From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
- This page is about getting a rope, put it in your neck, tied it to the ceiling then drop your body. For other meanings, go ask your dad.
“It's like, oh my God, it's like, I'm like, so cool!”
“In Soviet Russia, you hang the rope!! D'oh!!”
In hard words, hanging is described as "an form of capital punishment, which has been used since the Napoleon era, and act of suspending an individual's neck, or in some various regions, the individual's penis, by a rope that has been used in the scouting activities. The rope also needs to be a quite thick rope, so that it looks real." In shorter words, "cool stuff".
Besides being a form of punishment, hanging is also a very common tradition in the early 21th century, notably by the presence of hangman, a popular game among mainstream communities. Despite all the criticisms, the popularity of hangman has gone up very high and is likely to continue.
The term "hanging" was actually not used until 1767, when the Oxford English Dictionary was made. Way before that, around the sixth century, people referred "hanging" as "dropping", simply because the person with the rope is always going down. It is true, quite obviously, since the earth has a gravitation that is higher than the moon. For example, Neil Armstrong bounced very often when he went to the moon. Therefore, the act of "dropping" is not suitable on the surface of the moon. Maybe it is suitable on other moons, but not on the moon.
The word "hanging" was then invented in 1766 by some unemployed English men. At first, the word sparked controversies because "hangout" is already a word and is often used to describe some 17 year olds having sex. This situation is also worsened by some strange accent which sometimes change "hanging" to "hangin", and opposes "hangout". Not mentioning "hangmiddle" and "hangman". But anyway, they decided to use hanging because the meaning of dropping was later changed to "shit".
This sentence is only used to balanced the texts and the image on the left. Stupid kid.
While the effects of hanging vary between one human to another, basically the obvious effects are very obvious, that is why they are obvious. From the time the individual is hanged, he or she begins to feel a slight tickle in the neck, possible around the upper neck area. It is quite similar with a bee sting, a funny feeling when you get it. Then this feeling will move to your toe and usually the person will start to laugh. Then before you realised it, you are dead. Here are the brief chronological effects of hanging.
edit First 0.5 second
The gravity will start pull you down and you will start making faces like those slow motions on some television shows. Sometimes the hanged will scream "NOOOEEEEEE!!!" while some others are very quiet. Basically, it depends on the zodiac sign. Taurus people have a bigger chance to scream "FUUUCKKKK WORLD!!!" while Virgo people will scream like in an orgasm, "Ahhhhhh!!".
edit One second
Depending on the length of the rope, in most cases the hangees are still on the way to the floor and the tension of the rope is increasing. By this time, most hangees will get many visions of their past times like the one you may have seen on Armageddon the movie. You know, that time when Bruce Willis tried to detonate the nuke. He kept waiting for so long that he tried to remember all of his life? You know that? Then he got some visions like his daughter's face and stuff like that, you know?
edit Three seconds
The rope will start to pull your neck and head up, while the gravity will pull the rest of your body down. A very scary moment, for sure. At this time, most hangees will see some characters from their childhood, like Grue, Teletubbies, Pokemon and nipples. In some very serious cases, people will start getting hentai images.
edit Five seconds
The body system of the hangee will start to deteriorate, possibly by the enormous amount of pressure from the rope. Based on a number of researches, it has been known that hangees couldn't see colours anymore, and every object will only have two colours, red and green. Actually some others may see purple and violet. Due to the intense pressure, the hangee will probably crap his/her pants.
edit Twenty seconds
The hangee should be dead now. Below are some possible outcomes.
- The body and the head still stick to each other
- The body is missing, the head is hanged.
- The head is missing, the body is on the floor.
- John Wayne is having an orgasm.
- It's raining outside.
edit Five minutes
The hangee's body has been taken out to a nearby river, the rope has been put back to the cupboard, John Wayne is still having an orgasm, the sun looks so bright and everyone gets on with their lives.
“I like it to be normal.”
The normal method is probably the most suitable method of hanging, and has been used since Sir Isaac Newton found gravity, the gravity. This method is quite simple, and that is why the method is very popular among youngsters. There are some important things that will be needed, such as a rope, a chair, a room, a person and a will. A will to die and to explore the greatness of God, and to fly between the trees and houses and to give Christmas gifts during Christmas Eve. Oh yeah.
The hanger, or to a larger extent, the killer, will likely to put the rope around the hangee's neck and laugh while saying some random riddles. For example, "You know when I went there, don't you? I was there all along. Muahahahaha. Now where is my chocolate bar?"
edit While eating a banana
The second most popular method of hanging is hanging while eating a banana. It has been known that some toddlers eat banana while digesting some random medicines, and people tripped because of the banana's skin. But those are not the most important function of banana. The first and the foremost, also the most important function of banana is to commit hanging.
edit Long drop
“Damn it's long!”
The last, but not least popular method is the long drop method. The body is usually put around 450 metres above the floor, while the rope's length is around 400 metres. This method was often used during the Golden Age, but is rarely used these days because people are too busy to wait until it finishes.
edit In popular culture
- In one of Saved By The Bell episodes, the dude was going to be hanged but he was saved by the bell. Just in time.
- The popular "waster your time" game, hangman, actually was created with real human models. It took 5,420 models to complete the game before it hit stores.
- According to urban legend, hanging often resulting in orgasm at death. However, several researches have proved that the liquid is neither sperm nor anything else. It is actually either pee or poop.