Halo
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|  This article needs love | |
| This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love. Please give some love by rewriting it. | ||
| Halo | |
|---|---|
| |
| Developer | Vatican Games |
| Release Date | 1314 but will have a remake for the xbox wii 60 and for the PeeS 32543 for 2045 |
| Genre | first person ethnic cleanser and third person car bomber |
| Platforms | Cardboard box with "X" written on it |
| Rating | PG 2000 not suitable for anyone under the age of 3 |
| Would Yo mama play it? | if it were a jalapeno on a stick! |
“Chief, what is that light over there?!?! A cross...?!?!?!”
“Oh My God! IT'S JESUS!!!”
“This Master Chief guy is stealing my bit. The Flood is killing everyone and you need a giant Ark to save humanity? Seriously, total rip-off.”
Regarded, by many, as the best game, of all time, through out the universe, with out a doubt, and makes every other game ever made look like a steaming pile of mario excrement. While some may say the it contains linear and redundant level design, and others may say a game like Metal Gear Solid or Half Life 2 provides a more complex and intricate gameplay and story, they are "gay," "are just saying it because they're too poor to afford an xbox," or "like the PS3 because it's gay."
Contents |
Online play
Halo is recognized as having the most effective online playing to date, using the free service of xboxlive which is recognized as 100% reliable.
The actual mechanics of online play consist of several game types, including s14yz0rz, Capture the F**, and in a high pitch voice proclaiming your deadness to your mom upstairs. There is a total of 2.3 maps that come with the game and require a monthly fee of five-thousand dollars (2 euros). One of the major drawbacks of the game is that respawn time is 72 hours.
***SPOILER***
The final boss in the game is a giant iMac. Although the original boss was a huge white puzzle-sphere named "Wikipedia", Microsoft changed this after buying the company that was making Halo.
***END SPOILER***
The majority of the game is played by fat people,furfags,Koreans,Americans, and maybe some of the emo population as an excuse for being a poser if someone ever found out. Halo players strive at nothing to become the greatest Halo master of all time, so they train themselves in the arts of n00bing n00bs for endless hours in their ultimate quest to kill 'em all. Anyone that is under them is a n00b and must perish, then be constantly teabagged for countless hours. However, anyone better than them is obviously a cheater or an evil Satanic practicer of The H4ckz, and should also perish. In short, these people are a minority and are only known for an unnoticeable statistic on the census and should be treated as such. If you find anyone in your server who is better than you, ban him.
Legends of Halo
New001 - An omnipresent, supernatural force, New001 has many personalities and skill levels. Unlike most players, it is sometimes a professional sniper, sometimes uses aimbot, and sometimes just sucks. Sometimes it uses ammo responsibly, sometimes it uses full auto without aiming. Sometimes it never says a word, sometimes it's the most sociable person ever. Any attempt to understand New001 will result in death by falling 50-pound traffic cones.
Yourself - The ultimate arch nemesis of you, an omnipresent, supernatural force who cannot be defeated, if you manage to kill him you just have actually killed yourself instead.
a vehicle - Like New001, a vehicle is another omnipresent, supernatural force in Halo, but is far less skilled. It gets the majority of its score by hacking servers and claiming a kill whenever a Warthog, Scorpion, etc. falls on and kills someone. a vehicle will often use an additional hack which removes its name and score from the name and score list (which lists names and scores).
HIS PENIS - Like the other two (this is getting repetitive), the log console then says "Caboose was killed by HIS PENIS", what a rhetorical and self-explanatory statement.
Sequels
RYEE has announced that a sequel, "Halo 2: Combat Intelligently Designed" will be released for players who were sent to hell and want to stop dancing to the catchy beat of the most hated song in the game, the MJOLNIR remix . Little information is known about "Halo 2: Combat Intelligently Designed" except the basic plot which consists of Satan returning and, in realizing that he cannot defeat the player, to release the player, under the condition that he will serve Satan in spreading his heathen ideas on evolution for all eternity. "Halo 4: Combat Quite Clever" has not had much thought put into it yet, just like the other two games. However, we do know that it centers around covering the holy twinky factory with used (or as other people would put it, "recycled") toilet paper. Yet another sequel, "Halo: We're Almost Done" is scheduled for release is 2010 BC. When asked about his latest work, Master Chief replied, "Well I'm getting quite bored actually. Especially of Cortana. That crazy bitch won't let me have a moment to myself. Constantly bugging me about the mission when I'm just trying to have fun. Also, I miss my little mouse buddy. He died in action on the first ring. Rest in Peace little buddy."
Upgrades to New Game
With the release of a new game, Bungie will include new changes they thought were crucial, these are listed below:
Master Chief has abillity to perform the "Barrel Roll"
Maulers will be given a scope.
Grunts will be replaced by charizards.
Radar Jammers might become useful.
Master Chief will have the ability to go Super Saiyan >:D
Master Chief will have more than 3 lines of dialogue.
A new grenade called the Pokeball will be introduced in the game.
New Samus Aran character to multiplayer.
Following the imprisonment of Master Chiefs voice actor, (Master Chief will be voiced by Tiny Tim.)
You will now be able to swallow grenades and jump head first into a squad of enemies.
A new weapon called "Teh Spartin Lazorg" has been added, allowing players to kill other players, something previously unseen in Halo: Holy Combat.
Energy sword is re-named the 'Glowing Toothpick From Hell'
A new upgrade will appear named the 'S00p3r M3g4 1337 Sp4r14n from H33l whooze h33r3 to k1ck ur 4rze' Master Chief (or an elite, if you play as an elite, but seriously who would intentionally be an eite?) gets 3000% Damage, 122.128471348124382473% more health and becomes invisible. . . and can become god, player then has the power to smite thy opponents by summoning and flinging multiple Bill Gates with his 1337 H4kzorz skilzzzz.
Bill Gates power up: Bill gates will appear on the map and help you by sueing all other players for copyright infringement. He will then proceed to take their weapons, armour and boxer shorts and gift them to you.
Legendary Edition
The Legendary Edition of Halo was released for people who believed that if they spent more on the packaging of the game, they were superior (in the eyes of the Lord). The main problem that gamers had was that the the much publicized 'Legendary Helmet' was no more than a crown of thorns made of some sticks and grass. Then you got put on a cross.
Halo in Today's Society
MLG
MLG is short for Major League Gayness, which is an organized official group of gamers who actually believe that Halo is a sport and can be played professionally. About all they are good with is the battle rifle. If they're good at anything else, they are not true Pro Haloers (for the purpose of this article, they will from here on out be called "Halofags"). Also, any time you happen to kill a Halofag in combat, he was either tired, didn't feel like playing, was distracted, had the view of the screen obstructed, thought that you were lagging due to his Wal Mart connection, or a less-experienced player was playing for them the exact moment they died, as the real player tended to something else.
Floating to the right side of the page using the thumb attribute and a caption:
Because Halo is a true sport, requiring exercise, coordination, and being sweaty and over-muscular, all Halofags can fuck your ass in real life, so it doesn't matter if you can beat them in the game. Be warned of this whenever arranging to fight one in real life. Also, they are all conveniently gay and have hot boyfriends, so insist on insulting them. Prepare to be called "fabulous" several times, as this is their favorite adjective used to describe anything pretty. However, their physical appearance is so revolting and feminine that they will be apprehended by Area 51 and the government will make them never have existed far before they can get to, or even find you. If every Halofag tells you they will come to your house and "k1k ur a$$", they must be able to, and after they're done that, they will steal your wallet and then proceed back home. But again, they can't because their Xbox would be really far away then, and since the thing weighs 6.022x1023 megagrams and they can't bring it with them, they won't leave home without it.
How to Tell if you're an MLG Halofag
Do you... Suck at Halo? Not respect yourself? Claim to not care about winning solely because you have never experienced success at any level of your life?
If you answered no to any of these questions, you just may be a Halo Master. If you answered yes to any of them, you may not, but there is still a chance that you are. If you answered Yes to all of these questions, you are this guy.
Better than a Halofag? No way!
Remember, it is possible to be better than a Halofag. Do you play the game for fun, and don't care if you are t3h m0st 1337, n00b-pwnz0rzing H410 MLG d00d 3v4r?!1?!?!!!!eleventyone? Do you partake in the act of [powerful weapon or vehicle name here] n00bing just because it's fun to listen to people whine and bitch? Are you terrible at Halo? You may not be better than an MLG Halofag at Halo, but you have more morals and are probably a much better person than a Halofag. Way to go, you're better than them!
We hope this article was very informative, and may even have convinced you to try the game. 7h4nk u 4 r34d1ng.
Recon Helmet
Recon helmet is a helmet that doesn't exist, the sole purpose is to keep n00bs playing. Recon doesn't look that good yet people still want it, this helmet will actually be obtainable by buying halo 3:ODST (organ donate super tards) bungie's way of getting you to buy there game, recon actually fires lazers at people, but people with this helmet don't use this because jesus gets jealous of that power and doing so will have jesus fall from the sky with a flechette shotgun and commit genocide. His gamer tag will show up as ubercorpreal.
