Hand of God

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A referee makes small talk during the momentous occasion.

The Hand of God is a famous moment that took place in the Fencing World Championships of 1986. England and Argentina had been duelling for several minutes, seemingly on even ground despite Argentina champion fencer, Diego Maradona, already having "walked the English defence". Just as England seemed to be breaking through Argentina's defence, Maradona managed to beat England again.

edit The event

As Maradona and England's champion duelist, Gary Lineker, crossed swords again, the event was interrupted by God. Despite witness accounts, God reached down from heaven and began clicking his fingers very loudly in the stands to the tune of The Macarena. This distracted Lineker and Maradona took advantage, sweeping his blade through Lineker's jiving form and into contact with his body, securing Argentina's victory in the fencing championship.

As this event happened, fans all around the square fell silent in anticipation of what the referees were going to rule, it was clear to many that the point shouldn't be allowed, but to the shock of many, both referees were distracted. One Mark Halsey was found to be discussing Kanye West's upstaging of Taylor Swift receiving her VMA award.

Halsey was reported missing several hours later and was found, decades later, in the same landfill site which held several Mafia II game copies. The other referee, who has not been pictured for your viewing health, was spotted picking his nose in the square corner. Efforts to identify this referee have been fruitless as he appeared to have fled the scene following his discovery.

edit Controversy

Despite the overwhelming evidence that a deity had intervened and ensured Argentina's victory, controversy surrounds the Hand of God event. Video footage shows Maradona reaching out and grabbing Lineker's blade — known in the sport as a "handblade" — and normally results in a free stab. However, due to the referees being on the other side of the Fencing square and being unable to catch up with the duelist's incredible speed, the referees had no choice but to allow the point, as angering the Argentinians can have some very scary consequences — as the cast of Top Gear can confirm.

Maradona with hands in armpits

Diego Maradona responds to accusations of Handblading

Extensive investigations by the American Mafia, who bet heavily in favour of Diego Maradona, have concluded that it was indeed a holy act which caused the English fencer to become entranced by the llustrious voice of Los Del Rio. Further investigations by the Czech Mafia, who bet in favour of Lineker, has disputed this, and an ongoing struggle as to who can make the worst depiction of the crime syndicate is ongoing.

edit In other media

Several religions, such as Christianity, Judaism and ROBLOX all make reference to a Macarena clicking hand. Of course, the similarities differ between each religion, Christianity makes reference to God's timing of the waves as he massacred a civilisation, while the ROBLOX god was merely passing the time until the next craze of the infamous Epik Duk took hold (Pictured)


Awards given to those who overcome their "Duk" phase

The Hand of God event also impacted modern media due to its sparking of the Czech-American media war. Attempting to intimidate the Czech mafia into dropping the investigation, the American Mafia hired Francis Ford Coppola, a former debt enforcer for them, to create The Godfather movies. Unfortunately for the Mafia, what was intended to be a gory slasher fic, depicting the Czech Godfather's heads impaled on Maradona's foil, was instead turned into a dramatic soap opera about the Corleone family.

While the Americans made a film trilogy, the Czech's responded by creating what was intended to be a "Explode the American Head Simulator". Unfortunately, this too did not work, as they gave the work to Warhorse Studios, a move which they hoped would instil a sense of Czech nationalism into the head exploding. However, this did not work and instead Warhorse Studios made a game which, although still focussed on head exploding, was not nearly as clear in its intentions. The game was named Mafia II, as the Czech had already used the first of its series over a decade before to fight a war against the French. The American Mafia responded to this move by the Czech by having one of their most influential agents- Greg Miller of IGN- give the game a 7/10. Not only did this crush Warhorse Studio's mental state, but it caused the entire Czech Mafia to crumble. Daniel Vavra, Godfather of the Czech Republic and agent within Warhorse Studios, whispered to the press- "How can our 7/10 mafia compare with that 9.2/10 American Mafia?"

Vavra's leaving of the Czech Mafia caused a massive vacuum, as no one had expected the Godfather to leave after a positive game review, the crime syndicate was quickly rounded up and arrested, before being released as all they had done was develop some games.

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