Halloween (film series)

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Hallowen (1978) DVD cover art.
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The Halloween Series is a wildly popular series of horror films revolving around the holiday Christmas, the small town of Haddonfield, IL, and a serial killer/mass murderer named Michael Myers. The story was created by fellow serial killer/mass murderer John Carpenter and has been hailed, praised, damned, condemned, ignored, honored, and otherwise noticed by the general public.

Contents

[edit] Films

[edit] Halloween

Main article:Halloween (film)

The movie that started it all. Michael Myers kills his second cousin, twice removed, and is sent to Dr. Seuss-Oscar Wilde Sanitarium. Fifteen years later, upon his 21st birthday, he is to stand trial for the murder, but he escapes by taking off in Dr. Loomis' DeLorean time machine and heading back to Haddonfield. First he kills Annie Brackett, then Steve Urkel, then Lynda, and by the time he gets to Laurie Strode, Loomis shoots Michael six times and leaves him for dead.

[edit] Cast

[edit] Halloween II

Main article: Halloween II

Michael follows Laurie to the hospital where he gets lazy and starts watching TV. He falls asleep and then Loomis sets the hospital on fire, killing everyone inside... Except for Michael.

[edit] Cast

[edit] Halloween III: The return of michael myers

Main article: Halloween III: The Nap of Michael Myers

Has nothing to do with Michael Myers, so let's just skip it.

[edit] Halloween 4: Michael Myers Is Done Napping

Main article: Halloween 4: Michael Myers Is Done Napping

Michael wakes up from his decade-long nap to find out that this little girl is trying to sell girl scout cookies; Michael loves cookies. She turns out to be Laurie's seven-year-old daughter, Jamie Lloyd. Laurie Strode and her husband, Christopher Lloyd, mysteriously vanished without a trace. Once again, Loomis stops Michael and leaves him for dead. But the dude just won't die!

[edit] Cast

[edit] Halloween 5: The Search For More Money

Main article: Halloween 5: The Search For More Money

A lame Halloween/Star Trek crossover. Kirk, kills, Michael Myers, once and for all. The, end. The film had very little plot but enough Star Trek and Halloween fans saw it for it to be the Number One movie of 1989.

[edit] Cast

[edit] Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Main article: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Few people saw this 1995 installment, but it is revealed that Michael Myers is possessed by Barney and the Teletubbies, who are telling him to kill his bloodline and he himself will die once the rest of his family has. The film was released direct-to-video outside of North America. This film also marked the final appearance of Vincent Price as Dr. Loomis, as he died during the filming. Then the editors sliced and diced the film to pieces to minimize Loomis and prevent him from appearing in the next film.

[edit] Cast

[edit] Halloween: H20

Main article: Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later

Taking place twenty years after the original Halloween, Halloween H20 focuses on Michael Myers going to the store to buy a bottle of water, where he runs into Laurie, who faked her death years earlier. He doesn't kill anybody in this film aside from customers who are taking too long at checkout. It was the highest at the box office in 1998 and won a few Academy Awards, including Best Picture and Best Original Song for Celine Dion's "My Knife Will Go On."

[edit] Cast

[edit] Halloween: Resurrection

Main article: Halloween: Resurrection

Another Halloween film that is not worth documenting. This film is a 120-minute episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway.

[edit] Cast

[edit] Halloween Remake

Main article: Halloween (2007 film)

It was announced that Rob Zombie would helm the next Halloween movie, which would be a remake. Rob Zombie was then let go in favor of Liza Minelli, who was fired herself, only to be replaced once again by Zombie. The film was released on August 31, 2007.

Did You Know...

Santa WANTS you to pout during Halloween, only with your muscle energy can he get sooooo POed that he has the rage to "take care of" the Halloween putzes (named after the popular 1830s band) which steal your ice cream and make it into pudding!

Halloween sucks A**.

Halloween was popularized by Mickey Mouse and his band's song Halloween Cheese, a failure after which Mickey bacame a drunk and went on a shooting rampage at an ice cream factory.

Halloween sucks serious A**. Really! I'm NOT joking, (modest wink, wink). See proof:

H = 5X4^7+34-73 = sucks serious A**

Remember the equation, it could be on your quiz tomorrow.

Halloween is not real; you are in the Matrix; and Agent Smith is coming for you. (supenseful music plays)

Just kidding, Halloween is real, and that putz from the movie is about to steal your refrigerator, with all its free ketchup, mayonnaise, and butter packages. Catch him if you can!

How to take care of Halloween putz, illegitimate son of the king of New York Duchy and thus heir to his throne:

1. Take fiery razor or knife, swiss knife, cafeteria knife, butter, KFC chicken, large book, cocaine (see Eric Clapton for further elaboration), needles, water balloons, copper pipes, kryptonite, radioactive uranium, some old CDs, string, David Bowie or Queen knife, steak knife, USB cable, lamp, and some old cabbage.

2. Heat the aforementioned metals ONLY.

3. Shove aforementioned articles up his @**. Be sure to shove it with as much force as possible (force = mass X acceleration). You gotta shove it up hard, reeeeal hard. I'll wait. (Jeopardy theme song.) (Jeopardy theme song ends.) Yup, I think that will do it. Make sure final article is at least 20.36747364375874857475834856174554123 centimeters up the you know what.

Thank you, thank you very much; elves have entered the building and cast a spell on your TV, making it see the ring movie (you know, the dumb well movie with the ring dude) instead of saw, to "take care of the ring dude," just add water and some Barbara Streisand songs, this is the antimatter for the ring dude and aforementioned ring dude will disintegrate into nothingness, or Nirvana. By the way, did you hear about the Nirvana baby turning 2000 or something? I'm outie. (Nirvana plays as I go outie).

(Nirvana stops abruptly) Note this is the way to stop Saw (present King of New York duchy) also. Come to think of it, it might be the way to stop ANY bad guys; hey, try it on the ring dude! (Hair of the Dog plays as I really go outie).

(Hair of the Dog stops as I suddenly come back.) Just joking. (Hair of the Dog plays as I go outie.)

[edit] External links

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Whore and Gore
Horror film | Slasher Films | Nunsploitation | Cancer porn
Movies
The Aristocats | Bambi | Blood on the Tracks | Cannibal Holocaust | Cinderella | A Dark Skin | Dirty Habits | Final Destination | Fountainhead Earth | Freddy v. Jason | Friday the 13th | Ghostbusters | Happy Feet | Hostel | The Hunchback of Notre Dame | JAWS | The Lion King | The Mask | Misery | One Hundred and One Dalmatians | The Phantom of the Opera | Predator | Psycho | The Rescuers | Saw | The Shining | Snakes on a Plane | Texas Chainsaw Massacre | The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 | Waltz with Bashir | The Wicker Man
Sagas
Dracula | Halloween | Passion of the Christ | Frankenstein | Scream | The Twilight Zone | The X-Files | Dexter
Characters
Dracula | Bogeyman | GOP | John Carpenter | Chucky | Dumbo the Elephant | Richard Scarry | Hannah Montana | Grue | Jason Voorhees | Freddy Krueger | Xenomorph | Sweeney Todd | Old McDonald | Mike Myers | Michael Jackson | Hannibal Lecter | Dexter Morgan | Tinky Winky | Teletubbies | Bob the Builder | Dick the Clown
Creators
Eli Roth | Ronald McDonald | Goa Tse | Tex Avery | Ed Wood | David Lynch | David Cronenberg | Andrew Lloyd Webber | Paris Hilton | Stanley Kubrick | Anthony Soprano Junior | Rob Zombie | Blitz Smith | Walt Disney | Spike Milligan | Alfred Hitchcock
History
UnNews:"Leprechaun" remake in the works | UnNews:Michael Myers escapes from sanitarium, kills Christopher Walken | UnNews:New "Halloween" movie getting little promotion; world in panic | UnNews:Next Saw film to include a goatse-trap | UnNews:Rob Zombie:"Halloween will be rated G" | UnNews:Scheider death blamed on shark | UnNews:Ving Rhames' dog kills zombie | UnNews:"Saw VI" got a G-rating by the MPAA
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