Hal Turner

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“I was in 'Nam with Hal Turner; I watched the bastard step over wounded boys, leaving them to die. And he shot a bear. And that bear was my mother!
~ John Kerry on Hal Turner
“Fucker owes me ten dollars.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Hal Turner
“We're sorry we took all your moneyz Hal.”
~ Ebaumsworld on Hal Turner

I'm sorry Hal I can't let you say that.

Harold "Busta Rhymes" Turner is an Internet radio talk show host from New Joisey, known for his breathtaking kickboxing and his support of same-sex marriage between sperm whales. His program, The Hal Turner Super-Awesome-Rad-Fun-Time Experience, is viewed by tens of people every Wednesday. Turner is married to Phyllis Diller, has one son, and identifies himself as the second coming of Christ.

edit Hal from New Joisey

Turner is an independent media personality, weeaboo and occasional candidate in various Muhammad Ali-lookalike contests, despite the fact that he cannot win because, uhh, his skin tone is, ummm, a bit more "family friendly". Before launching his talk show, Turner spent his time eating deviled eggs with Freddie Mercury and trying to contract the entire Hepatitis set (worth over $9000 dollars).

In A.D. 2101, after a period of mental instability, Turner had a reported "epiphany", deciding that White Americans were cock monglers and that the fate of America rested upon minorities and illegal immigrants.

That same year, he started The Hal Turner Super-Awesome-Rad-Fun-Time Experience by offering blowjobs in seedy alleyways in New Jersey to raise money to fund his show. Despite cutting back on the number of days the show airs, Turner continues to suck a consistent amount of dick.

Hal Turner also enjoys a nice bowl of kitten soup.

As a prominent black community activist Hal has campaigned tirelessly against "Whitey" and the croneyism and ignorance prevalent in so much of American society. He is a radical opponent of the traditional image of Americans as white christians and sees this group as weak and decadent. He can often be heard lambasting "the man" and celebrating the rise of minorities and the black dominance he sees on America's horizon.

edit The Hal Turner Super-Awesome-Long-Fucking-Title Experience

Now this is a story all about how Hal's life got flipped, turned upside down. I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how he became the host of a show called The Hal Turner Super-Awesome-Rad-Fun-Time Experience.

In West New Jersey he was born and raised, on the playground is where he spent most of his days. Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school, when a couple of spics, who were up to no good, start making trouble in his neighborhood. He dropped one racial slur and his mom got scared, she said "You're moving with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel-Air!"

He whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the licenseplate said FRESH and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, he could say, that this cab was rare, but he thought, "Now forget it", "Yo home, to Bel-Air!"

He pulled up to a house about seven or eight, and said to the cabby, "Yo home, smell ya later!" He looked at his kingdom; he was finally there to settle his throne as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Somewhere, in the middle of all of this, he also founded a radio show. Oh, and he got his ass kicked by a cripple.

Hal relies on his legions of fans for support, both emotional and with bandwidth, and they are united under the symbol of /b/. Scholars are baffled as to what this could represents. Current speculation is that it represents his fervent belief in /b/lack power as the unifying force in modern America.

edit References

References are for the weak. Oh, and Jews

edit See Also

Personal tools