Hamtaro
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| Hamtaro | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Kingdom | Japan |
| Phylum | Cute |
| Class | Grim Reaper |
| Order | Fries and a shake |
| Family | Asia |
| Genus | HAHA HE SAID GENIS |
| Species | Hamster |
| Binomial Name | Healthazard hamtaris |
| Primary Armament | Teeth |
| Secondary Armament | Photon torpedoes |
| Power Supply | 1 zero point module |
| HP: | {{{hp}}} |
| Mana Points: | {{{mp}}} |
| Strength: | capable of benching nearly 1100 pounds unassisted |
| Intelligence: | I.Q. is 191 |
| Weight | π kg |
| Length | √2 in. |
| Special Attack | Ebola Sneeze (PSN damage increases by x1.5 every turn) |
| Conservation Status | Fucking Kill™ on sight |
Hamtaro is a Belgian/Italian/Nazi/terrorist dish best served deep-fried with yogurt, pineapple, butter and hamster, though mad-cow infected pork is often used in vegetarian variants. It is widely accepted to bethe healthiest food ever invented, save for the North American delicacy known as lard. The first man to cook Hamtaro was a psychopathic artist from Greenland; his mental instability likely stemming from the lead paints he often handled with his tongue.
Contents |
[edit] History of Hamtaro
Hamtaro was a hamster who liked to sneeze on people. He spread SARS and Ebola by urinating on his best friend, Osama Bin Laden, who also peed on more an more people until Ebola was synonymous with Hamtaro. Also Hamtaro likes to rape innocent victims, most notably artists from Greenland.
[edit] Ingredients
Hamtaro is made with various ingredients, most of which can be found in dog feces and/or Wal-Mart. After finding all the ingredients, you should have:
- 1 Hamster
- 9 cups of Heinz ketchup flavored yogurt
- 2 cups of pineapple
- 200 pounds of solid butter
- 1 cow, preferably happy
- 17.55 liters of fermented goat milk
- Note: for optimal results, the milk should be over five years past its expiration date. You can test for this by checking if the milk is no longer recognizable as a dairy product. This indicates a well-aged milk and should be used immediately.
- Zit zapper
- Shredded government tax forms/expired prescription drugs
- 12 ounces of salt and/or cocaine
- 1 piece of hair off of David Lee Roth
- 2 L of LSD
[edit] Recipe
- Find one Hamster. You should be able to get one for roughly 2 dollars to 9200 dollars from that guy who smells like pee that also deals cocaine next door. You can buy canned hamsters in any Costco.
- Deep fry the Hamster for 3 hours. Marinate it with fermented goat milk and use the zit zapper to crust the outside coating.
- Place hamster in a cat litter box. This will seal in the flavor while absorbing odors and excess grease.
- Pour the yogurt and pineapple into large bowl made out of uranium-238. Any non-radioactive metal will not do, as the radiation is needed to thoroughly cook the notoriously thick-skinned hamster. Mix while bowl is on barbecue grill at 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Pour mixed yogurt and pineapple in large can. Seal it in. Microwave until microwave explodes. A blast radius of five meters is recommended; the performance of low-power microwaves can be enhanced with the use of small Viagra-based explosives. Collect the remnants of the microwave, you will need them later.
- Feed cow government tax forms/expired prescription drugs. Really, this isn't part of the recipe, but the shit that transpires afterwards will keep you entertained while you let the dish cook.
- Remove hamster from litter box.
- Coat with yogurt/pineapple/microwave shards, using a horsehair paintbrush.
- Encase in 200 pound block of butter by any means necessary. Serve to one person. WATCH THE POUNDS DISAPPEAR!
[edit] Where to Find Hamtaro
Any Italian or Arab restaurant will happily serve you Hamtaro. Watch out for Iceland Hamtaro. There they will serve you Hamtaro testicles, which have been known to cause weight gain and mad Hamster disease, amongst other gastrointestinal "nuisances."
[edit] Show Cancellation
You might think his show might have been cancelled because nobody liked it. On the contrary. Recent research on Uncyclopedia has revealed a mysterious door that upon entering turns hamsters into cats and vice versa.
