Gwonam

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KingPissed WARNING: THIS PAGE CONTAINS YOUTUBE POOP.
If you see any dinner, keep it away from the King.
“The birds are singing, isn't it beautiful?”
~ Gwonam on birds
No Wikipedia
Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Gwonam. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.


“Squadula! We are off!”
~ Gwonam taking people on his magic carpet ride.
Gwonam

He never bothers to shave his beard.

Gwonam (Full name: Gwonam Achmed Omar Al-Qabbari) is a genie that allows people to travel around his magic carpet (mainly the hero Link in particular) and gives people maps asking them where they wish to go. He is a ornithophile, having an unhealthy obsession with all kinds of birds. He is also very impatient, not even giving his riders time to pack, only allowing them to bring swords whenever they travel with him to other places, which unfortunately included Link when he needed to foil Ganon's crazy plans of world domination.Thankfully, he was able to find other items to assist him on his journey, defeat the dark lord Ganon (which interestingly was like taking candy from a baby thanks to his secret weapon, which Ganon was extremely weak to the point where it only took one shot to take him out with it), and save Zelda (who was ungrateful to the point where she refused to give him a kiss, making it a mystery why he continues to rescue her time and time again from whatever evildoer wishes to get his hands on her). He tried to audition for "Afghanistan's Next Top Bin Laden", but we was too nice and was sacked. He now works for YTP.

Early Life

As with all genies, Gwonam was born in an Arabian country, Saudi Arabia to be precise. To prevent him from being used for the wrong purposes (by Ganon in particular), he was hidden by the ancients and closely guarded by venomous snakes, mummies, flesh-eating scarab beetles, and an evil immortal pharoah...that ran away whenever someone approached them. He is elderly even by genie standards, making it a miracle that he is not a pile of dust waiting to be scattered by the wind. Strangely, despite being a genie, he does not have a magical lamp whatsoever, let alone living inside of one. He instead lives in a house, which is TPed and egged twice a week.

Invasion of Koridai

Prophecy

Gwonam telling The King that only Link can defeat Ganon, which was proven false when Zelda later defeated him using the Wand of Gamelon.

During the Invasion of Koridai, Gwonam served The King of Hyrule, and quickly informed him of Ganon seizing the island of Koridai. He took Link to Koridai and told him he needed to conquer the goofy-looking Faces of Evil (that for some reason were there before Ganon seized the island), giving him needless information about each of the horrible deadly monsters such as the fat disgusting slob Glutko, the swine flu-infected Harlequin, the pyromaniac warlord Militron, and the soul-staring wolf girl Lupay (Which all paled in comparision to the dreaded telemarketer, although thankfully he did not work for Ganon) that resided in each of them. He also gave what Link needed to enter Ganon's Lair and ultimately trap him inside the burning pit known as the Book of Koridai (Which as it turns out was not the only weapon capable of doing so, as the Wand of Gamelon was able to make fighting Ganon like fighting a kitten as well).


Since then, Gwonam has continued to reside in his small house, handing out several maps to passersby and harassing them by talking nonstop about birds and saying Squadula when people are trying to have a conversation. Apparently the developers are aware of how annoying he had become, as he has not appeared in another Zelda game since then, not even in Wand of Gamelon, where his role was replaced by Impa, who judging from her future appearances in the Zelda franchise was well-liked by fans.

Friends and Family

Unfortunately due to being immortal, most of Gwonam's friends are long dead and are currently residing in Hell with Satan. These include Mickey Mouse (who met his demise thanks to a mouse trap set up by Walt Disney), Aladdin (who fell off his magic carpet screaming like a little girl to his death), Justin Bieber (who was killed by his haters when they shoved dynamite in his mouth while he was singing), and Mama Luigi (who fell into boiling lava). However, during the Invasion of Koridai he was Link's travelling companion, suggesting that he is good friends with the boy. King Harkinian is confirmed to be the one that released him from his lamp as well.

Rumor has it that he may be related to other famous genies such as Jambi, although this would be strange given that Jambi the Genie is disembodied. On the other hand, Jambi has more in common with Mario's Head.

Powers and Abilities

As a genie, it is natural that Gwonam is able to grant wishes, however he is far too lazy and refuses to do so. This has made his master King Harkinian very angry with him, who wants an endless amount of dinner due to his enormous appetite among other things. He also shares his species's immortality, as not even the mighty and invincible Chuck Norris is capable of killing him even while armed with nuclear weapons.

He also is capable of flight, albeit only with his magic carpet, making people wonder where he got it in the first place. Gwonam has frequently used his magic carpet to his advantage, charging people high fees to get around Koridai.

Recent Events

Squadula

As we can see, Gwonam screams like a little girl when he gets scared.

Gwonam has recently been attacked by the evil forces of Ganon, although given Ganon attacks people at random this isn't very surprising. Despite being a genie, he does not appear to be able to defend himself with his magic, and we believe that he is currently crying like a baby instead of barricading his house. It seems inevitable that he will be captured by Ganon. Hopefully he will not grant the despicable villain's wishes (even though he may not have a choice), as they involve mass genocide (which naturally includes his archenemy, Link as a victim) and putting the world in an age of darkness. That includes Norm The Genie.

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