HIV

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Hugh Grant Immunodeficiency Virus
HgIV
Scientific classification
Kingdom The United
Phylum Chordata
Class Upper
Order I'll have the prawn noodles and egg fried rice please.
Family Annoyus Actorae
Genus Poshus Effeminatus
Species Britishus Stereotypa
Binomial name
"That Bastard"
Specifications
Primary armament Gormless Smile
Secondary armament Pithy stuttered comments
Power supply Overrated Romantic comedies
Health -100
Mana -100
Strength -100
Intelligence -100
Weight Increasing
Length 24ft
Special attack Vomit inducing spoken conclusion to every god awful film he's made
Conservation status
Endangered (thankfully)
“And we thought AIDS was bad!”
~ Half of Africa on Hugh Grant Immunodeficiency Virus
“How come I aint dead yet?”

Hugh Grant immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is a retrovirus that causes acquired irratating dickhead syndrome (AIDS), a condition in humans in which the sufferer stars in a number of simillar romantic comedies and acts like a complete arse. Infection with HIV occurs by the transfer of blood, semen, glances, hand shakes, breathing the same air as, or even thinking about infected person. The three major routes of transmission are protected sexual intercourse, watching Love Actually, or saying rather more than once in your lifetime. India has its unique strain of HIV (Hindi Imposition Virus) which is spread by radio, televisions, politicians and Amithabh Bhacchan. It causes severe mental retardation and ear damage.

Early Symptoms

  • Foppish Haircut
  • Raised temperature
  • Tendancy to pick up prostitutes
  • Slight lack of appetite
  • Constant morronic smile
  • Craving for anal sex
  • Mild headaches
  • Repeated use of the word "right".

Risk of hiv

Later Symptoms

  • Tendancy to become unfathomably rich for no apparent reason
  • Shrinking of the genitals
  • Shrinking of the Brain
  • Slight cough
  • Bizarre English accent
  • Death


Treatment

There is currently no vaccine or cure for HIV, the only known method of prevention is to act as manly as possible, preferably with a thick Australian accent (Stay far away from stingrays if you use this method). Acting manly can be achieved by spitting, farting, talking with a very deep voice and watching lethal weapon 2, the manliest film ever made. However, as HIV is mainly contracted by watching romantic comedies, the infected persons are usually already in comas or criminally insane, thus making treatment nearly impossible. There are some drugs for HIV, however, they don't work. The only reason why HIV drugs are approved by the FDA is for the FDA to take all of your money before you die.Watch out for thailand prostitutes if they have it they will do anything to pass it on to you "the tourist"also dont pick them up from the beach,streets only go to massage places they are the safest ie clean whores,they get tested every 3 months if they fail ,they just move onto the streets to carry on there dirty work,never turn the lights out in the room,make sure she does not take of the condom,without your seeing,a shag is not worth your life,stay away from whores in thailand they got loads of bad tricks up there fannys

There is now substantial valid research that suggests that cancer can cure HIV (Hugh Grant Immunodeficency Virus).

Hivhq2

HIV in the early stages : notice the ridiculous haircut and homosexual pose

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