Hörby

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Russia194145-Katyusha

Orcish bombings of Hörby.

“Never heard of it.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Hörby

Hörby (also known as Whore Town) was founded in 1337 by Torbal the Viking. It was supposed to be the capital of Sweden, but after the Orc-Human War in 1338 the city was abandoned and re-settled in 1400. The city was in a mess and filled with Orc corpses. Everyone thought that "This sucks" and began the famous "Cleanup of 1400". The Cleanup took 2 weeks of non-stop cleaning and burning of orc corpses. Unfortunately, the stench from burning orcs killed half of the settlers and made the other half sterile. The remaining settlers became so depressed that they cut of there genitalia, which increased their lifespan with 1500 years.

edit Tourist Information

A warning to all tourists that want to travel to Hörby: Bring something that can entertain you ( Tv, guns, trained monkeys etc.) cause Hörby is the 2nd most boring city in all of Sweden, only beaten by the evil city of Eslöv. There is literally nothing to do, besides watching Tv, shooting people and making fun of the sterile settlers. Located in a bowl shaped valley filled with boredom, lies a restaurant aptly named 'Siri Porn'.

edit Language

Hörby is the only city in Sweden that still hasn't developed language. That doesn't matter, since everyone that lives in Hörby communicates via telepathy, called "Hörby Sense" by some jerk.

edit Orc-Human War of 1338

The War started 1338 when Torbal the Viking wanted to expand Hörby into Orc territory. The Orcs wasn't happy about it so they sent their diplomat, Grogg the Pink, to see if Torbal could change his mind. Unfortunately, Torbal was drunk when Grogg the Pink arrived. Torbal picked up his sword and slayed Grogg the Pink, now Grogg the Red. The Orc chief, Kreit the Not-So-Gay, saw this as a declaration of war. The war lasted only for 2 years but with thousands of deaths on each side. The war ended when Kreit the Not-So-Gay got food poisoned by a rosted rat. Kreit's death sent a shockwave through his army that led to the day when the entire Orc Army disbanded. Torbal and the entire city celebrated for 14 days and 14 nights but when they realized that the city was a dump now after the war, everyone emigrated to Finland. Everyone except Torbal who stayed and began to dig for coal.

edit Recent History

Nothing has happened in Hörby since 1957, when Patrik Andersson was born and everyone thought about suicide.

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