabinet reshuufffle. blah blah blah blah

edit Death

Hans Brinker tried to repeat his finger in the dyke deed in New Orleans on August 29, 2005 and drowned.

Preceded by:
Shari Lewis
Pensions Minister of Bhutan
1997-2002
Succeeded by:
Gepetto
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