Guru Nanak Dev

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“He did an interesting experiment. He mixed together existing religions to see what came out of it. And thus Sickism was born.”
~ On the Origin of Sickism Sikhism

Guru Nanak Dev was an Indian prophet, kinda Indian version of Jesus or Muhammed. He was born in the 13th century when Europe was getting out of the Dark Ages and India was about to take its vacant seat there. Nanak was a very clever boy. In fact he was so intelligent that instead of learning from his teachers, the story goes, he instead taught them. Only god knows what the little boy had to offer in terms of education.

edit Invention of Sikhism

Anyway, growing up, Nanak saw that Hinduism wasn't a good religion, so he turned to Islam. On finding Islam was no better he decided to make one his own. And thus Sickism Sikhism was born.

Nanak needed a new god for his new religion. Initially he thought of borrowing one from the Hindus, for Hinduism is the only religion in the world in which the gods outnumber believers. He was overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices at his disposal so he took a safe path, and made the only Muslim god Allah his own. He was careful to rename it so that the Mullahs couldn't issue a fatwa against him for copyright infrigement.

edit Sacred book

Once the issue of god was settled, Nanak wanted more for his religion: a sacred book and rituals.

Being very clever, Nanak started writing a religious book for his new religion. He was so intelligent that he wrote a 100,000 page tome. It would take still more intelligent Sikhs another 400 years to make an abridged edition.

edit Rituals

The Muslims have only one god, one sacred book and very straightforward and boring rituals. The Hinduism is more fun in this respect. So Nanak copied Hindu rituals, played with them a little, gave them different names and his religion was ready!

edit Marriage

Nanak didn't believe in celibacy. He even told his followers that one of their first duties was to get married. (For prostitution was still illegal at that time.) He married, had sex a couple of times and when his wife bore him two sons and turned fat and ugly, like a typical Indian woman, Nanak decided to leave his family and become a hippie.

With his homosexual hippie friend Mardana, he would go to as far as Mecca in the West and Tibet in the East. Because gay rights movement was still not strong non-existant at that time, they ultimately had to part.

edit Death

Like all prophets, Nanak Dev didn't die. Believers say that one day he went to take a bath at a river and never returned. There the god secretly told him something that his duty was over and it was now time to follow him to the Heaven and have fun with 72 virgins there. He was so excited that he never came back.

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