Gul Dukat
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Gul Dukat is a wise Cardassian politician from the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. He is widely regarded as being the nicest character on the entire show, but always suffering from abuse by the other major characters.
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[edit] As Prefect of Bajor
Before the beginning of the show, I Dukat served as the prefect of the planet Bajor, who were under Cardassian occupation because they were really weak and pathetic and didn't know how to take care of themselves. Dukat tried to be as nice as possible towards the Bajoran people, going out of my his way to hand out stuffed animals and apple juice. But the Bajorans complained that these had been produced in forced labour camps, which for some reason upset them. Dukat's evil advisers suggested he "send them all to 'Happy Land'", and he gave them free reign to do whatever they wanted, because he was too busy getting to know the local Bajoran women. When they admitted to Dukat that they were in fact killing the Bajorans, Dukat became very concerned, but he continued to let them do whatever they wanted because they told him the Bajorans liked being killed.
I He had no idea that they in fact did not want this until he was told by Kira Nerys, who was at the time knocking over his garbage cans and eating Cardassian children. Seeing the error of his way, he attempted to stop people from killing themselves, but he was knocked out by a brick to the head probably by Kira, that bitch. When he woke up, he was informed that all the Cardassians had left Bajor in panic, and that the entire planet hated him for no good reason.
[edit] Fall From Grace
After the withdraw from Bajor (which was in no way my Dukat's fault. It was all the Bajorans and his stupid advisers) the Bajorans requested the Federation come over to protect them from the Cardassians (thus proving what I Dukat was saying earlier that the Bajorans couldn't protect themselves. You see? They even reverted back to theocracy.) They agreed, and sent Captain Sisko with a warship to run one of the space stations they had forgotten to take with them (but really belonged to them, you see) called Terok Nor (except they started calling it "Deep Space Nine", which isn't nearly as cool.) Even worse, they got Kira Nerys to run it with him, so I he would never get a change to be nice with them. It was so unfair.
[edit] Tora Ziyal
Yes, I Dukat did have a half Bajoran daughter (although I he would like it to be known Miru had spiked my his kaanar). He did at first send her away but eventually I realized that he ought to go out and find her, and I don't care what Kira told you despite Kira Nerys's statement to the contrary, I he was not trying to kill her. He just wanted to take her home. Regardless, everyone got quite upset about the fact that I had a Bajoran daughter, my mom disowned me and I was transferred to command of a freighter. At least Damar was nice enough to stick with me him. Although I he thinks it may have been because Damar had the hots for me him.
[edit] Return to Power
Eventually Kira realized how mean she'd been to me (she loves me, I know it) Dukat and agreed to help me him out when some Klingon pirates started attacking our shipping. I managed to single handedly (okay, Kira did help) commandeer (I didn't steal it, I'm not a thief) the Klingon ship and then went against the entire Klingon Empire all by myself (okay, Damar did help he refilled my drinks). But Kira took away Ziyal! She thought she'd be better off on Bajor rather than with her dad! I don't care Nobody cares if she grows up on a warship, what counts is that she was with family. And then she went to DS9 and fell in love with that loose ass Garak (who was going at it with Bashir, anyways, everyone knows it)! He killed my entire family you know! I'm soooo glad It was fortunate for her that DS9 was soon taken over by the Dominion.
Anyway, his war against the Klingons (which he won, by the way) make Dukat again a hero in the eyes of the Cardassian people (as he deserved). So when Cardassia entered it's alliance with the Dominion they made me their leader again. And he I took over Terok Nor again, and everyone LOVED ME! Even Kira, although she'd never admit it. In fact, the reason she plotted against me was she didn't want to admit she loved me! And if it wasn't for her I never would have lost the station. But for some odd reason those weird things inside the wormhole made all my reinforcements disappear, and I had to abandon the station (not that I couldn't kill the invaders, but Weyoun was pretty scared). I went to search for Ziyal, but Damar had killed her! I was trying to talk her into coming back to life (it has worked before) when Sisko came with those meanies in white coats....
[edit] Madness and the Tribbles I DID NOT GO INSANE! I WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING! AND THE TRIBBLES ARE VERY NICE!
When I finally woke up, I was with Sisko, Kira, Weyoun and dmar on this planet, and they were all being so mean to me! Why don't any of them trust me? It soon became very clear to me that they all hated me and supported those ungrateful Bajorans. So it seemed only logical that I should go kill as many Bajorans as possible.
Anyway, I was trying out some sort of ritual that I hoped would kill a trillion bajorans, but instead this weird fuzzy thing that called itself a "Tribble" came and offered to kill all the Bajorans I wanted if I would bring it to Deep Space Nine. I did so, and then it killed Jadzia Dax and made all the Profit's Orbs turn a nasty shade of green. I knew that Sisko wouldn't believe I had nothing to do with it, so I ran away with the Poophead to a place called Empok Nor. For some odd reason, a bunch of Bajorans came there, apparently also friends of this Tribble thing. For some odd reason, they made me their leader and worshiped me. I figured it was good enough, and decided not to kill the Bajorans after all. One of my new friends was so nice as to kidnapping|kidnap Kira so she could see how nice it was.
And before you say anything, I would like to make it known that I am not insane! Could someone so insane write such a well-punctuated article? I'll bet not. I bet they also would never have come up with the idea of writing their own Wikipedia article so that people can know the truth. And if you don't believe me, just ask Kira, Damar or Weyoun. They're all standing here, and they agree with me!
Anyway, when Kira arrived she ruined everything, as usual, and all my new friends started being really mean to me. I had to run away again, and my old friend Damar (so nice of him to stick with me this entire time) did some plastic surgery on me so I could go to Bajor and help the Tribbles with their latest plan, which was to let out all of their friends so they could kill all the Bajorans. I met some televangelist called "Winner" or something like that] who had gotten sick of the Profits because they'd been so nice to that Sisko guy who agreed to help me out, and we both went to a place called the "Fiery Furnaces" where they were being held.
But then she turned on me! She tried to poison me! And then Sisko showed up. It was a trap! But I showed them...I killed them all! And then I destroyed Bajor! and then the universe! I won! I WON! And I don't care what some people say! I won as I was always meant to! And Damar agrees with me! I don't care what Kira or Weyoun say, they're fools.
[edit] See Also
| Captains |
James T. Kirk - Jean-Luc Picard - William Riker - Kathryn Janeway - Jonathan Archer- Benjamin Sisko- |
| Other people |
Data - Dr. Leonard McCoy - Geordie LaForge - Gul Dukat - Q - Spock - Weyoun - Worf - Leslie - Senator Vreenak |
| Species | |
| Other things |
Borg Collective - Captain's log - Holodeck - Klingon checkers - Prime Directive - The United Federation of Planets - Tribble - USS Enterprise |
 Article written in the style of its subjectThis article is funny because it is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are an ignorant cultural philistine who does not recognise this without explanation. If you still do not find the article funny, that is probably because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. If you hadn't been so ignorant, then you wouldn't have needed to have the joke explained to you in the first place. |
