Hampton

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
GrannyWTF

Typical "Hamptonite" at play

Bouncywikilogo6
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hampton.
“Never has there been a bigger hive of old age pensioners”
~ Some old twat on Evesham

Hampton is a small part of Evesham located more or less pershore way. It's name has been derived from pretty much nothing at all except maybe the words "Ham" and "Ton." The Ham part was probably derived from Evesham's history whereas the ton? Lord only knows, probably because the place is a ton of uselessness but hey, someone has to live there. Hampton is the home to MANY old age pensioners, a bridge, a Farm Shop and a Spar shop (Seriously there is NOTHING there.) We would play football in the streets a la Evesham but theres nowhere to play, and the only place TO do so has a "No Football" sign...bloody pensioners.

edit Geography

Hampton is located along the River Avon much like Evesham is (funny that considering how its part of the town itself.) We have our own Ferry across the avon for a measly 50p. Many people have expressed their desire to take up the position of ferryman but none have succeeded thus far. Perhaps the guy is immortal..who knows?

Access to Fladbury and Charlton are one of two reasons to live or go through Hampton...but seriously..who the hell wants to go there, ever?

edit Population

Hampton is home to: 5% Young British 25% Chav 70% Old British

Hampton's Spar shop tends to have a congregation of that 70% at any one time...go to the town already! Use your cars you've driven for longer then the rest of us for gawd's sake!

The Farm shop tends to have an same said congregation of old people...what is it with Hampton and old people? Seriously...go somewhere else already!

edit Local Government

Hampton has no government, its a free for all which tends to be won 99.9% of the time by the old people due to the much larger percentage of them in the village. Bit like the world war really. Funny story involving a war. A Farmer barricaded his home after some pensioners tried to lynch him. He was eventually over run and the survivors declared themselves the government. Every year new people try to take their place. This has come to be known as "I WANNA BE LEADER" day. Probably the only thing that ACTUALLY ever happens around here, quite popular in fact.

edit Local Landmarks

We have Hampton Bridge, an Idyllic piece of construction with every piece of filth running in its water that you can think of, tyres, car doors, bollards the lot!

The Spar shop is the only place we can go without having to walk far to get food, hence why it is always crowded.

The Farm Shop has fresh produce (YES FRESH) being as its situated next to lord knows how much farm land.

Oh...and we have a school, somewhere, I haven't been able to find it yet.

edit Little known Facts

  • We have a school.
  • We are emo-free.
  • Bus services DO cover our village surprisingly.
  • We were hit by the great flood of '96 nd 2007 just as bad as Evesham cutting us off from a lot of stuff, man the Spar has never seen so much business ever.
  • A man tried to free fall over the village and ended up splatting everywhere, this added up to 3 years of meat for the local butchery which never really sees much business.
  • We DO sell Oreos in small quantities.
  • William Shakespeare almost lived here but then decided it was too old for him and went to Stratford.

there is bare sexy man you get me

Personal tools
projects