Guatemala
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“Great Booty!”
“Dangerous...”
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| Motto: Rubios, Solo Para Ganadores | |||||
| Anthem: El Gran Gallo | |||||
| Capital | Guatemala City | ||||
| Largest city | Guatemala City, 2,655,900 (metro. area), 1,128,800 (city proper) | ||||
| Official languages | Spanish 60%, Mayan 38%, Zimbabwean 1% and English 1% | ||||
| Government | A group of coke dealers run the nation.
leader_names = President: Carlos Ruiz, Vice-President: Don Omar | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Campero from Camperonix | ||||
| Declaration | |||||
| Currency | Quekzales (Q) | ||||
| Religion | Roman Catholic, Protestant, Indigenous Mayan beliefs | ||||
| Population | 2 Billion People | ||||
| Area | Land area: 41,865 sq mi (108,430 sq km); total area: 42,042 sq mi (108,890 sq km) | ||||
| Calling code | 1777 Sabor Campero!! | ||||
The Republic of Guatemala is a small country famous for inventing the "Guatermelon" Located south of the border of the country south of the border, according to American specialists.
The country was almost chosen by U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt as the site of the world-famous Panama Canal, but it turned out the workers could not get a good blowjob there, so the project was relocated to Panama. The move turned out to be a wise one, since the canal was already named after Panama in the first place, and the decision saved a lot of trouble concerning naming rights. A similar misunderstanding about the Panama Hat cost an estimated 90 million lives due to fighting and malaria, and fighting about malaria. Guatemala is also famous for hosting various vampire conventions since Count Dracula went into exile and left Transylvania. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Van Helsing the other more newbie-like famous vampire slayer have been quoted several times saying that "Vampires and mexican food mixed together make a hard kill."
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[edit] History
Growing out of the capital city, "Guatemala," the populous state of 147 million people (known as Guacatamoleans) became independent from the Spanish in 1821 togheter with Mexico, country which Guatemala was part of as a province. However, they thought that if they were Mexicans it would make it difficult for them to immigrate to U.S. of A. so they decided to secede from Mexico and to have a country of their own so they wouldn't have to travel under Mexican passports. For a while, Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua and Costa Rica tried to be one country only, but, unfortunately for Guacamolinatamokinaites at home and abroad, it promptly fell into Civil War that broke their Federation apart and, the sad news about it is, they remain in Civil war til today, with the industrialized Yankees battling the gentlemanly agricultural Rebels over the issue of slavery also. At one point we had the sad situation of the Guacamolainians being at war with the Salsa, a battle of ages acted out to this day in living rooms around the world.
[edit] Government
- Generally corrupt, incompetent and male.
- Occasionally corrupt, incompetent and female.
- Honest, humanitarian cyborg Grues
- Is partially Guatemalan.
The actual leader of government is often referred as El Conejo (Guatemalan for "El Rabbito").
[edit] Cultural Activities and Customs
- Swatting malaria-ridden mosquitoes.
- The national anthem of Guatemala is "Shapoopy" sung by Peter Griffin
- Listening to Daddy Yankee while shooting at Don Omar on live concerts.
- Drumming the same beat of reggeaton and calling it music
- Go to movies, specially X rated movies on Cine Lux
- Watching the Rojos beat the Cremas time after time
- Watch Mexican television specially telenovelas (soap operas)
- Favorite sport is Midget Wrestling starring El Mini Santos.
- Burning the flags of all other countries
- Fight each other between Mara 18 or Salvatrucha
- Bully smaller nations like Belize, threaten to invade & take over, then complain USA is an evil imperialist bully
- Farting in church
- Make love anywhere they can
- Praying to the holy god of the Griin Card
- Eat Cheveres for lunch
- Eat Shukos & Kahlua every single Weekend
- EQUISHELE Botran (XL), Guatemala's favourite beverage, alongside rapin Indita (Little indian girl).
- They also love Beer. Also known as "Gallo" the highly disputed second favorite drink in guatemala.
- They attack poor notepads and they bury them.
[edit] Notable Groups of Guacamoltekanchichenmojoniteklanitzu Society
- Mara Salvatrucha
The infamous mara salvatrucha first arrived in guatemala after the death of their leader Sauron due to hearthbreak( caused by Rigoberta Menchu's betrayal) from their native land of mordorteklanitza. Since their arrival their contibutions to guacamoltekan society has changed guatemala drastically. Firstly, they have pioneered the prostitution industry and currently have over 1 gajillion "putas" and "huecos" earning a living in la 18 calle, zona 1 (zona 1 now known as centro prostu-torico). They have also established many "puterias" that provide a safe and enjoyable and of course perverse playground for president el conejo and other governmental officials.
[edit] Food
The main diet of most guacamoleans consists of
- SHUCOS= Guatemalan hotdogs made with the ground meat from "mareros" or "cholos".
- Pollo Campero= The cheap latin cousin of KFC, which is undoubtedly spicier and made with blend of sweat and tears from the little children that are forced to cook it.
Important note- A smal half-starved boy is featured in the guiness book of world record for eating the most shucos in one minute. 238.5 shucos.
[edit] Economy
[edit] Imports
Cocaine, Unwanted Tourist, bullets, condoms, popcorn.
[edit] Exports
Guatemala exports mainly Nescafé, Rum Botran(XL), wetbacks (mojados), fruit loops, apple strudels and McDonald's pickles. Monte & Tiro ( Pot & Coke)
[edit] Transports
Guatemala serves as the main bridge for narcotraffic in the region. 12% of national GDP is based on bribes to UFOs on its way to South America from Mexico. They are mainly scummy people who like to have large familys.
A big beneficiary from trade agreements with neighboring EL Salvador, Guatemala is a major importer of El Salvadoran prostitutes, estimated at 2 million currently employed in the country with work visas, 20% in governmental positions. El Salvador in turn is benefiting from the highly skilled labor crossing the border from Guatemala to meet its ever increasing job market for gangstas or "mareros" (from the Latin "mara" which means "gangsta"). Guatemalans chasing dreams of ho's, smack, and shooting da poo-lice are enticed to move by employment offers at respected local organizations such as "Mara 18" (Latin for "gansta 13") and "Salva-trucha" (Spanish for "ho-killas") gentlemen's club.
[edit] Weather
The climate in Guatemala is sometimes warm and sometimes cold. It receives rain sometimes. It's also very average and mild. The truth is that Guatemala is a dull place. A bad weather usually wrecks something in the city, last wreck = Carretera al Salvador km. 10
[edit] National Bird
The Quetzal is Guatemala's national bird. Its feathers are in seven colors. It is said that anyone seeing it is promised eternal happiness, Followed by the deaths of their childrens, children.
[edit] National Anthem
The National Anthem of the Republic of Guatemala was written by Ricardo Arjona, born in Chichicastenango on a Sunday, Feb 30, 1969, a date that later became a national holiday and is now celebrated pretty much like christmas. (no kidding)
Words by: José Joaquín Palma Music by: Rafael Alvarez Ovalle Adopted: 1897 (lyrics slightly modified in 1934)
Written in response to a contest colling for a national anthem to be adopted, the first ever playing of the winning entry took place during a lyric-literary meeting taking place at the Colon Theater, the night of Sunday 14 March 1897, as one of the main events of the Central American Exposition, and the author of the music -Maestro Rafael Alvarez- was decorated with a gold medal and honor diploma. The author of the lyrics, however, was submitted anonymously, it was not until 1911, when it was discovered that the author was the Cuban poet Jose Joaquin Palma, who on his deathbed was honored with a silver wreath placed on his head, while outside the public and the bands sang the Himno Nacional.
The lyrics were modified slightly in 1934 by Professor Jose Maria Bonilla Ruano, a Spanish grammar scholar. Some verses were softened in their bloody context while others were enhanced in their poetic beauty.
The anthem has four verses (including four separate choruses at the end of each verse). Unlike many other nations with multi-verse anthems, all four verses are official and sung in Guatemala
CHORUS: Your fair flag, flying freely in the wind, Will call to you: Conquer or die; For your people, with heart and soul, Would prefer death to slavery.
[edit] External links
 | Central America and South America |
| Central: Belize | Costa Rica | El Humidor | Guatemala | Honduras | Kittenolivia | Mexico | New Mexico | Nicaragua (en español) | Panama | Panama Canal Zone | |
| South: Argentina (en español) | Bolivia | Brazil (em português) | Republic of Bulimia | Cat Nation | Catspace | Chile (en español) | Colombia (en español) | Easter Island | Ecuador (en español) | Falkland Islands | French Guiana | Galapagos Islands | Guyana | Locombia | Paraguay | Peru (en español) | Seahorsia | Suriname | Uruguay (en español) | Vergüenzuela (en español) |
